Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum [2005]

Surveillance and Spying [DRAFT]

by Simon & Oscar

My wife of 18 years has separated from me, and I am in a crisis. She told me in 2005-02 that she no longer loves me and she wanted to separate. She said: "You used me". I made a list and did everything possible to change her mind, but she insisted that it was too late. She gathered her possessions, rented an apartment, and left the house in 2005-06, abandoning me and our 3 kids (16, 14, 12).

About 12 years ago, she started to say that there was surveillance at the office. She believed that there was a microphone hidden in the house and in the car, feeding private conversations to RCMP or CSIS which in turn tell the colleagues at her office, so everybody at her office is talking about her private life. She hears voices from the ventilation system at her office. Whenever neighbours talk, she said that they were talking about her boss. I have documented 30 such strange behaviours that she has exhibited since 1994.

Over the years, she has alienated her friends, colleagues and neighbours due to her suspicion that they were spying on her. Last year, she cut off ties with her parents, believing that they were in contact with RCMP or CSIS a long time ago. This year, she cut me off because I was not believing her stories enough and also because I was not making enough money just in case she loses her job due to a "crisis". (Yes, she makes 60% more than I do.)

I did not know until I sought help from a government counsellor that her condition is psychosis, possibly schizophrenia (paranoid type (295.30)):

• Paranoid delusions • Delusions of persecution • Delusions of reference • Auditory hallucinations • Withdrawal from friends and family members

I suggested, advised, asked, demanded, and begged her to see a doctor, but she absolutely refuses any medical help. When she unilaterally left, she did so without making custody arrangement. I am allowing her to see the kids on the weekends, but she hired a lawyer to have equal access, which I am refusing until she gets medical help. The kids are telling me that surveillance and spying have already started at her new apartment.

Since she is perfectly normal in every other aspect and is making good salary as a public servant, her parents do not believe it is serious. They have enormous stigma of never admitting that their daughter/sister has mental illness (1950's Duplessis Era attitude), and are blaming me for the separation!

I am devastated by the unwanted broken family, and I am desperate. Last week, I sought medical help myself for depression, and I started to take anti-depressants.

Tomorrow, I am planning to go to an art show organised by the Schizophrenia Society of Ottawa. However, since I live in Quebec, support from the Ontario side is very limited.

Thank you very much for your attention.

Merci de votre attention. Bien à vous.

_________________

Simon

I stopped by at the Schizophrenia Society booth yesterday at Art in Strathcona Park in Ottawa, ON. I explained my unspeakably painful experience to a volunteer who was very knowledgeable and helpful. However, the bottom line is that since my wife functions normally despite delusions and hallucinations, her situation is a "borderline case", which means that it is very difficult to get her medical attention if she continues to refuse. Her own family is of no help, so I am all alone. My desperation grows...

This is a photo of our dining room back in 2005-05, when my wife started packing and I panicked enough to inform my in-laws of the family crisis.

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Simon

Bonjour Simon,

Vous n'etes pas seul, certains d'entre nous avons eu la meme experience, nous sommes meutris par les accusations de nos etres les plus chers.

Vous a-t-elle vraiment abandonnes ?

Peut-etre qu'elle veut s'eloigner pour que vous ne soyiez pas entraines dans son enfer, car elle doit souffrir.

Vous avez trois enfants, qui doivent aussi se poser beaucoup de questions, est-ce que les conseillers de leurs ecoles sont au courant ?

Est-ce qu'ils comprennent que leur mere est malade ? Vont-ils se laisser impressioner ?

Vous devez il me semble etre leur pere et mere, jusqu'au jour ou leur mere ne pourra plus tromper les professionels et ou elle devra reconnaitre sa maladie, ce jour arrivera tot ou tard.

Bon courage

Merci, fluffy, pour votre encouragement!

Mon épouse m'a complètement abandonné. Sans aucune raison logique, je suis devenu de l'ami numéro 1 de sa vie à l'ennemi numéro 1 de sa vie.

J'ai tout dit aux enfants. Il n'y avait absolument rien à cacher, et nous essayons de chercher la solution ensemble. Comme je suis déprimé, c'est mes enfants qui m'encourage.

Je suis devenu très fâché quand les parents de mon épouse m'accusent de la séparation. Après 3 semaines, j'ai surmonté la difficulté de leur stigma par baisser mon espérance d'eux.

Selon les enfant, mon épouse est très tendue et très préoccupée à son appartement. J'espère qu'elle reconnaîtra sa maladie et la nécessité de soins professionnelle aussitôt que possible...

Simon, Encore une fois courage, les enfants semblent vous offrir beaucoup d'aide et ils sont un lien avec leur mere.

Il y a me dit on beaucoup de situations semblables dans votre region, nous allons essayer de trouver des contacts et vous les communiquer.

A bientot

Courage Simon,

Je ne sais si j'envoie ce message correctement, l'electronique n'est pas mon fort. Votre situation n'es malheureusement pas unique, nous allons chercher a rejoindre des gens dans votre region. Leonard Wall est le president de SSO , il pourrait peut-etre vous etre utile. Il demeure a Ottawa.

Abientot

Simon,

I am not an expert but what you describe sounds alot like what my cousin went through. She already had a nervous breakdown when she lived in TO. Then she moved to Ottawa and worked as a public servant in the Finance Dept. (making lots of money, she completed her Masters).

One day she started calling me and telling me that the Gov is spying on her and out to get her. She believed there were bugs in her Apt. and would whisper on the phone so no one could hear her. She started hiding her money and docs so "they" couldn't find them. This was 10 yrs ago and I can't recall all the details.

Because she already had a nervous breakdown, she was willling to go the the Civic ER. I cannot recall what the diagnosis was, but she is not on any meds now and she is not Schizophrenic... She is married with 2 kids and functions without issues. She inherently has a high anxiety type of personality.

But what she experienced sounds alot like what your wife is experiencing. Don't know if this will help.

Thank you for sharing your cousin's experience, RoxC.

I am struck by the remarkable similarity between your cousin's situation and my wife's situation (public servant with a good salary, spying by the government, bugs in the residence, etc.). How did her husband handle her mental illness?

If former patients like your cousin who recovered from schizophrenia wrote up their experience about Surveillance and Spying, would it help persuade sick persons who refuse to seek medical care?

In my wife's case, her delusions were so real to her that it was absolutely impossible for me to change her false belief one bit for the last 12 years. Every time I said that I could not believe a bizarre incident, her love towards me diminished a little, until it became 0 (zero) in 2005-02. I was told a few weeks ago that such denial is a wrong way to approach a delusional patient, but I did not know until 2005-05 that her condition had anything to do with schizophrenia (paranoid type). I even bought her a voice recorder so that she could record the converstations by her colleagues whom she believed were discussing her at the office.

Now that my wife lives in her own apartment, cutting all ties with me, her own parents and everybody else except for the kids, I cannot confront her face-to-face. She continues to ignore my pleading about seeing a doctor via E-mail, letters and telephone calls.

The kids are reporting that my wife is very tense and always preoccupied. I am hoping that she will have a crisis, in which case the kids can call 911 and the police will take her to the hospital. Otherwise, she will be miserable for the rest of her life...

_________________

Simon

I have found the following book (in French) at a local library.

• Moi, Martin Bélanger, 34 ans, schizophrène • Les Éditions de l'Homme (2005) • Bélanger, Martin • ISBN: 2-7619-1993-9

The book was written by a schizophrenia patient himself, and describes how it feels like to have a period of delusions and hallucinations followed by a period of depression, among other topics.

It also explains the roles of neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin), and how anti-psychotic agent functions in a non-academic language with simple graphs and diagrams that I can understand.

The author of the book had distinct episodes that required hospitalisation during psychotic periods. However, my wife's delusions and hallucinations seem to be incessant, permanent and chronic...

_________________

Simon

Simon,

Thanks for sharing that French book with us. I'm sure others will find it helpful.

The book that I found most comforting and informative with the "how to of what to do" was written by Rebbeca Woolis and titled; When Someone You Love Has a Mental Illness. The title alone gave me some comfort.

Hugs

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Simon

I have been going through a similar situation for more then 3 years now.

My wife kept blinds closed for 6 months because she was afraid of being killed by a hitman, she asked my oldest son (10) to do a search on the internet on the kind of mike I could have installed on our phone. He was asked to dismantle a phone to look for them. She heard whisper souds on the telephone whne she talks to someone.

She wrongly complain to the kids that I steal the money of the house, have secret bank accounts, have huge spending habits in fancy retaurant and 5 starts hotel (she does have hidden bank accoounts herself but she almost never work). She claimed many times that she had found a lawyer invoice adressed to me for divorce matters....this invoice never existed. (that is only a small sample of what she is doing). She does not do nothing at home, she can not and does not take care of the kids (they have always been in kindergargen). She makes promises to the kids such as do your bed for a week and I will give you $20. Then when the kid ask for the money she tell them to see me since it's me who have all the money.

My son sees a psychologist to help him to deal with school. I just found out that my wife told him not to tell her things about our family since the psychologist is a spy of Direction de la protection de la jeunesse. She often threaten our two sons to call DPJ if they do not behave properly.

One day she even called a baby sitter telling her and the kids that whe was leaving the family and to call DPJ if they did not behave properly. I got a call from the kid, rushed back to our place only to have her coming back 2 hours later to take them to a shelter for beaten women. She got back home the following day explaining to me that the therapist at that shelter was too bright and too close to DPJ.

For the following weeks our oldest son reacted really strongly and started hitting me, punching holes in the walls, breaking my glasses. During the summer his relationship turned sour with his mom and he kept calling me at the office screaming that I come back home to take him away from his mom. I know have him with me at the office for more then 4 weeks and he realized, whitout me telling anything bad against her, that his mom have a problem and that I was not that bad.

In may I did manage to take her to a psychologist that I had her to choose for a family therapy hoping that something could be done. After two sessions the therapist stopped this saying that he could not help. He then took me aside and explained to me that he thinks she is paranoid and most probably schizophrenic too (she have a schizophrenic sister in jail for murder). His suggestion was that the best way to get her treated is to ask for a divorce and ask for the kids and that should be enough for her to loose contact with reality and then may be I could have medical attention for her.

She is being followed by a psychologist for more the a year now and apparently she finds her normal. Her family is of no help either.

Since she thinks that I am the one that is sick I proposed to her that we both go to undertake a psychiatric evaluation. An offer that sounds fair to me but that she declined.

In early July I sougth legal help since I was getting scared and truly had enough. My intention was not necessarly to divorce but to get her medical attention. However I was told that unless she becomes dangerous to herself or others nothing could be done.

Now she began telling things bad on me to second son (6) and she is trying to get closer with my daughter (3).

This being said, my big question is the following: what is the most responsible thing for me to do, ask for a divorce and running the risk that they will stay with her one week out of two or to try to support the situation untill they grow older?

I just can believe that the law is so stupid. They are young kids involved and that are affected by this. This should be enough to request a psychiatric evaluation. Even the DPJ can not help. I got a lawyer to call on my behalf and the answer is that as long as one of the parent is sane the child are protected.

Help please. I can not think anymore.

oscar

I wrote yet another letter to my wife, explaining the dopamine hypothesis of schizophrenia and asking her once again to see a doctor.

I am going to the hospital myself next week to officially discuss my depression, but I plan to seek advice on my wife's situation with surveillance and spying.

Meanwhile, I received a personal reply from a leading authority of schizophrenia in Quebec who has written several books on schizophrenia.

From: Pierre Lalonde To: Simon Date: August 27, 2005 13:16:08 EDT (CA) Subject: Re: Schizophrénie Je ne vois pas d'autre solution que de maintenir le contact avec l'hôpital Pierre-Janet et de penser une stratégie pour amener votre femme à consulter un psychiatre. Consultez aussi les groupes de parents de votre région. Obtenez leur adresse en contactant http://www.schizophrenie.qc.ca/index.html À la limite, il est possible de demander à un juge, une ordonnance d'examen psychiatrique. -- Amitiés, *********************** * Pierre Lalonde MD * * Montréal, Québec * *********************** http://www.hlhl.qc.ca/crfs/lalonde.htm Pierre Lalonde , M.D. , FRCPC, FAPA, Professeur titulaire - Faculté de médecine – Université de Montréal, Psychiatre, chef du Programme jeunes adultes (Schizophrénie)

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Simon

I don't know what kinds of reference material is available at the Pierre Janet hospital in Hull. There are social workers there though who are very good at working with families and patients. Even if your wife won't seek treatment some councelling (or such) might help you and the children cope.

The ROH has a decent library. The books and videos can be borrowed. Go right at the information desk then right again at the next corridor. First or second door on the right.

If you call the social worker there (Pierre Janet) there is a support group in Hull/Gatineau although I have lost the brochure and phone number.

Thank you, John, for the information.

I had an appointment at Centre hospitalier Pierre-Janet this morning. It was an interview with a nurse. I was expecting to see a psychiatrist because I had been referred by a medical doctor. She referred me to a psychiatrist, but I was told that the appointment would be 2 or 3 months away :-(.

I explained my situation, i.e., my depression caused by my wife's leaving because of Surveillance and Spying. The nurse was kind enough to listen to my story and she was quite understanding, but she made it clear that she was there strictly for helping me, rather than dealing with my wife's condition. She insisted that there is nothing they can do if my wife refuses to see a doctor :-(.

I visited the library at Centre hospitalier Pierre-Janet on the second floor of a separate building. There are about 20 books on schizophrenia. I found that most books on schizophrenia and psychiatry written in French are authored by the psychiatrist in Montreal, QC, who gave me the personal reply shown above.

The Royal Ottawa Hospital has a medical library on the second floor. There is also a resource centre on the first floor for the patients and family members, and that is where I got tons of free brochures and booklets on mental health and schizophrenia.

_________________

Simon

Man lacked criminal responsibility in 3 slayings Against MDs' advice, parents took Maxheleau out of mental hospital just months before he stabbed them and his sister to death Jake Rupert The Ottawa Citizen Thursday, September 01, 2005 An Ottawa man's descent into mental illness was laid bare in court yesterday when he was declared not criminally responsible for the stabbing deaths of his mother, father and sister. It was a cruel story, but the worst part was that Daniel Maxheleau, 30, could have been treated before the killings, but his parents took him out of a mental hospital against doctors' advice because they thought he wasn't sick. Gerald Maxheleau, 66, Louise Maxheleau, 60, and Michelle Maxheleau, 25, were found stabbed to death in their Northdale Street home on March 13. Yesterday, at the urging of Crown and defence lawyers, Ontario Superior Court Justice Lynn Ratushny ruled that Daniel Maxheleau was not criminally responsible for the killings. The decision followed a day of evidence from two forensic psychiatrists who found the 30-year-old was suffering from acute paranoid and delusional schizophrenia when he killed his family members. The judge only had to find it was more likely than not that Mr. Maxheleau's illness made it impossible for him to appreciate the gravity of his actions when he killed, or that the was unable to determine right from wrong because of his illness. But after testimony from the doctors, including an assertion from one of them that Mr. Maxheleau was the "most delusional" person he had ever seen, Judge Ratushny went even farther, ruling that the accused didn't appreciate the gravity of his actions and he couldn't tell right from wrong. "I find beyond any doubt that Daniel Maxheleau is not criminally responsible for his actions," she said. With that ruling, Mr. Maxheleau comes under the jurisdiction of the Ontario Mental Health Review Board, which will determine his treatment, where he will live, how much freedom he will have and when he will get it. For now and for the foreseeable future, he will continue to be housed in the Royal Ottawa Hospital's secure wing. Much of yesterday's hearing chronicled the life of a promising and successful young man who in a short period of time fell into madness and homicide. The court heard that Mr. Maxheleau grew up with his three sisters and parents at the house in which the killings were committed. His mother quit her nursing job to raise the children. His father worked for Bell Canada. They were a private and loving family, although Gerald Maxheleau was described as an authoritarian figure who periodically meted out corporal punishment on his son. As a young man, Mr. Maxheleau resented his father's treatment of him, court was told, but by adulthood, he'd forgiven his father because it was the only way he knew. The young man excelled at tennis and school. He graduated from the University of Western Ontario in economics and obtained his chartered accounting degree from the Universite de Montreal. He had a bit of a temper, but nothing unusual, court heard. After school, he took a job with KPMG in Montreal and worked there for two years before transferring to another large accounting company. The job ended in 2002 when, according to Dr. Helen Ward, "early warning signs" of what was to come appeared. Over the next two years, Mr. Maxheleau obtained and lost several jobs, and started complaining that his employers were asking him to do illegal things. He also started acting strangely at family functions and in public, according to testimony. By the summer of 2004, his normally neat appearance had become dishevelled, he stopped paying attention to his hygiene and he felt people were persecuting him. In June 2004, Mr. Maxheleau had his first psychotic episode, the court was told. In this break with reality, he was convinced his father was trying to kill him by poisoning his tea, and he attempted to jump out the window of his parents' house. The police were called and he was taken to the Montfort Hospital, where he was admitted as a mental patient and put on a mild anti-psychotic drug. As with many people in the early stages of acute mental illness, the delusions went away quickly. Doctors tried to persuade Mr. Maxheleau and his parents that he should remain at the hospital voluntarily. But his parents thought otherwise, and the doctors had no legal grounds to commit him, because he wasn't displaying dangerous behaviour. "His family wished to bring him home," said Dr. Ward, citing a Montfort Hospital file on Mr. Maxheleau. "The family felt he needed rest. The family felt he didn't need medication. They wanted him out, and he was discharged against medical advice." So after three days, Mr. Maxheleau left the hospital. Untreated, his descent spiralled out of control over the coming months. But his type of schizophrenia didn't show stereotypical disordered thinking. He could converse on subjects intelligently, understand complex situations and generally appeared normal. But Dr. Ward said that if the subject drifted into the realm of his delusions, it should have been clear he needed help. By last winter, the mental illness had taken over his life, the court heard. Mr. Maxheleau was hearing voices and believed he was a magical hermaphrodite, able to impregnate himself, and giving birth to dozens of adult children who lived all over the world. Mr. Maxheleau believed he and his family members were controlled by implants in their brains that could bring them back to life if they died, that he'd died several times, that one of his children had become him, that he was a U.S. army officer who'd served several tours in the Gulf War, and much, much more. He also believed he was pregnant, and that his parents and sisters had killed several of his children in a number of cruel ways and had eaten several of them. "He was completely caught up in these delusion," Dr. Ward said. "He absolutely believed they were true. They were absolutely real to him." One week before he killed his parents and sister, he left his apartment in Montreal and returned to his parents' house in Ottawa. Fearing for himself and his "baby," he slept with a knife. On March 12, purchased a hunting knife for better protection. The next morning, Mr. Maxheleau awoke, sensing that he and his "baby" were in imminent danger from other family members. He then did what the "implant" told him to do. He walked into the kitchen where his parents were making breakfast and plunged the knife's 12-centimetre blade into his father's neck. He then repeatedly stabbed his mother. The violence continued until he stabbed his sister while she phoned 911. Mr. Maxheleau was arrested when police officers arrived. Autopsy results entered in court yesterday showed Gerald Maxheleau suffered 21 stabs and four gashes to his neck and lower back. He was found face down on the kitchen floor with a severed spinal cord. He had no defensive wounds. Louise Maxheleau suffered 25 stabs and 10 slashes to her neck and lower back. She had defensive wounds on both hands and was found face down on the kitchen floor. Michelle Maxheleau suffered 18 stabs and 20 slices all over her body. She had defensive wounds on her hands and was found just inside the front door of the house with the phone by her leg. Examinations and tests done after the killings led Dr. Ward to conclude that Mr. Maxheleau believed his actions wouldn't lead to their deaths because they could simply be revived by the implants in their brains, and that he had to kill them to protect himself and his unborn baby from them. These findings were backed by the Crown's forensic psychiatrist, Dr. Stephen Hucker, who also examined Mr. Maxheleau. So clear was the case that deputy Crown attorney Louise Dupont and defence lawyer Heather Perkins-McVey urged the judge to find the man not criminally responsible for his actions. Since being at the Royal Ottawa Hospital, Mr. Maxheleau has been taking medication, and the drugs are working as they should. Both doctors said he shows no signs of delusions and is well on his way to rehabilitation. He is also aware that he was suffering mental delusions in the months leading up to the deaths and at the time of the killings. "When I look back on it, I needed medication, but unfortunately I didn't get it," he told Dr. Hucker in an interview. "It would have pricked holes in" the delusions. After finding Mr. Maxheleau not criminally responsible, Judge Ratushny addressed Mr. Maxheleau and one of his sisters, Marie-Elaine, who had sat through the proceedings. "I can only wish you and your sisters well in the future," she said. Afterwards, Marie-Elaine said she didn't want to comment on the case. "It's a private matter," she said. © The Ottawa Citizen 2005

Radio 89.9 contest denigrates mentally ill, ROH official says Jenni Lee Campbell The Ottawa Citizen Thursday, September 01, 2005 An Ottawa radio station's promotional ads display an ignorant and derogatory attitude toward people with mental illnesses, says the Royal Ottawa Hospital. Hot 89.9 is currently promoting itself with advertisements that feature an actor playing the part of the station's stressed-out promotions director. One spot, which ran last week, describes the man as being so overworked with contests that he has to "go to the Royal Ottawa." In subsequent ads, he has "relapses" in which he speaks in a strange, frightening voice and has fits of diabolical laughter. Kathy Hendrick, a senior executive at ROH, said she began receiving calls last week from patients, staff and community members, "appalled" by the ad. "You'd never have that kind of a promotion running with someone suffering from cardiac disease, being out of breath and unable to talk," Ms. Hendrick said. "You'd never make fun of that." Hot 89.9 has been criticized before for its promotional ads, but the station has been largely unapologetic in response to public outrage over past contests, one of which offered a breast augmentation to "flat-chested" female listeners. And these latest ads aren't the first time Hot 89.9 has made light of the hospital. During the station's "$50,000 fugitive" contest several months ago, it broadcast a clue to the location of the fugitive saying, "He/she will be in public with a bathrobe on; try the Royal Ottawa Hospital." Josie Geuer, the station's program director and on-air morning personality, was surprised by the hospital's reaction because, she said, the station has not received any complaints. "We usually hear about it when we've offended someone." Ms. Geuer defended the character they developed for the ad campaign, saying it was all in good fun. "He's kind of one of those quirky type of males. He's an ideas guy. You know how creative idea guys are. Some people find them a little quirky, like Einstein or Picasso." Mrs. Hendricks, however, said just because people didn't call the radio station doesn't mean they weren't hurt by the ads. "Most people dealing with mental illnesses already feel stigmatized. Many of our patients would not feel confident enough to call the station and complain, especially when the tone of the ad is already so mocking. They look to the hospital as their advocate." Ms. Geuer suggested people were forgetting she and her colleagues are in the business of entertainment. "We all understand there are some very serious things in the world. People die every day. There's disease. And we buckle down and get serious, absolutely when it's needed, but not everything we do should be taken so literally and seriously." Heather Henniger disagrees. The 34-year old woman, who has suffered serious mental illnesses, recently lent her face and story to the ROH's "You Know Who I Am" campaign, which aims to reduce discrimination and increase public awareness of mental health. "When I heard about the ad, I thought, 'wow, just when we think we're making a lot of progress, something like this comes along and sets us back." © The Ottawa Citizen 2005

I recently posted 2 newspaper articles from The Ottawa Citizen to this discussion board. Honestly speaking, I had never paid attention to these kinds of stories until a few weeks ago. Now that I have become familiar with mental health issues, I can see many elements that are relevant to my family's situation.

In "Man lacked criminal responsibility in 3 slayings", the 30-year old Ottawa man was suffering from acute paranoid and delusional schizophrenia when he killed his family members. Here are some excerpts.

• But his parents thought otherwise, and the doctors had no legal grounds to commit him, because he wasn't displaying dangerous behaviour. • But his type of schizophrenia didn't show stereotypical disordered thinking. He could converse on subjects intelligently, understand complex situations and generally appeared normal. • "He was completely caught up in these delusion," Dr. Ward said. "He absolutely believed they were true. They were absolutely real to him."

The statements above remarkably parallel my wife's case. My wife has become hostile to her own parents, and her husband (me) has turned from friend number 1 to enemy number 1. Instead of resorting to physical violence, she separated from me...

In "Radio 89.9 contest denigrates mentally ill, ROH official says", I can see ignorance and stigma towards mental illnesses, just as I saw in my wife's parents who are blaming me for the separation despite clear evidence.

_________________

Simon

Ignorance, stigma hinder help in face of mental illness Daniel Maxheleau, who was found not criminally responsible for the stabbing deaths of three family members, needed treatment for mental illness, but didn't get it. He's not the only one suffering without help, Shannon Proudfoot reports. Shannon Proudfoot The Ottawa Citizen Friday, September 02, 2005 Daniel Maxheleau's case represents the worst of what can happen if schizophrenia goes untreated, but experts say a lack of understanding about the warning signs -- and the enduring stigma attached to the disease -- still hinders getting help for sufferers. On Wednesday, an Ontario Superior Court judge ruled that Mr. Maxheleau was not criminally responsible for the deaths of his mother, father and sister, who were found stabbed to death in their Northdale Street home in March. The court heard that the man was suffering from acute paranoid and delusional schizophrenia, but that his parents withdrew him from hospital several months before their deaths because they didn't believe he needed treatment. Dr. John Bradford, chief forensic psychiatrist for the Royal Ottawa Hospital's psychiatric assessment, treatment and detention facilities, says families and individuals resist diagnosis and treatment for various reasons, including spiritual or cultural beliefs that prohibit psychiatric drugs, or out of fear of side effects. Some people believe they can recover without medical treatment, and others fear the stigma attached to a diagnosis of a severe mental illness, such as schizophrenia, which is commonly said to affect one per cent of the population, or 300,000 people, in Canada. "A lot of this is evolving, but there's still some people that feel that if a person has a mental illness ... there's something wrong with the family," Dr. Bradford said yesterday, adding that mental illness results from a simple chemical imbalance in the brain, and not from any flaw in upbringing. Dr. Bradford emphasized that most cases do not end in tragedy on the scale of the Maxheleau family, but said studies show an elevated incidence of violence among people with mental illness, providing additional incentive to get help for sufferers. "There's no question there's an association, but it doesn't mean we should be afraid of people with schizophrenia, or major depression or bipolar disorder," he said. "What we need to know is that there's a risk and to deal with that risk." The signs of schizophrenia include "positive," or obvious, symptoms such as talking to oneself, delusional beliefs and hallucination, and "negative" symptoms, or those that are more subtle, such as social withdrawal, lack of energy and dulled emotional responses. Joan Montgomery, chief executive officer of the Schizophrenia Society of Canada, said the disease typically manifests itself in males in their late teens and in females in their early twenties. Schizophrenia is often triggered by major life shifts, including moving away to university, beginning a new job or having children. "That can create enormous pressure and stress on an individual, so if they have a predisposition to an illness like schizophrenia, that seems to be the spark," Ms. Montgomery said, adding that the disease is a "very frightening" one. People living with schizophrenia may pass a television or radio and feel that the announcer is speaking directly to them, and even using their name, or they may be engaged in a conversation with a loved one and suddenly feel that there is another person in the room, telling them their loved one is a spy or intends to harm them. "It's difficult for someone who doesn't suffer from schizophrenia to realize, but this is all very, very real," Ms. Montgomery said. Renee Ouimet, program manager at the Ottawa branch of the Canadian Mental Health Association, said her office receives 8,000 phone calls every year from people concerned they or someone they care about have mental illness. Other organizations such as the Mental Health Crisis Service and the emergency department of local hospitals also provide assistance. Ms. Ouimet said tragedies like the Maxheleau case may increase stigmatized attitudes toward mentally ill people, or serve as a wake-up call for the community to learn more about warning signs and ways to help. "You'd hope that it makes people more aware to look out for people that they're worried about." © The Ottawa Citizen 2005

In "Ignorance, stigma hinder help in face of mental illness", replacing "the man" and "people" with "my wife", "their loved one" with "her husband (me)", and "death" with "separation" would exactly describe my family's situation! As the reporter says: "He's not the only one suffering without help."

• The man was suffering from acute paranoid and delusional schizophrenia, but that his parents ... didn't believe he needed treatment. • Families and individuals resist diagnosis and treatment for various reasons. Some people believe they can recover without medical treatment, and others fear the stigma attached to a diagnosis of a severe mental illness, such as schizophrenia. • People living with schizophrenia ... may be engaged in a conversation with a loved one and suddenly feel that there is another person in the room, telling them their loved one is a spy or intends to harm them.

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Simon

Oh dear God.....My sincere condolences go out to the relatives of this family. What a horrible, horrible loss for them.

Simon, thank you so much for posting this article. I am always interested to see how these tragedies are talked about in the news. This article was very well written!

I recall a psychiatrist who works on stigma and mental illness saying to me that the best way to handle these kinds of situations is to not talk about them or have them discussed in the media but for these families to continue walking with their heads down and keeping a low profile. I strongly disagree with this approach to reducing stigma for those with mental illness.

Schizophrenia when left untreated poses this kind of risk but thank God these murders do not happen very often. Needless to say, once is far too many times though.

Families who bare these kinds of losses and traumatic grief must suffer the stigma a hundred fold. They are the ones who need the most understanding. As you can imagine the pain and suffering to families who go through these tragedies only to be further traumatized by the media portraying their ill loved one as a psychopath or other personality disordered individual who murders for personal gain with no remorse. This is what creates stigma....not facts and the truth!

When one of our families with schizophrenia suffer from stigma and other abuses.....we all suffer.

May this family find some semblence of comfort and peace.....

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Stigma blocks treatment The Ottawa Citizen September 7, 2005 Re: Ignorance, stigma hinder help in face of mental illness, Sept. 2. I commend the Citizen and reporter Shannon Proudfoot for this important follow-up story on the tragic and sad conclusion of the court proceedings involving Daniel Maxheleau. The article revealed the crucial point of this tragedy -- that treatment is so important for serious mental illnesses, but families often feel helpless and are hesitant to do the right thing because of the stigma and shame that exists around illnesses like schizophrenia. We intend to demonstrate, through our research and effective new clinical approaches within the Royal Ottawa Health Care Group, that mental illness is not a weakness but a physical disruption in normal brain chemistry. We also will continue to strongly promote our new research program in schizophrenia at the Institute of Mental Health Research so a cure will one day be found. We will also step up our advocacy efforts for patients and families who struggle with the burden of these devastating diseases, and we will not stop until the burden of stigma is finally gone. John Scott, Ottawa, Chair, Board of Trustees Royal Ottawa Health Care Group © The Ottawa Citizen 2005

Once again, the article "Stigma blocks treatment" applies exactly to my circumstances. My family was destroyed by the unwarranted separation of my wife due to mental illness which is a "borderline case". My wife continues to refuse treatment for her paranoid delusions. I was further devastated by the unexpected stigma and shame by my wife's parents, as shown below. Despite sympathy from "the system", I am still in a desperate situation...

Thus, I wholeheartedly support their efforts: "we will not stop until the burden of stigma is finally gone." Since my in-laws are acusing me of "publicising" my wife's mental illness, I decided to expose their stigma towards mental illness, as shown in the scanned image of their letters. There is another letter which explicitly attacks me for talking to our closest friends, but I have not scanned it since there are too many personal names.

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Simon

Hi Simon,

I had been going through a similar situation like you before. Actually, my wife's symptoms (in the first year of her illness) were much more severe than your wife's.

The first sign of her illness was these "surveillance and spying" stories. She had not only auditory, but also visual and body hallucinations. She was potential dangerous at beginning of her illness when she was deeply confused by the voices. She threatened me once with a knife. Because of her, I had to dealt with polices several times. That was like a hell to me and my kids at that time. She does not think she was/is ill, and refused medication (never medicated).

However, after about 5 years coping with this illness, she lives close to a "normal" life now. I can tell that she still hears voices sometimes, but she seems coping very well with them. The biggest enemy to me is her delusion at this moment. I know this is a very tough job, and may take a long time to fight, especially when she has no insight of her illness.

Based on her improvement, I am very optimistic about her future outcomes. And I see no sign of weakening intelligence and physical health from schizophrenia.

_________________

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it" -- Helen Keller

Ever since I posted my first message to the Schizophrenia Discussion Board, I have repeatedly been reminded that I am not alone. Thank you for your moral support, Judy, fluffy, RoxC, oscar, John, JD, kct, etc.

I have also learned that paranoid schizophrenia is the most common type of schizophrenia, and that the prevalent theme of paranoid schizophrenia is "surveillance and spying".

Before the crisis due to my wife's unilateral separation, my understanding of schizophrenia was that the patient experiences a total breakdown of mental capacity in which he/she cannot function properly at all.

As such, I had never made any link whatsoever between spying and paranoid schizophrenia. I know now that paranoid schizophrenia can be hidden in any otherwise completely normal people, but a catastrophe/disaster/fiasco/tragedy is waiting to happen suddenly...

Thus, I would like to propose a slogan for a public education campaign:

• Suspicion of being spied on is a first sign of Schizophrenia!

What do you think?

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Simon

From: Simon Subject: youknowwhoiam.com Date: September 09, 2005 22:09:31 EDT (CA) To: Royal Ottawa Health Care Group <webmaster@rohcg.on.ca> I have been devastated by the destruction of a very happy family due to my wife's schizophrenia (paranoid type). The situation is further complicated by the denial of her parents who are blaming me for the separation! Therefore, I wholeheartedly support your effort to eliminate the stigma towards mental illness. I appreciate the public education campaign entitled "you know who i am" in the Ottawa Citizen and also in TV announcements. However, I would like to point out that typing URL "youknowwhoiam.com" on the web browser, exactly as instructed by the advertisement, results in error message: "No web site is configured at this address." If one adds "www." to the URL as in "www.youknowwhoiam.com", then he/she can reach the correct website. Since not everyone is knowledgeable enough in the technical details of the Internet, I would like to suggest that the DNS record be re-configured so that domain name "youknowwhoiam.com" be properly re-directed to "www.rohcg.on.ca" without the need to add "www.". Thank you very much for your attention. Merci de votre attention. Bien à vous.

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Simon

Simon,

I wish we could be more helpful for you. I can only imagine the pain you are going through. I have an ex-husband with bipolar who was not properly diagnosed and he went untreated for years. It was very hard to cope with so needless to say the divorce was the only solution.

It was not until 5 yrs after the divorce and a year after our son developed schizophrenia that he was properly diagnosed and treated. He said that he had wished he had been treated earlier and that, "All my life I lived in a fog and it was not until now that I know what normal looks like." It was a very big loss for him......and his other family members.

So, I know a little bit of what you are experiencing but our families and lives are all very different. The losses are similar but never exactly the same.

I like the slogan and can see how it would be beneficial for public education but there is one snare....the symptoms of paranoia by a persons belief they are being spied on or tracked, can be symptoms of other illnesses as well. Early onset dementia, PTSD, brain tumour, delusional disorder and probably others as well.

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

I like the slogan and can see how it would be beneficial for public education but there is one snare....the symptoms of paranoia by a persons belief they are being spied on or tracked, can be symptoms of other illnesses as well. Early onset dementia, PTSD, brain tumour, delusional disorder and probably others as well.

Thank you for your feedback, Judy. I modified my slogan to:

• Suspicion of being spied on is a sign of Mental Illness!

I am making a pitch to the Canadian Mental Health Association and also to the National Mental Health Association. I will notify the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum if I hear anything from them.

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Simon

I did not mention in my earlier post that my wife has a sister in jail awaiting her trial for murder; her sister is schizophrenic. During a calm discussion today about her sister situation she abruptly warned me that if I ever used her sister situation in a divorce case I better get a good life insurance policy. I've asked to repeat what she just said and she repeated it a second time. I then told her you are threatening me now? She posed for an instant and told me that I imagined this and that she simply said that would be unfair. In you undertsanding of the Canadian law (or Qc) and base on your experience is that enough to qualify for an immediate danger and to involontarely commit her for evaluation?

Here is an excerpt from Code Civil du Québec.

My lawyer said that there is a good chance for my wife's case because she mentioned "suicide" many times. However, my lawyer also pointed out that unfortunately there are all kinds of judges...

DE LA GARDE EN ÉTABLISSEMENT ET DE L'ÉVALUATION PSYCHIATRIQUE 26. Nul ne peut être gardé dans un établissement de santé ou de services sociaux, en vue d'une évaluation psychiatrique ou à la suite d'une évaluation psychiatrique concluant à la nécessité d'une garde, sans son consentement ou sans que la loi ou le tribunal l'autorise. Le consentement peut être donné par le titulaire de l'autorité parentale ou, lorsque la personne est majeure et qu'elle ne peut manifester sa volonté, par son mandataire, son tuteur ou son curateur. Ce consentement ne peut être donné par le représentant qu'en l'absence d'opposition de la personne. 1991, c. 64, a. 26; 1997, c. 75, a. 29. 27. S'il a des motifs sérieux de croire qu'une personne représente un danger pour elle-même ou pour autrui en raison de son état mental, le tribunal peut, à la demande d'un médecin ou d'un intéressé, ordonner qu'elle soit, malgré l'absence de consentement, gardée provisoirement dans un établissement de santé ou de services sociaux pour y subir une évaluation psychiatrique. Le tribunal peut aussi, s'il y a lieu, autoriser tout autre examen médical rendu nécessaire par les circonstances. Si la demande est refusée, elle ne peut être présentée à nouveau que si d'autres faits sont allégués. Si le danger est grave et immédiat, la personne peut être mise sous garde préventive, sans l'autorisation du tribunal, comme il est prévu par la Loi sur la protection des personnes dont l'état mental présente un danger pour elles-mêmes ou pour autrui. 1991, c. 64, a. 27; 1997, c. 75, a. 30. 28. Lorsque le tribunal ordonne une mise sous garde en vue d'une évaluation psychiatrique, un examen doit avoir lieu dans les 24 heures de la prise en charge par l'établissement de la personne concernée ou, si celle-ci était déjà sous garde préventive, de l'ordonnance du tribunal. Si le médecin qui procède à l'examen conclut à la nécessité de garder la personne en établissement, un second examen psychiatrique doit être effectué par un autre médecin, au plus tard dans les 96 heures de la prise en charge ou, si la personne était initialement sous garde préventive, dans les 48 heures de l'ordonnance. Dès lors qu'un médecin conclut que la garde n'est pas nécessaire, la personne doit être libérée. Si les deux médecins concluent à la nécessité de la garde, la personne peut être maintenue sous garde, pour un maximum de 48 heures, sans son consentement ou l'autorisation du tribunal. 1991, c. 64, a. 28; 1997, c. 75, a. 31. 29. Tout rapport d'examen psychiatrique doit porter, notamment, sur la nécessité d'une garde en établissement si la personne représente un danger pour elle-même ou pour autrui en raison de son état mental, sur l'aptitude de la personne qui a subi l'examen à prendre soin d'elle-même ou à administrer ses biens et, le cas échéant, sur l'opportunité d'ouvrir à son égard un régime de protection du majeur. Il doit être remis au tribunal dans les sept jours de l'ordonnance. Il ne peut être divulgué, sauf aux parties, sans l'autorisation du tribunal. 1991, c. 64, a. 29; 1997, c. 75, a. 32. 30. La garde en établissement à la suite d'une évaluation psychiatrique ne peut être autorisée par le tribunal que si les deux rapports d'examen psychiatrique concluent à la nécessité de cette garde. Même en ce cas, le tribunal ne peut autoriser la garde que s'il a lui-même des motifs sérieux de croire que la personne est dangereuse et que sa garde est nécessaire, quelle que soit par ailleurs la preuve qui pourrait lui être présentée et même en l'absence de toute contre-expertise. 1991, c. 64, a. 30; 1997, c. 75, a. 33; 2002, c. 19, a. 1.

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Simon

For members of the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum close to Gatineau, QC, or Ottawa, ON, there is an important event at Centre hospitalier Pierre-Janet. Unfortunately, there is a schedule conflict with the 20th Anniversary of the Ottawa Chapter of the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario at Royal Ottawa Hospital, which is also on 2005-09-28 at 19:00. I am torn between the 2 events :-(.

Conférence à Pierre-Janet • Le 28 septembre de 19h à 20h30 au 20, rue Pharand, secteur Hull, la conférencière Chantal Lavigne viendra parler des différents aspects légaux concernant les personnes aux prises avec des problèmes de santé mentale. Premier arrivé, premier servi.

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Simon

Simon

Merci pour l'information. Je trouve que les familles et les conjoints sont particulièrement négligés et démunis dans les circonstances que nous partageons.

Oscar

I haven't been on here for a while. I've read all the recent posts and it seems we are all in a similar situation with respect to our loved ones denial of their problem. I, too, have the same problem. Everyone tells me that once an individual is of age there is nothing that can be done to force them into a tratment program. The psychiatrist has told me that there is nothing they can do until he hits bottom, becomes a threat to himself or others, basicaly all the obstacles I read on this site. It is horrible to watch a loved one suffer and feel helpless. And what is worse is knowing that they have to deteriate severely before they are forced to comply.

If I were the one with a mental problem, I would not like to be forced by a police officer with a gun, either.

In spite of tons of documents and advice about how to deal with people with mental illness, I still cannot handle the situation in which my wife is completely caught up in paranoid delusions that are absolutely true to her. Since I have denied her stories over the years, I have lost all credibility with my wife who continues to refuse professional care.

Therefore, I would like to propose the following service.

1. a letter of invitation written by a psychiatrist pointing out a likely diagnosis based on the evidence presented by the loved ones (me and the kids) 2. a social worker who would deliver the letter and explain the process in person, and accompany the individual (my wife) to the psychiatrist

Even if there were service charges, it would be less than the thousands of dollars that I am paying to my lawyer...

Would this proposal be helpful in other similar situations?

_________________

Simon

Simon

Your idea is interesting. However since the letter would be based on your perception of the situation and because your have no credibility with your wife I don't know if this could work.

I have tried something similar when I had my wife to choose a psychologist to help our couple. Honest to God, I did not have a chance to say much during the two meetings and she started saying (with tears and cryes) that I was an expert manipulator etc. etc. The psychologist instantly became an incompetent since he could not pick up on how mean I am. It may still be worth a try if the social worker has the experience to handle the situation and if youre wife recognizes her hallucination and dellusions. This being said take it for what it is worth, I am new at this schiz paranoi and legal issues and can not believe the information I gather specially when kids are involved.

Simon, there is something I do not understand. From what I gathered your wife is now asking the court for your childs custody; childs that have been with you for a long time. Your kids are all older then 12 and a Qc judge would ask them where they want to stay (with their dad or their mom) and why. From what you wrote they did pick up on their mom behavior and presumably they will not want to stay with her. More then that, she is the one who left the family.

How would she explain that she left the house leaving you with the kids for more then six month now?

I doubt if a judge would give her child custody or garde partagée with what you are bringning up and if your kids support your says and do not want to stay with her. Have you tried DPJ to see if they can help?

This could be your edge to get her treated. If she wants the kids and the judge is too mixed up he may ask for an evaluation.

What do you think?

I am thinking with you because I did not get satisfactory answers from the lawyers I dealt with. The answers they provided me with I could have come up to by reading the law myself. I think they do not have sufficient experience in dealing with this kind of situation. I know the judge is there to apply the law but I can't believe he can toss away claims as serious as the one you are making when kids are involved.

Best regards

Your idea is interesting. However since the letter would be based on your perception of the situation and because your have no credibility with your wife I don't know if this could work.

Good point, Oscar. I thought that if I simply listed the facts, any competent psychiatrist would be able to give his/her objective opinion OK. Since my wife's mind is now completely closed on this issue, I am just desperate.

Simon, there is something I do not understand. From what I gathered your wife is now asking the court for your childs custody; childs that have been with you for a long time. Your kids are all older then 12 and a Qc judge would ask them where they want to stay (with their dad or their mom) and why. From what you wrote they did pick up on their mom behavior and presumably they will not want to stay with her. More then that, she is the one who left the family. How would she explain that she left the house leaving you with the kids for more then six month now?

My wife left the house in 2005-06, so it has been 3 months since my life was turned upside down. My wife is normal and functions well except for paranoid delusions, withdrawal from family members, etc. The kids love both parents equally, so they have no problem staying with their dad 50% and with their mom 50%. Neither would I, if the separation had been mutual without any mental health issue.

I doubt if a judge would give her child custody or garde partagée with what you are bringning up and if your kids support your says and do not want to stay with her. Have you tried DPJ to see if they can help? This could be your edge to get her treated. If she wants the kids and the judge is too mixed up he may ask for an evaluation. What do you think?

When my wife unilaterally left the house, I said that the kids could visit her only on weekends. My wife wanted garde partagée, so she hired a lawyer. Her lawyer, who had no knowledge of my wife's mental illness, managed to have a judge (Cour familiale) declare garde partagée last month when my lawyer was sick and unprepared. The request for a psychiatric evaluation has to be made separately to a different court (Cour du Québec) with different judges.

I am thinking with you because I did not get satisfactory answers from the lawyers I dealt with. The answers they provided me with I could have come up to by reading the law myself. I think they do not have sufficient experience in dealing with this kind of situation. I know the judge is there to apply the law but I can't believe he can toss away claims as serious as the one you are making when kids are involved.

My lawyer is intimately familiar with the situation. As we speak, she is drafting up a Requête with many pages of my wife's history (complot de surveillance et d'espionnage), escalating hostility toward her own family members, thoughts of suicide, etc.

Thanks again, Oscar.

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Simon

Her lawyer, who had no knowledge of my wife's mental illness, managed to have a judge (Cour familiale) declare garde partagée last month when my lawyer was sick and unprepared.

That is really sad that things like this can happen. I believe I understand how you may feel about this. Sorry to ask you for these details but they may be important for me later on.

Were your worries about her mental ilness brought up to that Cour familiale judge? If so how did he react? What logic did he apply to put this aside without digging any further?

Have you ever tought of DPJ? Like I may have mentionned before my lawyer called on my behalf and they will do nothing if the kids stay with both parents as long as one of the two is not ill and can protect them. However they did indicate that they may investigate. Now that yours are living half the time with your ex that could be a different ball game. Your thougth will be welcome.

My lawyer is intimately familiar with the situation. As we speak, she is drafting up a Requête with many pages of my wife's history (complot de surveillance et d'espionnage), escalating hostility toward her own family members, thoughts of suicide, etc.

It seems you may have found a lawyer that can relate to what you are going trough and have first hand experience with this kind of situation. Please let us know how things are going for you.

Thanks again

Oscar

That is really sad that things like this can happen. I believe I understand how you may feel about this. Sorry to ask you for these details but they may be important for me later on. Were your worries about her mental ilness brought up to that Cour familiale judge? If so how did he react? What logic did he apply to put this aside without digging any further? Have you ever tought of DPJ? Like I may have mentionned before my lawyer called on my behalf and they will do nothing if the kids stay with both parents as long as one of the two is not ill and can protect them. However they did indicate that they may investigate. Now that yours are living half the time with your ex that could be a different ball game. Your thougth will be welcome.

The court case is still in progress, so I am in no position to give you any advice at this moment. I have not contacted the Directeur de la protection de la jeunesse (DPJ), since my ordeal is not about child custody or money, but about saving my wife's sanity and restoring the happy family that we had together. As such, there is no "ex" yet, unless my quest fails.

My in-laws showed Duplessis-Era stigma towards mental illness, and recommended "médiation familiale" instead of "consultation matrimoniale", knowing full well that the mediation is for arranging child custody and dividing up the assets rather than saving the marriage. My 16-year old son thinks that they are in the Dark Ages. There is nothing wrong with living in the past, but attacking a person who is doing everything to save the family is absolutely inexcusable.

My analogy is that marriage counselling is like a Search & Rescue operation, while family mediation is like a Search & Recovery operation when it is too late.

It seems you may have found a lawyer that can relate to what you are going trough and have first hand experience with this kind of situation. Please let us know how things are going for you.

Yes, I will, Oscar.

If there is a happy ending and I manage to save the happy family, my dream is to co-author an E-book with my recovered wife, something like "Surveillance and Spying: Recovering from Paranoid Delusions". Thank you, Mark Ellerby, for setting a successful precedent with "The Stages of Schizophrenia". My hope appears more and more remote as time goes by, though.

Sometimes, I am on the verge of giving up since the kids are adapting to the separation OK and my in-laws are very happy to get rid of me. The counsellors and advisors all say that my situation is "very tough", "very difficult" and "sad" because my wife's mental illness is a border-line case. Maybe I should accept the separation, drop the losing battle that I am fighting alone, and rejoice the opportunity to find a new woman, and move on with my life?

I am now singing in tears Simple Plan's song "How Could This Happen To Me" (And I can't stand the pain) and Melissa Manchester's song "Don't Cry Out Loud" (And if you should fall, remember you almost made it)...

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Simon

Simon

I have not contacted the Directeur de la protection de la jeunesse (DPJ), since my ordeal is not about child custody or money, but about saving my wife's sanity and restoring the happy family that we had together.

I understand if you do not want to comment since you are still in court. It is clear in your previous posts that you hope to get your happy family back together; I share the same ''dream''.

And this is where I tought about DPJ. The intention is to use what is available in the system since there is almost nothing to protect family members unless something really dangerous happens.

You mentionned in a previous post that you told your kids to call 911 if anything happens. You seem to be worried about their safety notwhistanding their psychological development. What I worry myself about is the perception of the world my kids will develop if they live in a world of spyes and suspicion? DPJ is there to protect the kids. If they get worried enough they will investigate. Then they may say that the kids should not stay with their mom. Your wife solution to this, if she wants to keep access to her kids is to accept a psychiatric evaluation and if diagnosed, is to be med compliant. Getting your wife evaluated is one thing, getting her to stay on medication is another ball game. Again, I am new to this and that is why your touch on the DPJ idea would be appreciated. I comtemplating this option myself.

My hope appears more and more remote as time goes by, though. Sometimes, I am on the verge of giving up since the kids are adapting to the separation OK and my in-laws are very happy to get rid of me.

Please don't give up. But if than can help, I will share my priorities with you.

My first is to protect myself. There is no way I can help my kids or my wife if I get sick myself (depression or something like this). My second is to protect my kids (physically and emotionally); they are not armed to cope with this and they will have to live the next 60 years with the potential consequences of their childhood. Finally my third priority is to help my wife.

Solidairement,

Oscar

Hello Simon,

I'm going to respond to a couple of your questions here to make it easier. You had mentioned a conference and the Ottawa Schizophrenia Society aniversary being the same day. I would attend the conference because chapter events happen all of the time. I learn so much from conferences.

I'm sorry to say that I don't speak or understand any French because I went to an elementary school that was new and was a pilot program for the Whole Language approach to education. Which is why my spelling has some issues. We do need to teach phonetics along with this approach. A combination is best to catch those who don't do well with one method. I wish I had French and have considered taking classes. So, I don't know the content of the conference and can't understand posts that are in French only. Is there an online program that converts French to English?

The SSO has some new bookmarks and the quote describes schizophrenia in one sentence similar to what you were trying to do for a slogan. "Schizophrenia is treatable. Common symtptoms include social withdrawal, depression, disorganized thinking and hallucinations. Schizophrenia affects 1 in 100 people."

As I had mentioned to you in the past, I have a friend who is dealing with a husband who has a delusional disorder. This is very difficult because he does not have other symptoms of the illness but his delusions are keeping him from work and interfering in family functioning. The problem that would come with a forced hospitalization and treatment would be an intrenched belief in the delusion of being poisened and followed and watched by certain people. The delsuion would then include anyone who was a part of the treatment.

It really is a catch 22 because there is nothing that will change her husbands belief (it is very real to him and it is impossible to convince him otherwise) except medication. There does come a point where you have to decide how much of your life to put into a relationship that is not what you want it to be, Simon. One year, 5 yrs, 10 yrs 15 yrs or the rest of your life? It really is up to you and you will know when the time has come to let it go and get on with your life.

It is very sad and I too feel that more should be done for these people. If only psychologists could work on finding a solution because they "could" come up with something if it was studied enough, I believe. I have heard of an approach with people with alcoholism where the family and friends all gather together and confront the person about their drinking and the problems they have with it and what they want the person to do about treatment for it. This can be a very affective approach to get someone into treatment and I wonder how helpful it would be for someone with a mental illness. I would say that most people who are developing a mental illness do have thoughts about what is happening to them.

It is very sad, Simon, and I wish there were more options for you to try.

Hugs

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Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Simon, I found this on the BC schizophrenia Site

http://www.bcss.org/support_centre/information_for_families/index.html

Steps for working with delusions Working with delusions is similar to hallucinations, except that more non-verbal techniques are required. You will need to sit in silence longer and with more patience, as delusions do not tend to go away, ever. The person may not verbally express them as often, but they are usually omnipresent. 1. Establish a trusting, interpersonal relationship: • Do not reason, argue, or challenge the delusion. Attempting to disprove the delusion is not helpful. • Assure the person that s/he is safe and no harm will come. • Do not leave the person alone - use openness and honesty at all times. • Encourage the person to verbalize feelings of anxiety, fear, and insecurity - offer concern and protection to prevent injury to self or others. • Convey acceptance of the need for false belief • Center on the person, rather than the need to control symptoms - remain calm. 2. Identify the content/type of delusion: • Assist in understanding the person and the purpose the delusion serves. • Clarify any confusion of the person's verbalization by asking what they are saying. • If you do not attempt to clarify confusion, the result may be even greater confusion, anxiety and reaffirmed delusion. • Do not confirm or feed into the delusion by asking questions about it when the person is not delusional. For example: NEVER ask, How's the CIA today? • Identify the presence of a central topic. • Identify the presence of a central feeling tone. 3. Investigate the meaning of the delusion: • Assess areas in the person's life that they are no longer able to manage, control, or participate in. • Assess the concrete ways in which the delusion interferes with the person's functioning. • Ask whether the person has taken action based on his/her delusion. • Without agreeing or arguing, question the logic or reasoning behind the delusion. For example: • If the CIA are harassing you, who is the contact person? 4. Assess the intensity, frequency, and duration of the delusion: • Fleeting delusions can be worked within a short time frame. • Fixed delusions, which have endured over a long period of time, may have to be temporarily avoided in order to prevent them from becoming stumbling blocks in the relationship. • Does the person always greet you with the delusion? If so, just quietly listen and then give direction for the task at hand. • If it appears that the individual cannot stop talking about the delusion, ask gently if s/he recalls what you have been doing and that it's time to resume that activity. • If the person is very intent upon telling you the delusion, just quietly listen until there is no need to discuss it any further. Remember that it is helpful to give the person reassurance during the delusion that s/he, as a person, is okay. Barriers to Successful Intervention 1. Becoming anxious and avoiding the person • This leads to annoyance, anger, a sense of hopelessness and failure, feelings of inadequacy, and potential for laughing at the person. 2. Reinforcing the delusion • Do not 'go along' with the delusion, especially to get the cooperation of the person. 3. Attempting to prove that the person is wrong • Do not attempt a logical explanation. 4. Setting unrealistic goals • Do not underestimate the power of a delusion and the person's need for it. 5. Becoming incorporated into the delusional system • This will cause great confusion for the person and make it impossible to establish boundaries.

Reference: Lego, S. (1984) The American Handbook of Psychiatric Nursing. Philadelphia: J.B. Lippincott Company

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Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Hi Simon and Oscar Colleen Moore of the Canadian Mental Health Association, runs the support group called H.E.L.P on her own, without any subsidy, she designed her own brochure. She just gave me permission to give you the e-mail address. help_@sympatico.ca

The group meets on Wednesday nights in Toronto. Do not worry about writing in French only, from now on I'll try and translate as soon as I see something posted in French. I was amazed to see that the time granted for an assessment in Quebec is only 24 hours. In Ontario it could be up to 72 hours. I hope you enjoy chatting with Colleen. She has been through some of what you have been through (no children though) and is professionally qualified ,

As Indigo Blue would say Hugs

You mentionned in a previous post that you told your kids to call 911 if anything happens. You seem to be worried about their safety notwhistanding their psychological development. What I worry myself about is the perception of the world my kids will develop if they live in a world of spyes and suspicion? DPJ is there to protect the kids. If they get worried enough they will investigate. Then they may say that the kids should not stay with their mom. Your wife solution to this, if she wants to keep access to her kids is to accept a psychiatric evaluation and if diagnosed, is to be med compliant. Getting your wife evaluated is one thing, getting her to stay on medication is another ball game. Again, I am new to this and that is why your touch on the DPJ idea would be appreciated. I comtemplating this option myself.

I contacted the Directeur de la protection de la jeunesse (DPJ) today to discuss the situation. Since the kids are old enough (16, 14, 12), the DPJ's intervention would be limited, to say the least. I was advised to appeal to the Cour supérieur to have the garde partagée modified.

They said that in case of a crisis, the kids can just call me to pick them up. I told them that there was a case of stabbing deaths of 3 family members by a man who suffers from the same condition as my wife does (paranoid and delusional schizophrenia), but the DPJ's mandate is strictly to protect the children (especially the young ones), so there is nothing they can do. Oh, well...

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Simon

Thank you, Judy, for a lot of useful information. I think that this is the type of training you get at the NAMI workshop?

The most important points from the BC Schizophrenia Society website, first and foremost, are the following.

• Do not reason, argue, or challenge the delusion. Attempting to disprove the delusion is not helpful. • Do not attempt a logical explanation.

I made my career out of thinking logically, so having to be illogical is just impossible for me. Since I had made no link between my wife's delusions and mental illness until 2005-05, I disproved her logic-defying delusions for 12 years. It made me lose all credibility with her and eventually exhausted her love toward me.

Marriages break down (50% of the first, 80% of the second), and families reconstitute all the time. It is different in my case (and others here in this forum) because a happy family disintegrated so suddenly due to a mental illness with the blessing of my in-laws's stigma.

The separation is unspeakably painful for me because I know exactly why my wife behaves the way she does. I know when the symptoms (delusions, hallucinations) started to happen. I know the possible diagnostics (paranoid type). I know the personality traits that contributed to her condition (sensitivity). I know the triggers in her family (still manipulative parents), in her youth (lack of confidence), and in her workplace environment (jealousy). I know the biochemistry in her brain with unbalanced levels of neurotransmitters (dopamine, endorphin, serotonin, norepinephrine, glutamate). I know the possible treatment with antipsychosis drugs (neurotransmitter inhibitors/agonists/antagonists). I know the dopamine receptors in her neurons to be blocked by medications (D2 receptors by typical, D4 receptors by atypical). I know the side effects of typical and atypical medications. I know the possible psychotherapy for her ("spider" therapy).

I know how each of the 3 kids are feeling. I know that my wife's condition is deteriorating. I know what is likely to happen if her conditions remain untreated. I know the possible consequences of a crisis with 911. I know how the legal system in Canada works in this situation. I know which sections of the Civil Code of Quebec apply.

I know which clinic she has to visit in order to get a referral from a doctor to a hospital for proper professional care. Dr. Pierre Lalonde, who wrote many psychiatry textbooks in French and is the top schizophrenia authority in Quebec, knows that my wife needs a psychiatric evaluation.

Yet, despite all the knowledge about what should happen to my situation step-by-step, along with advice from counselling and friends, I am hopelessly powerless against the stigma towards mental illness in which reason fails without logic...

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Simon

Thank you, fluffy. I will contact Colleen Moore of the Canadian Mental Health Association.

6 PHASES OF A PROJECT 1. Enthusiasm 2. Disillusionment 3. Panic 4. Search for the Guilty 5. Punishment of the Innocent 6. Praise & Honours for the Non-participants

The list can apply to "Marriage/Family" as a "PROJECT". I am now attributing the family break-up to my low Emotional Quotient (EQ), so I am in the blaming-myself phase (Phase 5).

_________________

Simon

Since the kids are old enough (16, 14, 12), the DPJ's intervention would be limited, to say the least.

DPJ's mandate is strictly to protect the children (especially the young ones), so there is nothing they can do. Oh, well...

It does not make sense. Resort to the court.....Ya they washed their hands. There something I don't understand in this system everywhere we knock noone answers.

Simon, understand your point about logic. I am a scientist.

Fluffy, Thank you I'll will also try your contact

Simon and Oscar,

Please don't blame yourself for your wife's illness. Non of us are going to do everything right because that's impossible. You can't know what no one has told you, so as you start to learn about your wife's illness don't get caught in the "should have knowns" because, again, you can't know what no one has told you.

It is very rare that you see anything on television, hear anything on radio or see anything in print about psychosis. Unless you have worked in the mental health field or studied in mental health, you are not going to know much at all about mental illness in general.

I remember shuddering at the words "mental illness" because to me it meant that something was done to my son to cause his illness, like bad parenting or some kind of psychological event. I know many families who tell the stories of when they were blamed by professionals for their childs schizophrenia. It is far from the truth that families cause schizophrenia just as it is far from the truth that families cause autism.

The NAMI class covers some of the specifics about communication difficulties that mental illness can bring about and how to cope with that. There is also an extensive component on the brain and neurotransmitters and how they work as well as the recent theories about causes. One of the nicest parts about the course is that you are with many other families going through similar things as yourself and by the end of the course you have a lighter weight on your shoulders.

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

It is very rare that you see anything on television, hear anything on radio or see anything in print about psychosis. Unless you have worked in the mental health field or studied in mental health, you are not going to know much at all about mental illness in general.

I watched the film "A Beautiful Mind" with my wife and the kids a few years ago. It was quite interesting because the Nobel Prize winner is a mathematician like my wife. At the time, however, I made no connection between John Nash's "visual hallucination" and my wife's "surveillance and spying".

Now that I am in the middle of a mental health crisis, I notice more and more films, TV shows and newspaper articles about schizophrenia, paranoid delusion, etc. Here is a partial list.

Film: Truman Show, The (1998) • Jim Carrey's character's experience of being the unaware star of a lifelong TV show must be something akin to what it must be like to be schizophrenic or paranoid and delusional. Film: Sixth Sense, The (1999) • Bruce Willis's character diagnoses the boy as having school-age schizophrenia with visual hallucination and paranoia. Film: Schizophrenia (2000) Film: Beautiful Mind, A (2001) Film: K-PAX (2001) Film: Trick of the Mind, A (2006) Film: Number 23, The (2007) Film: Canvas (2007) Film: Black Swan (2010) Film: A Woman Under the Influence (1974) Film: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) Film: Awakenings (1990) TV: X-Files • many episodes TV: House • many episodes TV: Star Trek: The Next Generation • "Night Terrors" (The crew is threatened by hallucinations and panic.) • "Identity Crisis" (A parasite transforms Geordi.) TV: Smallville • "Asylum" and "Shattered" (Lex Luthor develops paranoid delusion.) • "Splinter" (Clark Kent is exposed to silver krptonite, causing him to have paranoid delusions.) TV: Daily Planet (Discovery Channel) • Spider therapy (2 segments) TV: The Nature of Things (CBC) • "The Downside of High" • "Changing Your Mind" • "Passion and Fury: The Emotional Brain" (psychotherapy) Newspaper: Ottawa Citizen Mental Health Series (2003-10-10) • a mathematics professor who made a minor error in his publication committed suicide because of perfectionist obsession

I was informed that I must pay for the appointment with a psychiatrist, who is a hospital staff but also has a private clinic where I will be visiting in 2 to 3 months. So, Canada's universal medicare does not seem to cover mental illness?

_________________

Simon

Simon,

It's true that you start to notice more "mental illness" topics once you have a loved one with an illness.

Hmmm, missed those Star Trek episodes. They sound like good ones!

What the heck is spider therapy? I was thinking you were refering to exposure therapy for spider phobias. I did a search but could only come up with varicose vein treatment and a spider suit or equipment that is used for children with movement disorders such as Cerebral Palsy.

Private practice psychiatrists can bill your provincial health plan but maybe some will bill above and beyond? It would be good to know why you have to pay. The only other time I know of someone paying for a psychiatrist is if the relative is from another country and they have no health insurance.

Simon, my family doctor prescribes my antidepressant (which is very helpful) but she also has had me connected to a therapist for counselling and insures that I am involved in support groups. Research shows that a combination of therapy and medication works best for depression/anxiety problems.

Many people who suffer multiple losses and have to deal with uncontrolable events such as you are dealing with in your family, develop reactive depression. Some don't like to admit it or talk about it and will use alchol or other ineffective means to cope.

There are a group of family doctors who are also trained in psychotherapy and I have friends who get their medication and therapy from this kind of doctor. They are GP psychotherapists (General Practitioners). They are covered by OHIP in Ontario but you can call the organization for these doctors and enquire about practitioners in Quebec.

The following link also describes other people who can provide therapy because who does what can be confusing:

http://www.camh.net/printable/challenges_choices_typtherapists_pr.html

Here is a link to a site that some of us family members are putting together for those who end up in the criminal justice system. (This is a template only but it's almost done)

There is a good article about reactive depression:

http://fpmic.blog-city.com/clinical_depression.htm

Hugs

What the heck is spider therapy? I was thinking you were refering to exposure therapy for spider phobias. I did a search but could only come up with varicose vein treatment and a spider suit or equipment that is used for children with movement disorders such as Cerebral Palsy.

Thank you yet again for the helpful information, Judy.

Yes, what I meant by "spider" therapy is the exposure therapy for spider and other phobias. In my wife's case, she expects everybody around her (including me) to live up to her extremely high ethical and moral standards. I have been telling her that we have nothing to hide, but she has always been overly conscious about other people having her personal information on her private life, even if such information is public and of absolutely no importance to anybody else in the universe.

Some documents say that these personal traits are prerequisite for the onset of schizophrenia. My thought is that if she overcame this phobia as a part of psychotherapy, her paranoid delusions would diminish. But again, I am not a qualified doctor...

_________________

Simon

Challenge paid off The Ottawa Citizen September 16, 2005 Re: Some jokes are harmful, Sept. 6 I sent a challenge to the staff of Radio Hot 89.9 from the staff of the Distress Centre of Ottawa and Region due to the radio station's contest that appeared to make light of mental illness. Immediately after my letter to the editor was published, I received an e-mail. They were stepping up to the challenge! Both Mauler and Josie (Hot 89.9 radio personalities) contacted me and I accepted an invitation to go on air to talk about our distress centre and its role in the community. I was also pleased when the entire staff of the morning show accepted an invitation to come for a tour of our centre and to learn more about who we are and what we do. After what could have had a very negative impact on our centre, and others similar to it that work daily to remove the stigma surrounding mental health, the staff of Hot 89.9 definitely took positive some steps. I look forward to working with them in the future. Christine Rodeghiero, Ottawa, Manager of external relations, Distress Centre of Ottawa and Region © The Ottawa Citizen 2005

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Simon

They did not get any complaints ? May be it is because their "Contact Us"

space on their website does not go anywhere. I wanted to thank them for making contact with the ROH and could not get through .

Nami has a stigma buster site, may be they would not want to be on it.

Not a threat, just a friendly suggestion.

I think that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) would be better for dealing with delusions than exposure therapies for anxiety disorders. There is research that shows that CBT is helpful for people with schizophrenia. I do recall a presentation by a CBT psychologist who was doing research with this method of therapy and schizophrenia. Her results showed a positive impact on delusions and she felt it may be an important part of treatment in early intervention programs.

Medication is the most beneficial treatment to reduce these symptoms or eliminate them. CBT would be a beneficial adjunct for those who still have symptoms, I would think.

Another thought came to mind about your well being, Simon. I was not eating very well when I was in the most stressful situations so I asked my pharmacist for a recommendation for a multivitamin. For my age (40's) and being a woman under a great deal of stress, he suggested Mega-Vim by Jamieson. This mulitvitamin has the B vitamins which are good for stress.

Cheers

With antidepressants and multivitamins :~}

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

I am sweating bullets trying to translate accurately enough, however, I have found on the French" Portail Quebec "Loi sur la protection des personnes dont l'etat mental etc....If you gave me the exact name of the document you quote, you or I can find exactly the same thing under Quebec Portal in English .

I was worried with "un examen doit avoir lieu dans les 24 heures"..., Thanks

Fluffy :~} sorry but I can't help but smile at your name. There is a cat that lives just down the road who is all white and very short haired. She is not very fluffy and she adores her caretakers.

Please don't worry about doing translations. If there is something that is important for those of us who don't speak French to know then just give us a very brief summary.

I'm quite comfortable with others speaking French to each other and within the same threads.

Enjoy your preferred languages without feeling like you need to translate for any of us.

Cheers

How do you say cheers in French?

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

I am sweating bullets trying to translate accurately enough, however, I have found on the French" Portail Quebec "Loi sur la protection des personnes dont l'etat mental etc....If you gave me the exact name of the document you quote, you or I can find exactly the same thing under Quebec Portal in English . I was worried with "un examen doit avoir lieu dans les 24 heures"..., Thanks

I am so sorry that I posted the text in French, since it was targeted to Oscar.

Notwithstanding "La Charte de la langue française", all laws and regulations in Quebec are published in English as well as in French, including "The Charter of the French language" itself and "The Civil Code of Québec".

CONFINEMENT IN AN INSTITUTION AND PSYCHIATRIC ASSESSMENT 26. No person may be confined in a health or social services institution for a psychiatric assessment or following a psychiatric assessment concluding that confinement is necessary without his consent or without authorization by law or the court. Consent may be given by the person having parental authority or, in the case of a person of full age unable to express his wishes, by his mandatary, tutor or curator. Such consent may be given by the representative only if the person concerned does not object. 1991, c. 64, a. 26; 1997, c. 75, s. 29. 27. Where the court has serious reasons to believe that a person is a danger to himself or to others owing to his mental state, it may, on the application of a physician or an interested person and notwithstanding the absence of consent, order that he be confined temporarily in a health or social services institution for a psychiatric assessment. The court may also, where appropriate, authorize any other medical examination that is necessary in the circumstances. The application, if refused, may not be submitted again except where different facts are alleged. If the danger is grave and immediate, the person may be placed under preventive confinement, without the authorization of the court, as provided for in the Act respecting the protection of persons whose mental state presents a danger to themselves or to others. 1991, c. 64, a. 27; 1997, c. 75, s. 30. 28. Where the court orders that a person be placed under confinement for a psychiatric assessment, an examination must be carried out within 24 hours after the person is taken in charge by the institution or, if the person was already under preventive confinement, within 24 hours of the court order. If the physician who carries out the examination concludes that confinement in an institution is necessary, a second psychiatric examination must be carried out by another physician within 96 hours after the person is taken in charge by the institution or, if the person was already under preventive confinement, within 48 hours of the court order. If a physician reaches the conclusion that confinement is not necessary, the person must be released. If both physicians reach the conclusion that confinement is necessary, the person may be kept under confinement without his consent or the authorization of the court for no longer than 48 hours. 1991, c. 64, a. 28; 1997, c. 75, s. 31. 29. A psychiatric examination report must deal in particular with the necessity of confining the person in an institution if he is a danger to himself or to others owing to his mental state, with the ability of the person who has undergone the examination to care for himself or to administer his property and, where applicable, with the advisability of instituting protective supervision of the person of full age. The report must be filed with the court within seven days of the court order. It may not be disclosed, except to the parties, without the authorization of the court. 1991, c. 64, a. 29; 1997, c. 75, s. 32. 30. Confinement in an institution following a psychiatric assessment may only be authorized by the court if both psychiatric reports conclude that confinement is necessary. Even if that is the case, the court may not authorize confinement unless the court itself has serious reasons to believe that the person is dangerous and that the person's confinement is necessary, whatever evidence may be otherwise presented to the court and even in the absence of any contrary medical opinion. 1991, c. 64, a. 30; 1997, c. 75, s. 33; 2002, c. 19, s. 1. 30.1. A judgment authorizing confinement must also set the duration of confinement. However, the person under confinement must be released as soon as confinement is no longer justified, even if the set period of confinement has not elapsed. Any confinement required beyond the duration set by the judgment must be authorized by the court, in accordance with the provisions of article 30. 2002, c. 19, s. 1. 31. Every person confined in and receiving care in a health or social services establishment shall be informed by the establishment of the program of care established for him and of any important change in the program or in his living conditions. If the person is under 14 years of age or is incapable of giving his consent, the information is given to the person who is authorized to give consent to care on his behalf. 1991, c. 64, a. 31.

_________________

Simon

Now that is enough.

She is accusing me having beeten up my son with kicks in the stomach. I have checked with him to see if he ever told his mom something like this and he never did.

I am meeting a lawyer today. This is becoming dangerous for me.

Oscar

Creator of the indomitable Anne was burdened by personal, family problems Donna Jacobs The Ottawa Citizen Monday, September 19, 2005 "People say to me, as they occasionally do," wrote Lucy Maud Montgomery, "'Oh, how I envy you your gift, how I wish I could write as you do.' "I am inclined to wonder, with some inward amusement, how much they would have envied me on those dark, cold winter mornings of my apprenticeship." Ten years before Anne of Green Gables was published in 1908, she was boarding in a cold farmhouse and teaching all day. Too tired to write after a "strenuous" day in a tiny rural Prince Edward Island schoolhouse, she rose at 6 a.m. She dressed by lamplight in a house where the fires were not yet lit. "I would put on a heavy coat, sit on my feet to keep them from freezing and with fingers so cramped that I could scarcely hold the pen, I would write my 'stint' for the day. Then I would thaw out my hands, eat breakfast and go to school." After rejections from four publishers, Anne of Green Gables was published and sold 19,000 copies in five months. She was 34. An "inveterate scribbler," she kept a periodically interrupted journal from age nine. Aside from its therapy as her "grumble book," it enriched her characters and plots. Montgomery was born on Nov. 30, 1874 in Clifton (now New London), P.E.I. Her mother died at 23 of tuberculosis. Montgomery described the scene as her earliest memory. Her father held her in his arms beside the casket. He was crying. Uncomprehending, she reached down to touch her mother's cheek. "The chill of Mother's face had frightened me." Comforted by her father's kiss, "I looked down at that sweet placid face as he carried me away. That one precious memory is all I have of the girlish mother ..." She went to live with her grandparents in Cavendish -- a loving if somewhat solitary life. Her boredom was relieved by cavorting with two young boys who boarded with them. Early on, the "indefatigable little scribbler" combined, in her journal, her love of nature and of reading. She almost memorized the few books they had at home. She took teacher training and taught briefly, returning to Cavendish to care for her grandmother upon the death of her grandfather. Several years later, she got engaged to Rev. Ewen Macdonald, minister of the Presbyterian Church in Cavendish. After spending several enjoyable months working at the Halifax Daily Echo, she again returned home to take care of her grandmother -- "the only mother I knew" -- who died at the age of 87. Montgomery honoured her fateful commitment to marry only after her grandmother's death. She was 36 and wanted children. Ewen was handsome with "roguish eyes, engaging dimples on his cheeks" and -- crucially -- his profession was respectable. Right after the ceremony, she was devastated. "I felt a sudden horrible inrush of rebellion and despair. I wanted to be free! I was as unhappy as I had ever been in my life." She was to become unhappier. She had married into a family hiding the secret of mental illness. Those early days, near Uxbridge, Ont. were happy; her husband was well. She threw herself into a regimen of early morning writing and the busy life of a minister's wife and mother of two sons. She wrote half of her books there, including most of the eight Anne Shirley books and two of the Emily Starr trilogy. Both heroines were orphans. In 1919 -- "my last happy year" -- Ewen had a mental breakdown followed by an auto accident, a lawsuit and severe depressions. A partial diagnosis of religious melancholia emerged from his conviction that he was predestined to eternal damnation. Montgomery had remained fond and protective of Ewen, covering for him with parishioners who thought he suffered from headaches. She directed church plays and made church suppers, complete with her legendary strawberry pies. Ewen may have been jealous of her fame. Exhausted and equally resentful, she wrote in her journal on May 16, 1934: "Ewan (she spelled his name with an 'a') slept for five hours without 'dope' as he calls it ... had a very wild spell after dinner and wanted to go away. I bound a wet towel about his head ... and presently he grew calmer. But I felt very sick at heart." (Her journals have been collected at the University of Guelph and published as The Selected Journals of L.M. Montgomery, edited by Mary Rubio and Elizabeth Waterston.) "I am trying to get my garden in. Ewan will not help -- is 'too weak.' Of course his 'weakness' is purely imaginary or hysterical ..." Exhausted by her husband's illness and legal battles with her publisher over royalties, and beset by money problems, her own mental health faltered. In 1935, she and Ewen moved to Toronto, where she returned to the lucrative Anne series after an absence of 20 years. To her relief, she could still write, and write swiftly, despite "waves" of despair. She completed Anne of Windy Poplars between Aug. 12 and Nov. 25, 1935, Jane of Lantern Hill in early 1937 and Anne of Ingleside in the last four months of 1938. In her last note to one lifelong correspondent, in 1941, she admitted that the burden of her husband's care "broke me at last, as well as other things. And even the war. I do not think I will ever be well again." She died on April 24, 1942 and was buried in Cavendish, as she had wished, "looking on the beautiful scene I always loved." Ewen died on Dec. 13, 1943. Despite her personal trials, she had written 22 books, 20 of them novels; some 500 short stores and poems (verse was always her "first love"); and hundreds of vivid personal letters and responses to fan mail. She infused her books with Maritime and Ontario culture and peopled them with lively, complex characters against the backdrop of world war and personal drama. Instantly embraced by readers, and more recently by Canadian academics, Montgomery now attracts serious attention from scholars worldwide from countries and cultures as diverse as Sweden, Australia, China, England, Ireland, Scotland, Japan, Israel, the U.S. and Poland (where during the Second World War, a black market in her novels inspired the Polish resistance with the joyous spirit of an indomitable female.) Montgomery ranked No. 1 in CBC's millennium Great Canadian Writer Poll with 23 per cent of the votes. Farley Mowat came in second with 18 per cent. Governor General Adrienne Clarkson, the official patron of the L.M. Montgomery Institute at the University of Prince Edward Island in Charlottetown, has noted Montgomery's importance "not only in Canadian literature but in world literature." As a young immigrant from Hong Kong, Ms. Clarkson had really identified with the little orphan girl left at the train station. "I wasn't an orphan, but I could really relate to outsiders." Montgomery's Green Gables House in P.E.I. attracts 350,000 visitors yearly. Japanese fans, with 50 years of Montgomery's works on their school curricula, can now build their own version of her Victorian home. Her work appears in 20 languages. Anne of Green Gables alone sold an estimated 50 million copies worldwide. Anne of Green Gables -- The Musical is in its 41st year in P.E.I., which is already preparing for Anne's 100th anniversary in 2008. Donna Jacobs is an Ottawa writer; her e-mail address is mondaymorning@thecitizen.canwest.com © The Ottawa Citizen 2005

In "Creator of the indomitable Anne was burdened by personal, family problems", note the following.

• She (Lucy Maud Montgomery) had married into a family hiding the secret of mental illness.

_________________

Simon

With the kind help from Colleen Moore of the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA), I have found the following stories that Oscar, JD, I (and possibly many others) could related with...

Marriage to a Person that Has Schizophrenia - One Husband's Perspective I had no prior warning that the person that I chose to be my life-mate would become mentally ill. There were, and still are, no warning signs who will or will not get this disease. I don't know which is harder to deal with, a child with schizophrenia or a wife with the disease. Both are not easy. I would not wish this "hell" on anyone I know, now or in the past. In High School there was one person in particular who went out of his way to annoy me. I would not want him to go through what I have. From listening to others in similar circumstances, I have to assume that I am in a somewhat better position than they are. My wife is a High Achiever. By this I mean that she is able to function almost normally when she is on medication. She is working part-time as a Nursing Assistant in an Extended Care Facility, looking after old people with Alzheimer's and general old age mental problems. But this was not always the way it was. First a brief history. We were married in 1979 and our daughter was born in mid 1983. By December of that year, I knew something was not right with my wife but did not know what. In January 1984 she entered the hospital for the first of three visits. There was no firm diagnosis of what was wrong then or again when she re-admitted herself in December of the same year. Both stays were six weeks in length, and she came out on 50mg. Of Nozinane both times. The first time she took herself off after six months, the second time she stayed on for a long time. Still things were not that good at home, almost a constant battleground. The only time she heard "Voices" was with the first episode. The second one as "everyone is watching her/us to see if we were gay or not". On the second visit, I took her out one night to go for supper, but we had to leave half way through the meal. Every person in the restaurant was an employee of the hospital, sent there to watch us and make sure she didn't do anything wrong, including the way she held her knife and fork. She was able to stay out of the hospital until the birth of our son in 1986. This time she was in the hospital for three months, on and off. It was after she tried to kill herself that she was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. There now seemed to be light at the end of the tunnel. When she came home, she was taking 10mg. of Stalizene a day. Life seemed to be doing much better, both for her and for myself. Then she started to take herself off the medication over a period of about three years. I tried to talk to her doctor about this and the changes I noticed at home, but he would not talk to me without my wife's permission which she was not going to give me. It was between her and her doctor and I was just an outsider. When she was down to 1mg. a day, I was transferred to a different town to work. She at that time figured she was O.K. and didn't need anymore medication. The whole time we were in this town, all I wanted to was to run away. But I could not and would not leave my two children with this "sick" woman. She did not like where we were now living. The company I worked for did this "on purpose to her". They wanted to make her life miserable. They didn't care about her. Not only that, but she thought I did it on purpose too. She didn't like the people, she didn't like the church's, she didn't like the shopping, there was nothing she liked about it. And to top it all off, I had at least one girlfriend in every town for fifty miles around, (I had a large area to cover). Some days, she said, I would just get up and go to my girlfriend's place instead of work and would spend the whole day there. It soon got to the point where my children started to believe all that she said. Thankfully, I do work for a company which is compassionate. After explaining my situation to the right people in management, I was able to obtain a transfer back to where we came from. Here I was hoping to get proper medical treatment for my wife. I was eventually able to, but it took another two years of living in hell to do it. The only reason she went with me to see a doctor was because I had started divorce proceedings. She is now taking 10mg. of Olanzipine a day and is doing much better, including going back to work. What advice can I give? Not much I'm afraid. Love your wife with all you have. Try everything, no matter how small of a chance of success, to get her the help she needs. I tried everything from being overly loving, to having her arrested under a "Mental Health Warrant". When I applied for a divorce, I could honestly say to my self, "I have tried everything, every idea, every avenue, every suggestion that came my way, and I can do no more nor take no more". If you can look in the mirror in the morning and say that, then there is nothing left to do. One thing that I didn't do was tell my children soon enough what was happening with mom. I was, frankly, afraid to. When I finally did, it made it a little easier to deal with them because they now knew that mom had a problem and dad was doing his best. Life with a schizophrenic wife will never be easy. It will not be like other couples that you know. But with Love, Patience, Caring, and proper medical help, life will go on in a reasonable fashion. Good luck to all of you. Lance

A Loving Partner's Story March 2004 We all like stories. Family members of people with a mental illness especially like stories that inspire hope, for they know that hope fuels health and recovery as gasoline fuels a car: although you can get home without it, the journey will be much longer, more painful and much more difficult. My story of hope has three chapters. Chapter one is a short, simple love story that in chapter two quickly becomes a dramatic tale of a life-and-death struggle. Chapter three, the hopeful ending, is also the beginning of a new story of recovery and renewal. In the summer of 2003, John and I joyfully celebrated our twelfth anniversary and our happy life together - a life that during John's illness had seemed impossibly beyond our reach. We reminisced like veteran soldiers returned from a decade of battle on the shifting fronts of the mental health system, and shared our pride in our hard-won victory. We had paid dearly, with personal loss and the sacrifice of cherished dreams; but here, behind the lines of that war with bipolar disorder, we are building new dreams. Indeed, we have learned to dream differently, for John's recovery, once almost unimaginable, has been sustained for five years. Remarkably, it is five years ago to this very day that my husband lay in the psychiatric ward for his tenth brief hospitalization in three years while I lay in the ICU of the neuro-trauma ward with a spontaneously bleeding brain, realizing finally that my husband's illness could end up killing me. Chapter 1 - A Love Story In 1989, I met a tall, handsome young man who loved baseball, food, cats and computers, and I came to know John as an intelligent, creative, sensitive guy who enjoyed life's simple pleasures with an infectious sense of fun. I responded to his sincerity, his loving nature and his protective devotion to me. And I laughed more than I had in years. When we married two years later my joy was unqualified. Chapter 2 - Alien Possession John occasionally behaved in ways that warned of the coming trouble. He once abruptly stormed out of a restaurant, leaving me baffled and embarrassed, only to offer up a remorseful apology, with little explanation, the next morning. His impatience with everyday annoyances - small frustrations like burnt toast, line-ups or noisy neighbours - was legendary. Although very popular for his charismatic charm, wit, fondness for corny puns and life-of-the-party vitality, he had also earned the nickname 'Mr. Petulant.' A minor disagreement could cause him to bolt from the house in anger and not return for hours. I romanticized John's unpredictability and moodiness as the expression of a wonderfully spontaneous and passionate heart. John was sometimes hypersensitive, which made normal conversation impossible. He could misinterpret an innocuous comment as a veiled insult and react with uncharacteristic verbal viciousness. He could also become inconsolably sad and negative in his thinking, so that it was often difficult to follow his reasoning which, at times, appeared oddly flawed. I became intimately familiar with that ongoing anxiety family members describe as 'walking on eggshells.' Sometimes, however, John was easygoing and again content with his life. At other times, his happiness would brim over with exaggerated optimism and self-importance. His productivity would soar, impressing his colleagues. He would stay up very late, night after night, and become irritable, often explosive, during the day. Without forethought or hesitation, he would indulge increasingly hedonistic impulses to spend, play and party, and he would not be deterred by anything or anyone, including me. After a few weeks, John would inevitably 'crash' into deep sadness, guilt and dangerous self-loathing. Isolating himself, feeling numb, he would fall further into paralyzing depression and suicidal despair. Each transformation of mood, 'up' or 'down,' was total. It was as if I had married not one man, but several, each possessing dramatically different ways of viewing the world and acting within it, and one of whom apparently felt little connection to me! For weeks at a time, I watched helplessly as the person I had married disappeared from view beneath giant waves of moods and emotion from which I feared he might never resurface. One night he fell on his knees, sobbing, 'There is something seriously wrong with me and I don't know what it is! I feel like a tree without roots, bending whichever way the wind blows!' He agonized over the hurt he caused me each time he ran away. One evening he arrived home with a special teddy bear that remotely resembled him, to remind me when he ran away that he would always, eventually, return to his senses, to his right emotions and to me. He pleaded with me to do whatever I could, even to hit him over the head if I must, to keep him at home the next time he wanted to run. At other times, his warmer emotions would freeze over and he would admit to feeling nothing at all for anybody. I had an eerie feeling at those times, as if a cold, invisible Star Trek alien had taken over my loyal and loving husband's body. During one of these early manic episodes, John took our car, rented an apartment close to his new employer and enthusiastically filled it with new furniture, toys and friends. I found my own tiny apartment, not far from his, which I filled with my sorrow, confusion and anger. Three months later, by Christmas, he was sick with remorse and terrified by his inability to explain or even understand what he had done. I watched with awe as the 'alien' gradually departed and John again became the sweet, devoted man I had known. I endured two repetitions of this bizarre 'alien possession,' followed by two more Labour Day separations and reconciliations in the New Year. Early on, we looked for a solution from a psychiatrist in private practice, who was so unconcerned about our presumed marital issues that he routinely fell asleep during our sessions. We then approached a psychologist who thought that the problem must stem from unresolved issues from John's childhood. After John frequently stormed out of these joint therapy sessions, she advised me to give up on the relationship, condescendingly advising me that John was not as 'evolved' as I was. Later, we sought answers from two social workers who were married to each other and practiced joint marital therapy. They were certain that unrecognized problems in our relationship must be at the root of it all, but neither John nor I was able to accept their overriding assumption that our age difference must be at the root of all our problems. Still later, after John started having suicidal thoughts and impulses, he chose a third psychologist for her higher public profile and work with local media. Although John was now desperate for help and frightened by his impulses, she minimized the urgency and severity of his problem by insisting that he simply needed to develop better skills for coping with stress. It was at this time that I began urging John to get a psychiatric assessment, for I had begun to see the patterns of his mood changes and suspected that he had bipolar disorder. He would not. When I begged the psychologist to use her influence to encourage John to get a psychiatric assessment while continuing psychotherapy with her, even if only to rule out the presence of bipolar disorder, she flatly refused and indignantly accused me of being unsupportive of John's treatment. I then would not agree to continue to participate in any joint sessions because I recognized that the Star Trek alien once again had John in its control, that his grasp of reality had become significantly impaired and that, as I had learned in the past, this alien was incapable of authentic engagement in any honest, productive human or therapeutic relationship. I bore the blame the psychologist then heaped upon me for 'trying to control the process.' She vehemently insisted that I was making a big mistake, adding that she 'didn't know anything about this bipolar thing anyway.' Over the ensuing month, John steadily became more and more manic and stopped seeing her. Over the next several years, numerous doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists failed utterly to recognize John's bipolar disorder, even when he was psychotic with loss of judgment and insight, and even when his life was in danger. My objections to their expedient assessments and arrogant disregard of my perceptions drew their suspicion and resentment. Their insensitive and frequently abusive responses to me left me demoralized, frequently in shock, always angry, and still without any help. When John was becoming ill, he could charmingly manipulate anyone with plausible explanations for his behaviour and by blaming other people and circumstances. Calmly credible, removed from reality's glare behind the supremely confident veil of hypomania, he could appear poised and rational for short periods. Doctors were then surprisingly quick to shift a critical focus onto me for insisting there was illness where they could see none. The next time John encountered a mental health professional followed the first time he tried to kill himself. John had parked his car in the shadows behind our neighbourhood church one gentle early autumn evening and had taken twenty times the dosage of medicine he had been prescribed for a different medical condition. A short time later, regaining his will to live, he stumbled home and confessed what he had done. In that one moment, my life changed forever. I rushed him to emergency and waited until he returned from talking alone for just five minutes with a psychiatrist who took no history beyond the past several weeks, and provided a superficial diagnosis of depression and the name of a general practitioner therapist for follow-up. By the time my husband arrived at the GP therapist's office just days later, he was feeling quite fine, couldn't really remember why he had wanted to kill himself, and was certain that he would never do it again. After three meetings, the therapist announced to John with self-satisfied pleasure that there was 'nothing really wrong' with him and that he was probably 'some kind of genius' for having done so well, given the extraordinary stress of his childhood. With amicable warmth, he dismissed John with the well-meaning but unhelpful advice to 'just not think about it anymore and get on with life.' John's mood swings became more intense, frequent and more clearly episodic, yet he did not receive a correct diagnosis despite regular contact with various mental health professionals. Each morning I would awake wondering which husband I would have that day. Would this day bring a disturbing discovery or event - such as a large, unexplained withdrawal from our bank account, a hole punched in a wall, a desperate call to my office from the subway where he might be standing, ready to jump on the tracks, or a silent, sleepless night waiting for a husband who wouldn't come home till dawn? I would hope that it might be a normal day, although I was beginning to forget what normal was. At all times, I felt a spreading, parasitic fear as if it were burrowing into my flesh and bones. In addition to the daily uncertainty about my husband's state of mind, safety, and mercurial attitude toward me, there were many desperate arguments with my family members, who had given up all hope that I could ever count upon John as a husband. At times, they also feared for my health and safety. There were different arguments with his family members, who found it easier to believe that I must be the cause of all of his troubles than to dare consider that their son had a 'shameful,' frightening mental illness. I tried to educate everyone in our lives about bipolar disorder so that they could forgive John and support us. I pleaded with them to trust me while I also tried to shield them, mostly unsuccessfully, from the recurrent trauma that was beginning to dominate my life. Friends who wanted to support me came to suspect over time that I was blinded by love and deluding myself that John was 'sick,' when they had concluded, despite abundant evidence of his goodness, that he must possess an immature, weak or at least deeply flawed character. When I insisted that his illness was obscuring their view of the real person and that I loved him too much to abandon him to this malignant force that would surely kill him, all but the most loyal friend, including those I had known for twenty-five years, depleted of empathy for this tragic 'fool for love,' stopped returning my calls. My loneliness intensified as my circle of friends and supportive family members grew smaller and smaller, to the point where, but for one brave heart, there was none. Family members learn to detect the very earliest signs of an impending hypomania, such as fantasizing about big purchases, or a slight rise in impatience, irritability, vanity, optimism, self-importance or even sexual desire, all of which fall well within the range of normal behaviour and would be of no concern to most people. In our lives, however, such small changes could signify the coming of big problems. The dominant expression of John's psychosis was a loss of insight that was imperceptible to those who did not know him very well, and sometimes, even to the very few who did. John's behaviour was never bizarre, just uncharacteristic, and could credibly be explained away by stress, life events, or other environmental or psychological factors. Consequently, there were many battles with emergency room residents and ward psychiatrists who did not yet have confidence in my now highly evolved 'radar' on John's mental states, leaving us without help until his life was again in imminent danger. These were the most potentially lethal times, during the unpredictable, so-called 'mixed' states (dysphoric mania), when he would experience the suicidal thrust of severe depression empowered by the determined, indefatigable energy and creative cunning that characterize mania. One rainy spring evening, weeks after we had moved into our first new home, John ran from the house and my frantic pleas and led the police on a high-speed car chase that ended only after the officers let him speed away to prevent a tragic accident on the slippery roads. For hours, I drove around in the black rain, rigid with fear, peering into the shadows of industrial parks, roadside ditches and yes, neighbourhood churches, nearly hysterical with the fear that he was already dead. At 5:00 a.m., I received a call from the police who had found John many miles away in his locked car in a deserted parking lot, unconscious and close to death. My hope soared again! I was elated that he was actually alive and that the hospital would take over and keep him safe, at least for a while. Surely now, I thought, someone will help us. Shortly after I arrived at the hospital, a social worker with whom John had been sharing his rage and paranoid convictions, which always centred upon me, approached me with a hostile air. Apparently unaware that psychotic delusions often focus upon close family members, with self-righteous fury she fairly spat out at me, 'There is nothing wrong with this young man. He just wants to leave. Don't you think it's time you let him go?!' John was soon discharged, still psychotic, just a few hours after the police and doctors had wrenched him back from his certain death. I drove the two of us home while he cursed and raged at the world and me, and loudly planned his escape from both. A week or so later, John began 'crashing' from mania into depression. Regaining his insight and traumatized again by what he had done, he agreed to seek help again. We both consulted a social worker recommended by the lawyer we had retained to defend John against criminal driving charges levied by the police who had chased him that terrible June night. The social worker discouraged John from having a psychiatric examination, as she was certain that psychiatrists would again simply diagnose depression, this time brought about by our move to a new community. She recommended that John get a prescription for an antidepressant, that I get another for an anti-anxiety drug, and that we just continue to work on our marriage under her guidance. John's GP subsequently prescribed an antidepressant, which we realize only in retrospect continued to propel him into an even more lethal and intractable manic episode. On the basis of the rainy night episode and five years worth of documented history of John's extreme moods and actions, a third psychiatrist finally diagnosed him with bipolar disorder - specifically with a brittle 'rapid cycling' type including frequent mood swings and mixed states of simultaneous depression and mania. Although grateful for his diagnostic skill, we soon discovered he had no similar talent for treatment. This psychiatrist to whom we were so grateful for having the wisdom, skill and insight to diagnose John properly conducted no follow-up to determine adequate blood levels of lithium, leaving John the victim of the steadily escalating mania. Within two weeks of being diagnosed, John took our car, ran away, signed the lease on a luxury condo well beyond his means and stopped talking to me. I raced to close bank accounts and cancel credit cards, but not fast enough. John blew through $30,000 in one month. While he was partying with yet more sudden new friends met during drinking binges in bars, while pursuing a fast-paced, glamorous life as an urban bachelor, I was tearfully escorting an eager real-estate agent through our beautiful new home, amidst the still lingering scent of fresh paint and new carpets. During the sale of the house, following a sadly prescient intuition when John wouldn't answer his phone, I urged the police to break into his condo. Once again, they found him unconscious, overdosed on his medication and with dangerously weak vital signs. The hospital, from which he later escaped with the IV-line still snarling from his arm, issued a form legally requiring the police to take him to the nearest psychiatric facility. Twice John was stopped by police officers whom he convinced he was 'just fine' and that it was his wife who 'was crazy,' and twice they failed to do what the law requires of them, unknowingly leaving my husband in mortal danger. As this manic cycle ran its course and John regained his insight and his gentle self, after much searching, in 1997 we found a different psychiatrist who, rather than ignoring, blaming or fighting with me, welcomed my involvement. He committed himself to John's case, was not prepared to accept just 'good enough' treatment results and would not give up. Over a period of two years, John's psychiatrist encouraged us when we were losing hope in John ever achieving stability, and we supported him when he began to doubt. The three of us became a team, and seven years later, the team is intact. Throughout two years of this unforgiving trial-and-error drug treatment, mistakes were potentially deadly. Seasons were punctuated by hospitalizations, during which I looked after my husband on the thinly staffed ward when the overworked nurses could not. I couldn't sleep, had nightmares regularly and was becoming more and more frightened, hopeless and lost. I couldn't concentrate. I abandoned my part-time graduate studies and took lengthy sick leaves from work just to be able to function at a minimal level. My anxiety and fears were overwhelming. I no longer remembered who I was or what my life was about. I couldn't bear to contemplate the future. Having burned out my closest friends and family members, I reached out for help for me from the community. I joined an online support group and, somewhat unaware of community mental health services, called the Canadian Mental Health Association and received information about resources and sources of personal support. I joined the Family Members Only group at the Mood Disorders Association of Ontario, where I finally found people who were ready to listen, who completely understood what I was going through and could actually educate and support me! It was entirely because of the deep empathy, collective wisdom, generosity and strength of spirit from the people in these groups that I was able to carry on with the fight for John's recovery and contribute effectively to his treatment. I am certain that without the benefit of their experience, understanding and personal support, neither I, nor John, would have the health and happiness we have today. Chapter 3 - Recovery and Renewal The very last time John was mentally ill was after two years of complying fully with aggressive but unsuccessful treatment with multiple drug combinations. Approaching this last hospitalization in 1999, the psychiatrist on call danced John back out the door of the emergency department again, releasing him not long after the police had escorted him there, executing a Form 2 upon which I had sworn, before a Justice of the Peace, that my husband posed a danger to himself. As the young doctor on call walked brusquely away, refusing to speak to me, my frustration with the system that had seemed to work begrudgingly with us, and frequently against us, rose up to suffocate me. A terrible pain battered my chest like a cyclone. I soon found myself in the emergency room in the iron grip of a full-blown anxiety attack, but it wasn't until my swelling skull began to feel like a grenade about to explode, and I vomited and passed out, that anyone took much notice of me. One panicky brain scan later, I was rushed by ambulance under police escort to a different hospital where I was told that an artery had erupted, the lining of my brain was filling with blood, and that at any moment, I could become paralyzed or die. Feeling extremely tired and oddly submissive to my fate, I whispered the little prayer that I had uttered a thousand times in recent years when my best efforts seemed to be inadequate or wrong - when I no longer even knew what to pray for - 'Thy will be done.' Despite very poor odds against full recovery or even survival from a severe subarachnoid hemorrhage, I did survive, although I was finally convinced that if I stayed, my husband's illness would end up killing me too. His psychiatrist called me in my hospital bed to plead with me not to give up, believing that with another minor adjustment to John's medication, continuing support from me and maintaining small lifestyle adjustments, he could maintain stability. He was right. Within weeks, the dangerous moods that had stalked and tormented John for more than a decade had stopped. The aggressive and impulsive behaviour disappeared. With a combination of drugs, psychotherapy and support from a now educated family, the illness seemingly vanished. John became again the husband in whom I had believed, and this husband came home to stay. We began our wonderful new life together that continues to this day and that will continue, we are certain, to the end of our days. In the two years following John's recovery, I was diagnosed alternatively with an anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and depression. With the aid of antidepressants, two kinds of psychotherapy, work in the mental health field with people who supported my personal commitment to family members of those with mental illness, becoming a family members' support group facilitator and, most importantly, with constant, loving support and encouragement from my husband, the bodily, emotional and spiritual wounds from our battles with mental illnesses, the mental health system and the professionals within it healed. With the recovery of my health came an unshakable sense of mission to help other family members - in particular, other partners - so that they and their loved one need not suffer as deeply, as long, or as alone as we did. There had been so much unnecessary trauma and suffering. With my first-hand knowledge of the precious benefits of self-help group support, and my veteran's status in the trench warfare that often comprises a family member's encounter with the mental health system, I knew that I could provide a supportive forum where people could learn from each other's experience and protect and strengthen each other, as only combat buddies can. I wanted to help diminish the stigma and prejudice that isolates, blames and punishes both the victims of mental illness and their family members. I wanted to help families learn that mental illness often does not look like, sound like, or act like we expect it to, or think it should, and that therefore their own perceptions of the loved one they know so well should be regarded with no less importance and respect than the doctors' impersonal, professional assessment. I created Help and Education for Loving Parters of Those with a Mental Illness (HELP) so that spouses and partners of those with mental illness could believe in the reality of recovery, even for those who have been very ill for a long time. In this safe forum, partners support and guide each other through the painful but predictable emotional stages and transitions so that they can maintain their own health. I wanted HELP to recreate the irreplaceable benefits that I had received from community mental health agencies and family-based self-help groups, which are too few in number to support all those who need them and have a right to them. I wanted to help educate and empower partners to embrace their necessary, critical role as a member of their loved one's treatment team and to demand good treatment from only those mental health practitioners who extend respect to all persons at all times, and who understand the enormous, singular contribution that informed, supported family members can make to the success of treatment and the maintenance of recovery. Through HELP, partners and spouses learn that recovery is a process and an unending journey that partners and families travel together. They learn to prepare for the work involved, to equip themselves with all that they will need in order to get where they want to go, and they learn that no one need make that difficult, often harrowing journey alone. The new provincial government, preparing to release its first budget, has been pre-occupied with the economic deficit. CMHA, Ontario, in its recently submitted pre-budget consultation paper, redirects the government's attention to the deficit of hope among those with mental illness and their families, the net effect of lack of funding, lack of training and lack of enlightened political will. When unsupported and underserved, family members are left isolated and bereft of hope. The loss of that fragile and precious commodity depletes their ability to help their loved one or themselves and harms their own health. I created HELP to fight that deficit of hope, by collectively making our small deposits, meeting by meeting, drawing upon the uniquely human power of love, self-help and the sharing of our own stories that beats as its strong, hopeful heart.

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Simon

Wow,

Wonderful stories of courage and hope from those families.

One of my favorite passages belongs to Dr E. Fuller Torrey:

He is the brother of a sister with treatment resistent schizophrenia and the author of one of the most helpful books for families and those who live with schizophrenia.

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Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

About Mental Illness in Canada Mental illness affects more than six million - or one in five - Canadians. Of the 10 leading causes of disability worldwide, five are mental disorders. Close to 4,000 Canadians commit suicide each year and it is the most common cause of death for people aged 15 - 24. By 2020 it is estimated that depressive illnesses will become the leading cause of disease burden in developed countries like Canada. Many Canadians do not recognize that they are ill while others don't seek help because of misconceptions about these diseases. Taking the time to learn about mental illness could make all the difference to you or to someone you care about. It's important to watch for warning signs of mental illness - and to seek medical advice as soon as possible if any become apparent. Symptoms include: • Marked personality change • Inability to cope with problems and daily activities • Strange ideas or delusions • Excessive anxiety • Prolonged feelings of sadness • Marked changes in eating or sleeping patterns • Thinking or talking about suicide • Extreme highs and lows • Abuse of alcohol or drugs • Excessive anger, hostility • Violent behaviour • Irrational fears Partners, Sponsors and Supporters - Get involved! As a grassroots campaign, Mental Illness Awareness Week's success depends on your energy and ideas. There are a number of ways to get involved: • Organize an event in your community - We can provide you with resources to help plan, execute and evaluate a successful event. • Participate in an event - A number of exciting events will be taking place across the country. Let us help you find the one nearest you. • Become a sponsor - Mental Illness Awareness Week could not happen without the support we receive from our sponsors. Learn about the various levels of sponsorship designed to provide value and profile, whatever your chosen level of commitment. • Attend the Champions of Mental Health Awards luncheon in Ottawa - Learn more about the Awards, nominate a Champion - or buy a ticket! • Distribute promotional materials - Help get the word out by distributing posters, bookmarks and more in your community. • Educate politicians and decision-makers - Effective letters can make a significant contribution to efforts aimed at helping Canadians living with mental illness. Use our resources to support your points - and our database of federal and provincial health ministers to obtain contact information. From the website of: Canadian Alliance on Mental Illness and Mental Health (CAMIMH)

From: Simon Subject: Surveillance and Spying Date: September 20, 2005 08:26:02 EDT (CA) To: Canadian Alliance on Mental Illness and Mental Health <miaw@gpc.ca> Sir/Madame: I have learned that paranoid schizophrenia is the most common type of schizophrenia, and that the prevalent theme of paranoid schizophrenia is "surveillance and spying". Before the crisis due to my wife's unilateral separation, my understanding of schizophrenia was that the patient experiences a total breakdown of mental capacity in which he/she cannot function properly at all. As such, I had never made any link whatsoever between spying and paranoid schizophrenia. I know now that paranoid schizophrenia can be hidden in any otherwise completely normal people, but a catastrophe/disaster/fiasco/tragedy is waiting to happen suddenly... Thus, I would like to propose a slogan for a public education campaign: • Suspicion of being spied on is a first sign of Schizophrenia! • Suspicion of being spied on is a sign of Mental Illness! Please consider adding "Suspicion of being spied on" to your list of symptoms for mental illness, as follows, so that other people would not have to wait 12 years before realising that their loved ones have mental illness. • Marked personality change • Inability to cope with problems and daily activities • Strange ideas or delusions • Excessive anxiety • Prolonged feelings of sadness • Marked changes in eating or sleeping patterns • Thinking or talking about suicide • Extreme highs and lows • Abuse of alcohol or drugs • Excessive anger, hostility • Violent behaviour • Irrational fears • Suspicion of being spied on <----- NEW! NEW! NEW! Thank you very much for your attention. Merci de votre attention. Bien à vous. Simon

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Simon

Boy, Simon, you sure know how to get things done. I like your idea of adding the spying symptom. It does say delusions but most people don't know what the heck that means so yours is a much better description.

Oscar, you mentioned that your wife is now acusing you of hitting your child. Is there a law against false accusations? I'm not one to advocate getting involved in the criminal justice system but if that is all that is at your disposal then you are forced to use it. What a difficult situation this must be for you and your children.

Hugs

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

There must be a law against false accusations. However at this point in time, as far as I know, she only voices these accusation to me and may be her close family.

The only thing that matter to me now are my kids, my direct family and my close friends. They all know that I am not this type of person.

This being said, her accusations do not hurt me...she is sick. In fact, since she can not prove anything and my oldest son will not support her says this can only help me prove she has a problem.

It s not easy, I don't like it but there is now way that I can avoid it. I need to be carefull with any move I make to make certain then when I do something the game plan is set and faultless.

At this point in time I don't like my life the way it is (please dont read anything into this statement) and I need to fix it. However I need to do it in a mature and responsible way.

Thank you for your support. It really help.

I had a meeting with the director of L'Apogée (Association pour parents et amis de la personne ayant un problème de santé mentale). Although she is new to the post, she is intimately familiar with mental illness and schizophrenia. She greatly appreciated the difficulty in getting professional help for my wife if she continues to refuse, and sympathised with my feeling alone because of my in-laws's stigma. We did some strategising, and she gave me the French-only website of Fédération des Familles et Amis de la Personne Atteinte de Maladie Mentale (FFAPAMM), which is a Québec-equivalent of NAMI.

Despite all the advice given in schizophrenia manuals, I am at a loss as to how not to use logic in dealing with my wife's delusions which are so real to her. The counsellors think that it should be possible for me to master such technique through courses, etc. However, something so easy for most people may be impossibly hard for the others, and I cannot reach my wife's heart since she is completely closed to everybody. I could master Quantum Mechanics and Special Theory of Relativity, but not illogical human behaviour.

The kids are swamped with doubling of chores at 2 households. Last Saturday, I had an argument with my son (16), who had been most understanding and helpful in trying to cope with the separation. I became argumentative when he pointed out that there may have been other reasons for my wife's departure than paranoid delusions. He also disclosed that he had thought of running away and of committing suicide over the separation of the parents. Last Monday, I had an argument with my daughter (14) when she refused my generous offer to drive her to her course.

After cooling down, we were all under control, but it is so scary to realise what excessive stress does. My anti-depressant "happy pills" (Citalopram (SSRI) and Trazodone (SARI)) had run out. They are quite expensive, and I have no private medical insurance because my wife had all the insurances...

_________________

Simon

Simon

Please don't forget your daughter (and your son not quite an adult yet) is a teenager with all what it means. Teenagers are notorious for some of their weird reaction like the one your daughter had. It is not easy for you and not for them either. I know you already know this but sometimes when we are too close to it we tend to forget.

Your pills are not covered by the provincial drug plant?

Simon,

This may not seem like it's possible to you at this time, but....it will get better. Even if your situation does not turn out the way you would like it to, you will have more peace in your life. You also have to work hard at making life your better though. It's not fair....I know.

My brothers wife left him with two daughters because she was having a relationship with another married man. My brother did not have a clue as to why his wife needed to have time alone to think about their marriage...until 6 mths later when he caught them together. Those 6mths were the worst 6 mths of his life but when he realized what was going on he started to get on with his life too. He has been with his second wife for ten years now and they sure do seem to be happy to me.

I know your circumstances are different and I'm not trying to tell you to get a new wife, just showing an example of how life works when we think it's all over.

Stress from this illness pulls families in many different directions. Try to make things as stress free as possible for your kids. Do fun things together. At least your son is talking to you about how he feels and he has a professional to help him through this. Is his psychologist helpful for him?

I did get a good deal of my daughters anger directed towards me. It was not pleasent and it took a long time but we got through it. She lost both her brother and her father to mental illness (simultaneously). I was greatful that there were a few other families that she could get some nurturing and rest from. It helped her to not always have to be with me and think about her pain. It's very hard on adolescents. The hardest part for them is that their friends just don't understand unless they have been through it too. None of my daughters friends were even divorced so it was even more difficult for them to relate to her. She depended on me to listen to her and talk to her about the more difficult things. It's so hard on us too, Simon.

As hard as it seems you will master the art of coping with mental illness. I agree with you, Simon, it's the hardest thing to do because it goes against our natural way of responding and communicating with those we love. I found that when I did not know what to say, it was best to say nothing. You cannot rationalize with irrational thinking. If someone developed a stroke and could no longer talk it would be very akward for us but eventually we would adapt and find ways to work with it. Unfortunately some of us would just not communicate with the person because we could not move beyond the discomfort. You will find your way through this...the rest of us did.

I'm sure you know this but I feel the need to remind you to not stop your medication without tappering off slowly, Simon. Can you opt into a health insurance through your work? Your doctor may have samples she/he can give you. In Ontario we have a Trillium Fund which you can apply to and get your medications at a low price. Ask your pharamacist if you have such a program. I wish my Wellbutrin was a "happy pill" but it just makes it possible to work and do life without worrying so much.

Hugs

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Indigo Blue There must be a law against false accusations. However at this point in time, as far as I know, she only voices these accusation to me and may be her close family. The only thing that matter to me now are my kids, my direct family and my close friends. They all know that I am not this type of person. This being said, her accusations do not hurt me...she is sick. In fact, since she can not prove anything and my oldest son will not support her says this can only help me prove she has a problem. It s not easy, I don't like it but there is now way that I can avoid it. I need to be carefull with any move I make to make certain then when I do something the game plan is set and faultless. At this point in time I don't like my life the way it is (please dont read anything into this statement) and I need to fix it. However I need to do it in a mature and responsible way. Thank you for your support. It really help.

Oscar, do you have access to a crisis worker? We have a crisis worker in our chapter office (we just hired an additional one)to help families through the situations that you and Simon are dealing with. These workers have made big differences in the lives of families.

I do agree with needing to be sure of the moves you make so that they are helpful. There is no guarantee that things will work out how we expect them too. That is for sure. The criminal justice system gives us an opportunity at justice but justice is served a samll percentage of the time. The justice system is not a definite path to justice.

Hugs

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Indigo blue

What does a crisis worker do?

I spoke with so many people (lawyers, psychologist even a support group in Montreal) and they all came up with the same thing. They all tell me ''you are in the worst situation you could be in''; she has paranoid delirium with hallucination, she is not sick enough so that it becomes obvious and she is not physically dangereous, she surrounded herself with women support group (who I believe are trying to help her but not targetting the real problem), she is more then above average in intelligence. The only solution to this is to create a ''rapport de force'' to shake her up; a request for separation.

I fully agree with your comment about the judicial system....especially when you are a man, you have kids and your wife convincingly present herself as a victim. This is why this has to be well planned.

Now, if you know where I can get in touch with a good crisis worker (french or english) I would appreciate you pass me on the info i.e. phone number.

Regards

What does a crisis worker do?

I spoke with so many people (lawyers, psychologist even a support group in Montreal) and they all came up with the same thing. They all tell me ''you are in the worst situation you could be in''; she has paranoid delirium with hallucination, she is not sick enough so that it becomes obvious and she is not physically dangereous, she surrounded herself with women support group (who I believe are trying to help her but not targetting the real problem), she is more then above average in intelligence. The only solution to this is to create a ''rapport de force'' to shake her up; a request for separation.

I fully agree with your comment about the judicial system....especially when you are a man, you have kids and your wife convincingly present herself as a victim. This is why this has to be well planned.

I will try calling the society to see if they can help. Thanks for the tip I did not notice they offer this service since I usually jump right to the board.

Regards

Oscar,

Unfortunately this may not be offered in all regions. Hopefully in the future it will be. It is worth asking about just in case. This organization (Schizophrenia Society) is not well funded so we have two part-time crisis workers. The majority of our funding comes from membership so please become a member for only $35.00/yr.

The difference between what a psychologist provides and what our crisis worker provides is fairly large. This worker offers short term supportive counselling. She will visit your home if needed. The crisis worker helps you develop a plan and can assist you with navigating the mental health system. She also has extensive experience in working with family members of someone who has a mental illness. A psychologist offers psychological assessments and therapy/treatment. They may not have any experience in working with families of those with a mental illness.

I talked with our cisis worker in hopes that she may know of someone in the Quebec region to refer you to. Unfortunately she does not. She only works within our city. I am sending you an e-mail with her suggestions.

Hugs

Judy

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Indigo Blue

Thank you for the PM.

I heard you about membership. Beleive me, once things are back in order I will support. Right I need all the money I earn. I stretched myself to far thinking that my wife would come back to normal...what a bad assumption and what a bad decision.

Oh, we learn through experience I guess.

Sorry for the three suimilar messages of yesterday. I tried to edit my first message and it was posted three times. Don't know why. I must have done something wrong.

Simon

I gonna be meeting the FFAPAMM local office next week. Did you find the strategy they proposed to you usefull?

We have not heard anything from you since wednesday which is not your habitude; are you OK?

regards

I gonna be meeting the FFAPAMM local office next week. Did you find the strategy they proposed to you usefull?

According to the director of L'Apogée, many families have experienced the sudden nature of mental illness. At the meeting, it was more like I proposed the strategy and she kind of endorsed it.

1. try the legal action for psychiatric evaluation; 2. discuss with the psychiatrist at my appointment for depression; 3. suggest to my wife's former friends to contact her; and 4. cope with the loss of a very happy family to mental illness at L'Apogée family meetings.

"Dear Abby" column advises (2005-09-22): "Don't waste it dewlling on something that can't be changed." Well, Oscar, JD and I (and many others no doubt) are trying to reverse each situation caused by mental illness, instead of conceding defeat, aren't we?

Last night, I was in constant contact with my lawyer via telephone and E-mail until well after midnight to finalise the text, and I went to the Palais de Justice early this morning.

My lawyer has written up an absolutely superb Requête. However, her modus operandi of waiting until the very last minute has been driving me nuts. Anyway, I paid the court fee of $106 CAD, and the Cour du Québec judge is supposed to make a decision in early October.

_________________

Simon

Good to see your fine

Good luck with your request

Merci pour le website, la ffapamm a l'air d'avoir un peu plus de nerf, au moins ils ne disent pas d'abandonner la personne malade, mais d'aller chercher de l'aide..tous les professionels, les paraprofessionels, et les pseudo-professionels se cachent derriere la loi.

Demain a l'assemblee annuelle de SSO, Dr.O'Reilly est invite. Sa causerie sera :Does Ontario need a preatment advocate ?. Il ecrit souvent sur le website: www.cfact.ca , ce sont quelques familles qui en ont assez des jeremiades du systeme

Simon,

I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. Any kind of major change in our families even without MI is difficult. You are doing the right things. It's a good idea to have her friends on board with this.

Hugs

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Indigo Blue Thank you for the PM. I heard you about membership. Beleive me, once things are back in order I will support. Right I need all the money I earn. I stretched myself to far thinking that my wife would come back to normal...what a bad assumption and what a bad decision. Oh, we learn through experience I guess.

Your welcome, Oscar.

I remember a time when I really could not afford the membership fee. It is my mantra now, for one, because it took me years to realize the importantce of the fee to the organization and two, it is the one donation I can give.

Something that I have started doing these days is, when I get a call or stopped on the street and asked for donations, I wish them the best with their fundraising but tell them that I give all of my time and donations in support of the Schizophrenia Society. It helps to raise awareness of the organization and it stops their further efforts to solicit me.

Many hands make light work so we need all of the help we can get.

Cheers

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Sad day,

I finally decided to act. This has been going on for long enough. I contacted my lawyer so that he can prepare a request for separation and to get my child custody. Based on what he told me and his review of the log book I have mainained over the last two years he feels he can get a judge to make a decision in 48 hours.

She loves her kids. I hope she will understand that she will have to get treated if she wants to keep more frequent access to them. Is in it depressing that you have to play hardball like this with someone you loved (or love??). I feel so sorry for my kids but at this point in time I am seeking not THE solution but the least dammaging one to protect them and their development. At this point in time I am convinced that this is the way to go if I want to be a responsible father and husband.

I cross my fingers thight.

Best of luck with the legal action, Oscar.

My wife's initial reason for the separation was that I was not making enough money, just in case she cracks at the office and loses her job. This was paranoid delusion because she had heard a voice at her office: "Why isn't her husband helping her?" With mortgage paid off a long time ago, we had no financial problems whatsoever in our family.

The surveillance and spying on her was increasingly dominating her life, and she felt that nobody was helping her to end it. I did my best to help her, such as writing a letter to her bosses all the way to the top because of my misconception that it was a harassment case at her office. I had no idea until 2005-05 that the surveillance and spying was due to mental illness.

In her Affidavit for child custody, my wife stated that her life became intolerable because I was such a controlling husband that she felt imprisoned. She thought that surveillance would end when she moved to an apartment, but according to the kids, it continues. Although I told her that it was surveillance that was imprisoning her, the kids are reporting that my wife interprets the legal action as my plot to keep sole custody of the children. My wife now thinks that everything I am doing is an attack on her.

She does not want to understand that absolutely nobody would profit from spying on her, and that there is no reason for me or anybody else around her to harm her. I am still at a loss for dealing with such illogical behaviour. Since I have lost all credibility with her, "I still love you!" no longer works.

At the end of film "Terminator 3", John Connor says: "Never stop fighting, and I never will."

_________________

Simon

Sad day, She loves her kids. I hope she will understand that she will have to get treated if she wants to keep more frequent access to them. Is in it depressing that you have to play hardball like this with someone you loved (or love??). I feel so sorry for my kids but at this point in time I am seeking not THE solution but the least dammaging one to protect them and their development. At this point in time I am convinced that this is the way to go if I want to be a responsible father and husband. I cross my fingers thight.

You are to be commended on your courage to take the least damaging route. Been there, done that and I also felt sorry for my kids. It truely is being put between a rock and a hard place.

Simon,

So sad!

I keep my fingers crossed for both of you!

Hugs

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

When I applied for a divorce, I could honestly say to my self, "I have tried everything, every idea, every avenue, every suggestion that came my way, and I can do no more nor take no more". If you can look in the mirror in the morning and say that, then there is nothing left to do.

Best wishes to you, Oscar.

_________________

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it" -- Helen Keller

I meet with FFAPAMM local office yesterday and they could not think about any other avenue then the one I have explored untill now.

I am puzzled. I consider myself as reasonnably self confident and having good decision making abilities. However, even with all the compelling evidence I have of her sickness, with support from educated people I still have to kill a little voice inside of me (a french expression) telling me that may be she is not sick and this is a big misunderstanding. Does anyone have experienced the same feeling?

I attended a conference "Aspect légaux entourant la personne atteinte d'une maladie mentale" Wednesday evening. The topic was very relevant to my case. The speaker explained that the Charter of Rights and Freedoms is the guiding principle of La Loi P-38 and Le Code Civil du Québec (Article 27). There were so many questions from the audience that the speaker did not even finish her slides after 2 hours.

The director of L'Apogée (Association pour parents et amis de la personne ayant un problème de santé mentale) was one of the organisers of the conference, and she was in attendance. Since I had met her the previous week, she understands my impossible situation, and sympatises with my unspeakable ordeal. With her encouragement, I made an appointment with the speaker next Tuesday.

My lawyer said that my wife's lawyer is contesting the Requête for a psychiatric evaluation. According to the speaker of the conference, it is the Tribunal administratif du Québec (TAQ) consisting of 3 persons (a lawyer, a social worker, a psychiatrist) that will hear the appeal.

I simply want my wife to have professional help for her mental health. With such a resistance from the person who does not consider herself to be sick, supported by stigma of her parents, there is no wonder why most people just give up. I am still following John Connor's advice because of my desire to restore a happy family, but I do not know how long I can last...

_________________

Simon

Good, l'Apogee's speaker was heard , the debate must have been lively ? Was the press in attendance ?. Of course Mentally ill persons have the same rights as every one, but they also have the right to treatment !!! In Quebec don't you have the Good Samaritan Act ? One poor woman has been roaming my area all Summer, she is not well, walks with arms extended, pretending to shoot other people,she pees and poos where our dogs do it, yet when we are caught not picking up after our dogs, we are told that next time we will be given a fine !! When she gets hit by a car, (she wanders down the middle of the street )we will be all responsible !!! Someone called the police once, they came, they asked her if she had any family, and also asked if they could take her to a safe place. She refused. They don't come anymore.

At the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario's Annual Meeting, one newspaper man (Scott Dunn) from the Owen Sound Times came to hear Dr.O'Reilly. Dr.O'Reilly has written about the Seven deadly sins of Mental Health Reform, he is with the University of Western Ontario, and is an ACCT team psychiatrist.

www.cfact.ca is the website of the Coalition for adequate care and treatment, they have printed quite a few of O'Reilly's papers .

Let us debate the Charter honestly and openly. What about the notwithstanding clauses ?

How many amendments to the US Constitution ?

Today, the kids came back from my wife's apartment for a week at the house, according to the judgement of the court in August that said 1 week there and 1 week here beginning every Friday at 17:00.

I am sort of happy to report that one puzzle has been solved. In my last post, I said that my wife regards everything I do as an attack on her. In Wednesday's conference, I learned that in the 1950's and 1960's (the Duplessis Era in Québec), mentally ill patients were institutionalised FOR LIFE. My wife is now ganging up with her parents to prepare for a DEFENCE. With her lawyer's advice, she saw a general practitioner today for a referral to a psychologist/psychiatrist. They are thinking that if the psychologist/psychiatrist clears her, it would give them a very good DEFENCE.

What she, her parents and her lawyer do not understand is that there is no OFFENCE whatsoever! All I have wanted from the very beginning of the family crisis is to give her professional help for her paranoid delusions that manifested in "surveillance and spying" for 12 years. So, if she sees a competent psychologist/psychiatrist and my wife does not lie about her delusions and hallucinations, the psychologist/psychiatrist should immediately identify what her condition is, and my wife would get proper psychiatric therapy and medical treatment with either typical or atypical anti-psychosis drugs in order to suppress her neurotransmitter dopamine level in her brain.

Article 27 of the Civil Code of Québec (and most probably laws in other provinces) says that the patient "be confined temporarily in a health or social services institution for a psychiatric assessment" for 24 hours. It is not FOR LIFE!

Although there is no guarantee at all about the outcome, if she realises what my intentions have been all along, my wife MIGHT come back to senses and resume a happy family because I am prepared to face the potentially long road to recovery with her. But again, the sky MIGHT fall (a gamma-ray burst)...

This surprising turn of events MIGHT lead to a light at the end of the tunnel, at least I would like to think so at this incredibly difficult period of my life. Please, please wish me luck for my quest to fight the stigma towards mental illness!!

_________________

Simon

Articles on mental illness win award The Ottawa Citizen October 1, 2005 Citizen senior writer Juliet O'Neill has been honoured with a special award from the Ottawa branch of the Canadian Mental Health Association. A series of Ms. O'Neill's articles that appeared in spring and early summer this year have helped reduce the stigma of mental illness, said Marion Wright, the association's executive director. In her research, Ms. O'Neill shadowed community support workers and spent time with mentally ill people. "She portrayed issues in a thoughtful and caring manner, and really assisted the public in seeing mental illness from a different lens," said Ms. Wright. The award for excellence in journalism was especially created for Ms. O'Neill, who was nominated by the Partnership Council of the Royal Ottawa Health Care Group, which consists of the CEOs of hospitals and community organization, people with psychiatric illnesses and their families. Ms. O'Neill said thanks are due to those who had the courage to open their lives to a reporter. "Their stories cast light on both the good and the bad in mental health policies and practices in our community. I also thank the doctors, nurses, case workers and administrators who are willing to open the doors of their institutions and organizations and to share their knowledge and passion, in hopes of showing that mental illness is just that -- an illness." Citizen city editor Rob Warner said Ms. O'Neill has done a magnificent job covering mental health care issues and has shown great sensitivity along the way. "A lot of people know her for her political reporting, but there is nothing she can't do. The feature stories she has done on the mentally ill and the people who treat them were superb. She's a pro's pro," he said. "It's not her first award and it won't be her last." © The Ottawa Citizen 2005

_________________

Simon

This is a huge step forward , your poor wife would not be actually lying but trying to put up a good front. A few years back, during such an assessment I was allowed into the room, the psychiatrist asked: Do you hear voices ? Of course the answer was "no". So I piped in : Why do you talk to the picture then ? and my family member answered : because the picture talks to me! By the way, in the 1950s and 60s they also had "les orphelins de Duplessis" Children born out of wedlock and confined to asylums (asyla ?) . No wonder your inlaws are protecting her.

The Charter of Rights is used by consumer-survivor groups and antipsychiatry groups, they forget that the Charter also guarantees the right to treatment !!

The Coalition for adequate treatment and care debates these stands.

www.cfact.ca

Again bonne chance

The Saturday Globe also covered the case. David's twin brother , his mother and many friends attended the trial. He will be held at the psychiatric facility in Brockville, most probably with the Ontario Review Board assessing him every six months ?

Joe Friesen's article is on the Canada section page A13 of the Globe and Mail Saturday edition.

So sad. :~{ My sincere condolescences to the family for their loss and suffering.

Here are examples of these stories that are written in the media with compassion and facts. Mental illness sometimes kills and its not sensationalization or fault of the media or fault of the person.

This man had depression with delusions. Similar to a woman having post partum depression with delusions. Another term would be psychotic depression.

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Man not criminally responsible in son's death Father was delusional when he drugged, strangled boy, 11, Ontario judge rules By Joe Friesen Saturday, October 1, 2005 Page A13 LONDON, ONT. -- David Carmichael, who drugged and strangled his child because he wrongly believed the boy had a serious brain disease, nodded his head in slow, solemn agreement yesterday as a judge ruled that he is not criminally responsible for the death of the 11-year-old.  Madam Justice Helen Rady of the Ontario Superior Court accepted the arguments of Crown and defence lawyers, who agreed that Mr. Carmichael was depressed and delusional at the time of the killing.  In her ruling, she described Mr. Carmichael as a father who was "deeply and darkly preoccupied," and who believed he had to kill his son, Ian, to put him out of his misery.  "There is not a shred of evidence of a venal motive," Judge Rady said, adding that Mr. Carmichael's beliefs were illogical, indefensible and clouded by depression, but that he believed he was killing his son out of love.  Mr. Carmichael will be held at a medium-security psychiatric facility in Brockville, about 110 kilometres south of Ottawa, pending a hearing before the Ontario Review Board. There is no minimum or maximum sentence in this case. The board will eventually decide when or if Mr. Carmichael can be returned to the community.  Mr. Carmichael, 47, wept silently as he heard a summary of his actions in the time leading up to the killing of his son on July 31, 2004.  Ian suffered epileptic seizures that were being controlled with medication. Mr. Carmichael came to believe that the seizures, and an MRI that showed minor abnormalities in Ian's brain, were proof of brain damage. They were not.  He became convinced that Ian, a boisterous, energetic child, was a threat to those around him. He worried that he might kill his older sister, and felt that Ian was in "a living hell," plagued by the taunts and mocking laughter of other children. So he concocted a plan to kill his son.  After doing Internet research on the definition of first- and second-degree murder, visiting the Correctional Service of Canada site and looking into HIV/AIDS in prison, Mr. Carmichael brought his son to London, with the promise of going dirt biking at a local track.  At around 10:30 on the night of July 30, Mr. Carmichael slipped the contents of several sleeping pills into a glass of orange juice for his son. But rather than having the intended effect, the mixture of sleeping pills and anti-seizure medication caused Ian to hallucinate. He stayed awake until 2:30 a.m.  Then, his father strangled him. Mr. Carmichael held Ian for 20 minutes to be sure he was dead. Six hours later, he called police. When they arrived, he had all the evidence, the sleeping pills, the orange juice, lined up for them on a coffee table. He told the 911 operator that his wife, Elizabeth, who was at home in Toronto with their daughter, Gillian, was going to be quite shocked.  Neither Mrs. Carmichael nor her daughter attended the trial, but several friends and family members, including Mr. Carmichael's mother and brother, were present for the verdict yesterday.  "I think we all are pleased that the court decided that David can be in a facility where he can get some help. Ian will be missed by David very, very much, as well as by his mother, and his sister, and the entire family," older brother Rick Carmichael said outside the courthouse.  "[Ian] was an incredible little guy," he continued, his voice choked with emotion, "and the pain of his loss is something that we'll have to deal with for the rest of our lives."  During the trial, Mr. Carmichael's twin brother, Jeff, testified to a family history of mental illness and described his own battle with depression a few years ago. It was he who suggested Mr. Carmichael should try Paxil, an anti-depressant.  Mr. Carmichael was prescribed Paxil in 2003, but stopped taking it for several months when his mood improved. He had worked as a physical fitness consultant, and is a former national director of ParticipAction, but was increasingly troubled by financial pressures.  In July, 2004, he began taking Paxil again without consulting a doctor, and increased his dosage. The drug didn't help.  Two psychiatrists, one for the defence and one for the Crown, testified that Mr. Carmichael was gripped by a severe depression. He imagined that Ian would stab his daughter in the back, and began to obsess about his son's imagined predisposition to violence. When his son broke down in tears as he admitted to throwing volleyballs at younger kids at a sports camp, Mr. Carmichael began to hatch his plan.  Judge Rady described Mr. Carmichael's delusional beliefs as the product of psychosis, a break with reality in layman's terms. In a taped interview with police shortly after his arrest, "he is flat, he is emotionless," she said.  Philip Campbell, Mr. Carmichael's lawyer, said the case is indicative of the cruelty of mental illness.  "If it could strike a man as fully and desperately as it did David Carmichael, an intelligent and creative and good man, then we have to understand that it is powerful and can affect any of us," he said.  Assistant Crown prosecutor Geoff Beasley said although the two sides agreed Mr. Carmichael should be found not criminally responsible, it was still necessary to hold a trial and allow a judge to decide Mr. Carmichael's fate.  "I would say that from the beginning we were both on the same page, but ultimately the trial process has to go to its conclusion before the trial judge," Mr. Beasley said.  "It's a tragedy. And that's not to be forgotten. Ian Carmichael, age 11, is dead, and his father is going to have to bear the burden of that for the rest of his life, as will his mother, his sister and all the members of his family," Mr. Beasley said. "But the outcome is an appropriate outcome given the evidence that was available to the court."

Father who killed son, 11, was 'devoted' but 'deluded' Judge rules man not criminally responsible due to mental illness Tara Brautigam The Canadian Press and Global National Saturday, October 01, 2005 LONDON, Ont. - By all accounts a loving father, David Carmichael instilled confidence in hundreds of young children before a crushing depression compelled him to drug and suffocate his own 11-year-old son after a night of video games and television. Mr. Carmichael was acquitted of first-degree murder yesterday in a case that his defence lawyer said highlights the severity of the often-misunderstood mental illness that possessed him when he killed his epileptic son, Ian, in this southwestern Ontario city last summer. "Ian will be missed by David very, very much, as well as by his mother and his sister," said Mr. Carmichael's older brother, Rick. Ian's mother did not attend the trial. "He was an incredible little guy," Rick Carmichael continued, his eyes swelling with tears. "The pain of his loss will be something that we'll have to deal with for the rest of our lives." Friends and family of Mr. Carmichael sat quietly in a packed courtroom as Ontario Superior Court Justice Helen Rady ruled he was not criminally responsible for the slaying on account of a mental disorder. "We will probably never fully understand the desperation that led David Carmichael to take (the life of) his little boy," said Judge Rady, noting the 47-year-old man's doting encouragement of Ian's passion for biking. "He was clearly a devoted and caring parent who looked for opportunities for his son to excel." Forensic psychiatrist Dr. John Bradford, of the Royal Ottawa Hospital, testified Mr. Carmichael was delusional and incapable of making rational decisions when he killed Ian. Mr. Carmichael, who once worked with the ParticipACTION program and for the Ontario Physical and Health Education Association, was severely depressed in the two weeks before the killing, Dr. Bradford said, adding he thought his son was partially brain dead and the murder was an act of altruism. The court heard the fitness expert believed that by killing his son he would spare his suffering, and protect his family from the boy's perceived aggression. Dr. Bradford said yesterday a lot of work will be needed to rehabilitate Mr. Carmichael but that he is a loving, devoted father. He said Mr. Carmichael is now conscious his actions were wrong, and has begun grieving the loss of his son. © The Ottawa Citizen 2005

This is yet another story about a relevant mental disorder. The mapping between the article and my situation is remarkable, as follows.

Article • Mr. Carmichael was delusional and incapable of making rational decisions when he killed Ian. Mr. Carmichael was severely depressed in the two weeks before the killing. He thought his son was partially brain dead and the murder was an act of altruism. • The fitness expert believed that by killing his son he would spare his suffering, and protect his family from the boy's perceived aggression. • Mr. Carmichael is now conscious his actions were wrong, and has begun grieving the loss of his son. My situation • My wife was delusional and incapable of making rational decisions when she separated from her husband. My wife was severely depressed in the two weeks before the separation. She thought her husband was partially useless and the separation was an act of altruism • The mathematics expert believed that by separating from her husband she would stop suffering from surveillance and spying, and protect herself from her husband's perceived attack. • My wife is now conscious her actions were wrong, and has begun grieving the loss of her happy family. <- NOT HAPPENED YET!

So, I continue my fight against stigma towards mental illness in this Mental Illness Awareness Week (2005-10-03 to 2005-10-10).

_________________

Simon

This is a huge step forward , your poor wife would not be actually lying but trying to put up a good front. A few years back, during such an assessment I was allowed into the room, the psychiatrist asked: Do you hear voices ? Of course the answer was "no". So I piped in : Why do you talk to the picture then ? and my family member answered : because the picture talks to me! By the way, in the 1950s and 60s they also had "les orphelins de Duplessis" Children born out of wedlock and confined to asylums (asyla ?) . No wonder your inlaws are protecting her. The Charter of Rights is used by consumer-survivor groups and antipsychiatry groups, they forget that the Charter also guarantees the right to treatment !!

Not quite, unfortunately. I was too naive :-(.

With the support from her parents who value their daughter's career and how my wife is perceived by the neighbours more than her mental health, my wife is contesting the motion for psychiatric assessment. My wife's seeing a "doctor" turned out to be my wife's lawyer's tactic to get a favourable opinion from a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. According to my lawyer, it means that there will be a full-blown trial with witnesses. Such is the incredibly enormous power of stigma towards mental illness!!!

Now, my optimism is all but gone, and I am stepping backward to square zero of my lonely quest...

_________________

Simon

Simon,

I commend you on trying to save your marriage in the most difficult of circumstances. Your wife is a very lucky woman.

I don't want to dash your hopes but it may be easier to assume that the chances of defeating delusions are lower than not. This may keep you from getting too disappointed if things don't work out the way you want them to.

Another reality of dealing with psychosis is that it is not a linear process...even at the best of times. There are advances, then there are setbacks. This is the nature of mental illness in general. Not that there are never improvements just that it takes time and is an individual process as well.

As Fluffy pointed out.... the history of mental illness treatment is brought to the forefront time and time again by those involved in the antipsychiatry movement. It is fear that we may be "locked away for life" by some unscrupoulous husband wanting a new wife or selfish relatives wanting the money. These things did occur in the past and I recall one nurse I worked with telling me that teenage girls were institutionalized with the mentally ill and mentally retarded (these two groups were both together at one point) for being pregnant.

Now we have a worse atrocity in that civil libertarion lawyers believe that my son when acutely psychotic and too disorganized to eat or think should be free to live on the streets and roam around this severely ill. I'm surprised these lawyers aren't going in and emptying the nursing homes or group homes for the mentally retarded so they can be set free to the streets. But of course as a society we would never hear of such a thing but with the mentally ill that are too sick to seek help themselves then this is considered freedom. It is the most twisted and bizzarre way that intelligent people can be so cruel in the name of justice. Locked away for life is a very unreal possibility because you can't even get the most sick people into hospital for short term treatment due to lack of beds and lawyers with a pengent for winning (freedom) at all costs.

So these antipsychiatry folks keep talking about the dark ages in psychiatry which is similar to the dark ages in medicine in general where we use to bleed people, take off limbs without anaesthetics etc., because we didn't know any better or have better tools and methods. Scare tactics which are much worse then the media reporting facts about suicide and homicide because these scare tactics cause public ignorance and misperceptions about mental illness and the needs of those who have them which results in keeping mental illness itself in the dark ages!

The suffering of untreated mental illness to the indiviual and families is far more severe than the suffering treatment causes. The pendullum is way out of balance as it stands and needs to be placed in the middle ground.

Simon, I hope that you don't end up just paying your lifes earnings in lawyers fees and causing suffering for your children too. Is there someone you can talk to who can give you the possible long term consequences of the outcome here? Is your lawyer able to do this for you?

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Is a CBC television show, now at episode 109.

It is about the Mental Health Court of Judge Ormston ( I may have spelt his name wrong ), in room 102 at Old City Hall in Toronto.

The website www.thisiswonderland.com says it is every Tuesday at 9, I watched it at 9 on a Wednesday ?. It is very educational, not only for the public at large but for lawyers, and Simon's lawyer should be encouraged to watch it. The website also has a Forum.

If Simon's lawyer asks his wife if the CIs and the RCMP are still spying on her, the Judge should be able to put two and two together very quickly.

The Ottawa Citizen Thursday, October 06, 2005 This is Mental Health Awareness Week and my frustration grows as I watch Canadians walk, run, golf and dance to raise millions of dollars for research into other illnesses, but largely ignore the plight of the millions of Canadians who are afflicted with a mental illness. Tragically, the "stigma" of mental illness persists even into the 21st century. It is not a comfortable topic of conversation for victims, their families or the public at large. As a result, millions of people suffer unimaginable despair in silence, fearful of the adverse personal consequences that public acknowledgment of their illnesses might bring. Under these conditions, of course, awareness remains low, understanding minimal, support mechanisms few, misconceptions rife and critical funding for research much too low. In Canada, while mental illnesses affect 20 per cent of the population, they receive only one per cent of total health-research funding. Despite the unwavering efforts of the medical profession, organizations such as the Canadian Psychiatric Research Foundation, and hundreds of heroic volunteers across the country, many stereotypical characterizations of mental illness and the mentally ill remain frustratingly intact. As a result, the mentally ill are not only disadvantaged by a lack of research funding, but also deprived of even the basic compassion, understanding and community resolve to assist them that are afforded, as they should be, to victims of other devastating physical illnesses. CPRF needs to raise $10 million to fund a long-term research program to find cures and better treatments for mental illnesses. Surely we can help the six million Canadians who are deprived of the dignity and respect afforded to those suffering from cancer or heart disease. The reality is that almost everyone who is reading these words knows someone who is suffering from a mental illness. It's time for all of us to have the courage to do something for them. Kevin McNeil, Chairman, Canadian Psychiatric Research Foundation, Toronto © The Ottawa Citizen 2005

_________________

Simon

Applause......whistles.......

What a beautiful letter!

Made me cry.

Cheers

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Thank you Simon for publishing this letter. I went to www.cprf.ca, and looked up their list of corporate donors, and contributors. Amazing !!!. (Bronfman, Tory, Tanenbaum, TD, etc..) I cannot open their Annual Report, but they would not have so many prestigious contributors if they mismanaged their funds. Transparency in such an organization is definitely to be applauded.

Fluffy,

Thanks for the link but it had a comma on the end so would not go:

http://www.cprf.ca

This one should take us there.

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Simon,

Please forgive my ignorance with the law you are dealing with in this case with your wife.

My concern is just simply that lawyers are the ones who created mental health laws and put them in place. Some who are not experienced with mental health law and mental illness may not know all of the outcomes possible or may have there own beliefs and misperceptions and not be able to provide the best for your needs.

Some with experience in mental health law will use whatever means possible to ensure your wife will not be assessed or treated against her will.

Just be sure that you know every possible outcome of what may happen and that the best interest of your children remains the priority in the decisions that are made.

My experiences with lawyers and my son have been mostly negative. I even had a bail officer once tell me that jail was no different than being in a psychiatric hospital. This is what she was taught in her educational training. I can assure you that a hospital is FAR better than jail and especially for those with mental illness. The divide between psychiatry and the law can be extremely harmful to families like ours. It is unbelievable at times.

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Simon

This may not be as bad as you think. I have inquire myself about the possibility that my wife resort to the testimony of a psychologist to get a clean bill of health. The response I got by a psychologist and by a lawyer are to the efect that their words have little weight in court. They are not recognized as having the expertise to diagnose mental illness. Moreover, since they will only meet your wife (not you or your children) they get only one verison of the story and their evaluation is biased.

This being said I am not naive, unless the judge refused to hear the psychologist, even if he refuses his evaluation to produce his judgement, I believe that a psychologist opinion may still have some influence.

That you have to go trough the trial process does not surprise me. In fact that is reinsuring. We have to be able to support or prove what we are advancing. Turn it the other way around and imagine your wife is going to court and ask for your psychiatric evaluation. You would like that the system ask her to demonstrate that she is not making up things.

The road may be more sinuous, lengthy and you may have to wheather a few more storms that you may have asked for, however the end result may be better for you at the end.

If you were successfull with your initial request you may have obtained an evaluation but what garantee, if she is diagnosed, that she will take her medication?

At least now, you may end up with some leverage if you are successfull.

Hold on things can only get better. You are most probably at the bottom of the mountain right now.

Hold on things can only get better. You are most probably at the bottom of the mountain right now.

Thank you, Oscar, for your encouragement. After the fiasco of psychologist versus psychiatrist, my bottom of the mountain is so low that I even have difficulty breathing due to anxiety, despite the anti-depressant pills. My appetite is very low, and my pulse rate is way up to 101 per minute...

I hope that your case will go well, Oscar.

While its good to understand how the voices and other symptoms affect your sister, try not to get too caught up in the meaning of them. Hallucinations are just that. They can be bizzare and out of touch with reality because the brain has chemical pathways that are all mixed up. They are very real to your sister though. The medication usually staightens out the pathways so that the symptoms are mostly gone or there at a tolerable level.

I know that my wife's paranoid delusions, delusions of persecution, delusions of reference and auditory hallucinations are very real to her. I made a great mistake in denying them at every opportunity because I had no idea that they were caused by mental illness.

Does the anti-psychosis medication (dopamine agonist/antagonist) suppress only the present and future delusions and hallucinations? If so, will my wife's past false beliefs be intact, or will she come to senses that her past beliefs were indeed bizarre and out of touch with reality?

_________________

Simon

Bonsoir Simon,

Your wife's lawyer knows the ropes, he must try his best to defend her ( she is his client ) , he may also want to delay the case so you get more and more nervous . What does your lawyer think ?

I posted the website of the Mental Health Court show, www.thisiswonderland.com. If you do not feel like watching the show, look at the website, judges, lawyers crown attorneys, are fully aware of mental illnesses, and manage some pretty good decisions most of the time.

Your wife's lawyer will use his expertise to try and show her as a well functioning individual, harassed, by a husband ? or other individuals ?. Your lawyer most probably expected his "friend" to do just that. How is he going to respond ? He must have a plan. This is a long weekend, please try and get some rest, you need to keep going. Again your wife's lawyer may be delaying the case, because he knows she does not have much chance to prove she is not delusional ?

Does your lawyer plan to ask her if the RCMP is still spying on her ? Hang on , and try and enjoy the good weather we seem to be having.

Fluffy

I hope that your case will go well, Oscar.

Thank you Simon. To be honest with you the waiting is killing me. I have no idea how things will turn out. Not to be excluded is the potential of following lawsuit from my wife. If she gets an honest lawyer she (he) will try to convince her of not proceeding any further. If this is not the case then the lawyer will have found a source of supplemental income for a while. Worst case scenario she gets on welfare and the state pays her lawyer fees. Then, I am in for a really rough ride.

Good morning to both of you,

Now I have thought all weekend, about the one whose blood pressure was bad, who is who ? in any case both of you worry too much, I was trying to tell both of you that the justice system, is better than the mental health system. Judges are by now familiar with Mental Health cases. The ploy of the psychologist versus the psychiatrist, could indicate to the Judege that the poor woman knows, she is ill.

in any case both of you worry too much,

I hope you are right.

Thank you

Thank you Simon. To be honest with you the waiting is killing me.

The waiting is killing me, too, Oscar. It is even worse that the court dates keep changing all the time. I feel that I really hit the lowest point of the bottom over the weekend.

Now I have thought all weekend, about the one whose blood pressure was bad, who is who ? in any case both of you worry too much, I was trying to tell both of you that the justice system, is better than the mental health system. Judges are by now familiar with Mental Health cases. The ploy of the psychologist versus the psychiatrist, could indicate to the Judege that the poor woman knows, she is ill.

Thank you so much for your assurance, fluffy. Last week, my lawyer gave me a lesson that a very slight uncertainty in my Affidavit will provoke the opposing lawyer to call me a liar and make me lose all credibility. I have seen similar situations on TV, but the thought that it would happen to myself, especially in a case where I am trying to help my wife (the opponent!), just made me traumatised.

I composed 2 letters to my wife, explaining why I am doing the court case, and urging her yet again to voluntarily see a psychiatrist, not a psychologist because she needs anti-psychosis (dopamine agonist/antagonist) which will suppress her delusions and auditory hallucination. I also said that once it is over, we can write a book together to help other people in similar situations. However, the letters are held up by my lawyer until it is a good time to be delivered.

_________________

Simon

Simon,

Thank goodness you have a lawyer who is on top of things. I have been traumatized by the justice system. No other words describe it better. My son's grandparents and other family members have also been traumatized by what my son had to go through.

If only I knew then what I know now....it would not have shocked me so much. I even had a police sargent ask me where my compassion was because I was trying to get my son in the hospital and he refused to help my son. Once he was hospitalized I was given a number of appolgies by that police department. That did not help much because the damage was done. My son was at great risk for his life at the time because of the extreme heat outside and his inability to eat or drink because of his disorganized thoughts and behaviour.

I have also had good experiences with police officers and there are many training programs and crisis intervention teams now, that are developed by police departments and they have a big impact on families coping with mental illness.

To answer your question about delusions; medication will either eliminate delusions or lessen them considerably but there is no sure way to eliminate relapses which would also mean the delusions will return. Most often they follow the same theme but sometimes there will be additions or changes.

Fingers crossed for you and Oscar!

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Another thought about relapses, Simon. Your wife has been able to function in her general day to day life so there is a strong possibility that if she receives treatment and becomes well enough, she may be able to distinguish her delusional thinking from reality if she starts to relapse.

Many people are able to become aware of their increasing symptoms and to adjust their treatment accordingly (increase their medication, go into hospital, see a therapist, change or add medications to optimize the least amount of symptoms). This is the goal of treatment. For people to be as independent as possible in caring for their own illness.

This is also a possible outcome.

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

What does the difference between the rate of admissions mean ?

Do we have more homeless mentally ill in Ontario ? Or does Quebec take longer to admit the mentally ill thereby lengthening the stays ? The more psychotic people are , the longer it takes to stabilize them..

Also surgery stays are much shorter than they ever were, so again what do these stats mean ?

The Health Ministers still try to cut beds further, and the unions will fight to keep beds open, as beds mean jobs...

My saga continues...

Last week, the kids had a court-appointed lawyer interview them to hear their preference of dividing the time between the 2 parents. It is very frustrating for me because the lawyer treats the case just like other separation/divorce cases, without any consideration for mental health issue and without knowing my goal of restoring a united family.

Ever since I turned from my wife's friend number 1 to enemy number 1, her desire for revenge against perceived persecution is so strong that she does not seem to realise how much her actions have caused the people around her to suffer, especially the kids who have to shuffle between 2 places, had to miss a period of school because of the appointment with the lawyer, etc. My 16-year old son has vomited many times due to the stress of the broken family, and he has difficulty breathing, too.

Today, I had an appointment with a psychiatrist for a psychiatric evaluation on myself. The doctor confirmed my severe depression, prescribed an increased dosage of anti-depressant (SSRI), and recommended that I would go and see a psychologist. He showed sympathy with my situation, but he made it clear that there is nothing he could do under the legal system with which he does not quite agree. He said that he cannot even invite my wife to the clinic because it would be an illegal act of solicitation.

My wife cut me off from her private health insurance, so I am now covered by the provincial prescription drug insurance plan.

I composed another letter to my wife to encourage her to ask her psychologist to refer her to a psychiatrist who could prescribe anti-psychosis medication (dopamine agonist/antagonist) that will suppress her delusions and auditory hallucination. However, my lawyer is holding the letters (3 so far) to be delivered later.

_________________

Simon

Hopefully your increased medication dosage will help you pass troough this.

I guess your court appearance should be coming soon.

Good luck again

Good morning Simon,

In this morning's Globe there is an article on the Quebec Youth protection Act. (Children's Rights) You do not appear to be the irresponsible parent, you have taken positive steps to protect your health, your children and your marriage, your poor wife only seems to exhibit anger, if I may say , and I am not an expert, you must convince the judge when the time comes, that you can care for your children as a single parent, because unfortunately for her, it appears that she is not capable, and may not be for a long time.

Your lawyer seems to be handling this very well, he is holding your letters til the judge has his doubts, then he will most probably say, that you had been trying to make others aware of the situation for months if not years.

Do you have a trial date Yet ?

Hang on

Thank you so much for your encouragement, fluffy. The psychiatrist told me earlier this week that I should join a support group to talk about my situation. Well, the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum is my support group. Without it, I would not have had enough courage to last until now!

I have dedicated my life to building up a strong family, so it is so hard for me to see the family breaking up like this. After 6 months from the birth of each kid, I was changing the diapers more often than my wife was. As I showed you in the list before, we were very successful in raising 3 excellent kids. We had mutual support and honesty with no secrets in the family. Now, however, my lawyer says to me not to tell this to my kids, while my wife's lawyer says to my wife that the kids should not tell that to me, etc.

I am fortunate to have a lawyer who understands mental health problems. However, her organisation skill is much to be desired, as the original court date of late July has been repeatedly postponed to 2005-09-09, 2005-10-03, and 2005-10-20. It is now scheduled 2005-11-02 at Palais du Justice, and she is now seeking witnesses because my wife is contesting the Requête. My anxiety level is way up, despite the anti-depressant pills. I should remind myself that I am doing it all for my wife, so it is the motive that counts, not the outcome...

I will check today's Globe and Mail. Thanks yet again, fluffy!

P.S. Do you happen to be Madelaine?

_________________

Simon

Family: S.F. Mother Made Threats Before By LISA LEFF, Associated Press Writer SAN FRANCISCO -- The woman charged with tossing her three sons into San Francisco Bay has been battling schizophrenia and once said she was going to feed the boys to the sharks, family members said. Lashuan Harris, 23, was charged with three counts of murder Thursday while anguished relatives kept vigil and rescuers combed the chilly water for the bodies of two of the young victims. Harris was being held in a hospital jail ward and was scheduled to be arraigned Friday. Family members said Harris, who had been was hospitalized twice this year and had received outpatient psychiatric treatment, had made threats before. An aunt told the San Francisco Chronicle the threats had prompted the woman's mother to contact authorities, but others said they didn't think Harris would actually kill her children. "She told my mama she was going to feed them to the sharks," said Britney Fitzpatrick, Harris' 16-year-old half sister. "No one thought it was that serious." According to a police report, the 23-year-old Harris was heeding voices in her head when she went to San Francisco and dropped her children off a pier into the chilly water Wednesday night. The former nurse's assistant had been living with her boys in a Salvation Army homeless shelter since September. The body of Harris' middle child, Taronta Greeley, 2, was recovered late Wednesday near the St. Francis Yacht Club, about two miles from Pier 7. The other two boys -- Treyshun Harris, 6 and Joshoa Greeley, 16 months -- remained missing, but were presumed dead after so many hours in water with a swift current and temperatures in the low 50s. The U.S. Coast Guard called off its search Thursday afternoon, but the San Francisco police and fire departments continued to scour the bay until after dark. Demarcus Harris, Lashuan Harris' cousin, said the last time he saw her was Tuesday at his sister's house in Oakland and the boys were with her. When his cousin left, she said goodbye and "I'm going to miss y'all." He said neither he nor his sister suspected what she would do the next day. "We all thought she was just going home," he said. Harris was hospitalized in January at the John George Psychiatric Pavilion in San Leandro and her mother was briefly granted custody of the boys, according to her older sister, Telicia Harris, 26. Alameda County social service workers concluded after the first hospital stay that Lashuan was fit to care for her sons, Telicia Harris said. Lashuan Harris' aunt, Joyce Harris, told the Chronicle for Friday's editions that Lashuan's mother had contacted social services officials about three months ago to seek partial custody of the children. She made the request because Harris had stopped taking medication for schizophrenia and had made threats regarding the boys, the paper reported. "They said she was sane, that they couldn't do anything," Joyce Harris told the newspaper. Sylvia Soublet, a spokeswoman for the Alameda County Social Services Agency, told the Chronicle she could not discuss whether the family had contacted her agency about gaining custody. Harris told investigators she had taken the anti-psychotic drug Haldol to control her schizophrenia but stopped when she got her symptoms under control over the summer, according to the police report. But she said the voices returned Tuesday night and were still with her when she put her children into the water, according to the report. Asked why she didn't seek help from a doctor on Wednesday, Harris said she didn't know but thought the clinics would be closed. "Lashuan is very protective of the children and I think one of the reasons Lashuan stopped taking her medication was for fear of losing her three children," an uncle, Avery Garrett, told NBC's "Today" show Friday. Associated Press writers Jordan Robertson and Terence Chea contributed to this story.

Search halted for children in Bay Mother charged with three counts of murder Friday, October 21, 2005 Posted: 1147 GMT (1947 HKT) SAN FRANCISCO, California (CNN) -- The Coast Guard said Thursday evening that it had suspended the search for two children allegedly tossed by their mother off a San Francisco pier. Search teams on Wednesday recovered the body of one child, 2-year-old Taronta Greely, about five hours after police got a 911 call. The body was found 2 miles from the pier. The bodies of her siblings, 6-year-old Treyshun Harris, and Joshoa Greely, 16 months, have yet to be found despite a widespread search of the bay. The Coast Guard cited the "probability of survival, search duration and the lack of development in the case" for the suspension of its search, which covered 68 square miles. It's unlikely that anyone could survive in the 55-degree water for more than about 2-1/2 hours, said Capt. David Swatland of the Coast Guard. The waters also are known for strong tides. Scenic Pier 7, which juts some 700 feet into the bay and sits adjacent to the historic Ferry Building, typically would be crowded with commuters and tourists at the time of the incident. (Map) Mayor Gavin Newsom said the alleged actions make "you, frankly, sick to your stomach." He noted the city has resources for people who feel they can't care for their children, such as drop-off stations known as "safe havens." Rescuers have been scouring the area since the call from a man who said he saw a woman put children in the water, San Francisco Police Chief Heather Fong told reporters Thursday. (Watch the latest on the search efforts -- 3:11) Officers responded quickly to the 911 call, which came in at 5:27 p.m. Wednesday (8:27 p.m. ET), and detained a woman they found walking on the pier with a stroller, according to Fong. Fong identified the woman as 23-year-old Lashaun Harris of Oakland, the children's mother. Harris has been charged with three counts of murder and three counts of assault on a child. She's in jail under the custody of the San Francisco Sheriff's Department. Fong asked that anyone who may have seen a woman with children and a stroller in the area contact police. Relatives said Harris had a history of mental health problems, including schizophrenia, and a cousin said "she had quit taking her medication." "She wasn't in her right mind," the cousin said. "Lashaun wasn't the kind of person to do anything wrong to her kids." Former neighbor Angelica Williams said police often came to the house on domestic disturbance calls. And, last year, she said Harris began behaving strangely. "She was very paranoid," Williams said. "She would pile furniture against the door. ... She was afraid people were out to get her." Family members said Harris had been living at a shelter in Oakland but recently said she was going to San Francisco. Mary Ann Ramirez, the shelter's social services manager, told the San Francisco Chronicle that Treyshun was "such a sweet child -- he loved school. He started first grade when he came to the Salvation Army; it was a new school." "He would come home every day, ask his mom to 'please take me to homework club.' He really loved school. He loved his brothers, helped his mom with the kids a lot,'' Ramirez said. CNN's Rahul Bali, Rusty Dornin and Augie Martin contributed to this report.

I posted 2 newspaper articles to this discussion board today about a mother who tossed her 3 children into San Francisco Bay when she heard voices in her head. She had taken the anti-psychotic drug to control her paranoid schizophrenia, but stopped when she got her symptoms under control.

Well, I should feel very lucky that the voice that my wife heard in her head was "why isn't her husband helping her?" which led to the separation, not something more serious that would have threatened somebody's life (so far)...

_________________

Simon

Quebec to tighten Youth Protection Act Courts will be able to intervene sooner to take custody from offending parents By RHÉAL SÉGUIN Friday, October 21, 2005 Page A5 QUEBEC -- Quebec courts will be able to intervene sooner to take custody of children away from parents who fail to offer safe and proper care under major changes proposed yesterday for the province's Youth Protection Act. In cases where children are abandoned, neglected or subjected to physical, mental or sexual abuse, the younger the child the less time the offending parents will have to remedy the situation in order to keep custody of their children. A delay of 12 months will be given to parents with children less than two years old, 18 months for parents of children ages 2 to 5, and 24 months for parents of older children. "We think it's important to recognize that a child does have rights. The child is entitled to have a safe and a good life and some parents, unfortunately, it's terrible to say, but some parents are unable to care for their kids," said Margaret Delisle, Minister of Child Services. The time frames were based on studies showing that children who do not receive affection and care and who do not develop a sense of attachment in the early years of their development often face social and mental problems later in life. The bill aims to create stability for children by eliminating the endless shuffling from foster homes back to family settings and into foster homes again. "What we now know from psychologists and neurologists is that a child can experience trauma . . . as early as three months of age. And for a child's brain to develop appropriately, they need to be in stable relationships. They need to be able to form a clear relationship with one caregiver who responds to their needs," said Michael Godman, provincial director of youth protection services. Ms. Delisle said the bill will offer social workers and family-court judges the tools they need to protect the most vulnerable children. It will require officials to present to the court a plan to assure a stable family setting for children who have been placed in foster homes for the maximum length of time set by the law. It will also require that the situation in foster care be reviewed every three months to ensure its stability. This means more children could be put up for adoption. Or they could be placed under legal guardianship, such as with an extended-family member who will receive financial support to take care of the child but where the parents will not lose all their rights. The minister said her priority will be to do everything possible to keep children with their natural parents. One of the objectives will be to proceed more through voluntary mediation rather than the court system in establishing a stable environment for the children. But Quebec remained among the last provinces in the country to take tough action against irresponsible parents. Ms. Delisle said no new funding will be made available, insisting that the reforms could be put into place with the current budget.

Fluffy has kindly pointed me to the article in Globe and Mail (2005-10-21).

When my wife left the house back in 2005-06, she immediately asked for "family mediation". Since I was panicking in deep crisis because of her separation, and since my objective was to seek reconciliation with her along with professional help and medical care for her mental health, I flatly refused her request. I also felt betrayed by my wife's parents because I had not known the difference between "marriage counselling" (Search & Rescue) and "family mediation" (Search & Recovery).

Thus began the legal proceedings in the court system. In retrospect, maybe I should have tried family mediation (FREE for 6 sessions) first. The mediator might have understood the special mental health situation...

_________________

Simon

What a sad, sad loss for that poor family. I whole heartily agree that children should come first and very quick action should be taken to put them into stable and safe environments.

Children's rights to safety and security should come above any adults right to parent.

The care systems need to be redesigned though because as it stands the foster system is just as neglectful. Children moving from home to home or not being provided for by consistent caregivers, even worse abused by foster care providers is also harmful.

There are many parents with mental illnesses including schizophrenia who are wonderful parents. It is when parents with mental illness are not getting proper treatment or are far too ill to parent that the risk to childrens well being is affected.

Looking at the global picture of children and neglect we should be doing more in the area of prevention rather then trying to pick up the pieces. Currently in Ontario we have Infant Stimulation programs where children who have developmental risks have intervention for the 1st two years after birth. Staff go into the home and teach the parents methods for improving their childs development. These range from excercise programs to cognitive programs.

Parents who are unstable due to mental illness or substance abuse should not be able to be responsible for child after birth. Waiting until the poor child is hurt is not the answer.

No easy answers to the issues of child abuse but what we are currently doing is not enough. Prevention should be the target.

Just recently there is a campaign to raise awareness about child abuse. Many posters all over the city and people handing out braclets of support and information at the subway stations. http://www.useyourvoice.ca/

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

My sincere condolences to this family for the great losses they are suffering.

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

The Stigma of Mental Illness - Written by the Office of Public Health, Canadian Medical Association OTTAWA, Oct. 14 /CNW Telbec/ - People with a mental illness or addiction and their families and friends face two challenges: dealing with their illness and dealing with the stigma that surrounds it. Often this stigma can be as difficult to deal with as the illness itself. Mental illness ranges from mood disorders, including depression (which about 8 per cent of Canadians will develop at some time in their lives) and anxiety, to eating disorders and schizophrenia. The Public Health Agency of Canada says mental illnesses are caused by "a complex interplay of genetic, biological, personality and environmental factors." In many ways, mental illnesses resemble other health problems. They can be chronic or life-long, or episodic. They can be severe enough to be disabling, or something people live with while continuing to function day-to-day. Many patients respond well to treatment, and like heart disease or cancer, those who do not suffer from mental illness likely know someone who does. Where mental illnesses differs from most other diseases, however, is in the negative attitudes that surround them. Whether because of fear arising from centuries of ignorance, or hostility because people don't believe the mentally ill are 'really sick' if they are not visibly ailing, there's a lack of understanding and support for people with mental-health problems. As a result, many people either hide their mental illness or even deny it altogether. Studies show men are particularly likely to refuse to accept that they suffer from a mental illness, because it seems weak or self indulgent. In fact, mental illness is no more a result of personal weakness than any other type of sickness. The stigma of mental illness can also discourage people from getting treatment. Many try to continue to function as usual; something they would not do if they had pneumonia or a broken leg. Even those who have accepted the need for help may cut off counseling or medication too soon because they feel pressured to "get over it." "More education about the realities of mental illness would go a long way toward showing Canadians it is neither shameful nor threatening, but a health problem that can usually be effectively treated to the benefit of those affected, their families and the country as a whole," said Dr. Ruth Collins-Nakai, President of the Canadian Medical Association. Unfortunately, people who delay getting help for mental illness tend to get worse and become harder to treat. And people suffering from mental illness who don't get adequate treatment are far more likely to kill themselves than the rest of the population. Studies show they also are likely to have more trouble getting work than others, even more than people with physical disabilities. However, in the last decade or so, as we have learned more and developed better treatments, society has become less judgmental and hostile to the mentally ill and more people are willing to admit they have a mental illness and seek help. Many companies, offer access to different kinds of counseling through employee-assistance programs and more people are admitting they need those programs - an admission that once would have been seen as a career risk and personal failure. For further information: Carole Lavigne, Media Relations, (613) 731-8610 or 1-800-663-7336 ext. 1266

During my ordeal, especially before I was prescribed anti-depressants (happy pills), I experienced a period of extreme anger. My anger was never directed towards my wife, but towards my wife's close-minded parents who, because of their stigma towards mental illness, was and still is blaming me for the separation. I felt betrayed because they were saying one thing to one person and another thing to another person.

After 4 weeks of hell imposed on myself and on the kids, I suddenly realised that all I had to do was to lower my expectations. Once I drastically lowered expectations for my wife's parents, my anger towards them magically disappeared completely. My research on anger management on the web confirmed the effectiveness of lowering expectations.

Expectation quotes • "Anger always comes from frustrated expectations." • "Anger arises from a communication not delivered or an expectation not met." • "Anger arises because an expectation was not met, or a communication was not delivered." • "Never idealise others. They will never live up to your expectations." • "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian."

I presented my findings to my wife. After all, her 2 reasons for the separation were that I was not believing her surveillance and spying stories enough, and that I was not making enough money. I repeatedly urged her to lower expectations for me, but so far, no effect :-(.

Just wanted to share my experience...

_________________

Simon

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian."

Lol, Simon. I learned something from your information on anger. Thanks. The above quote has been a source of my anger.

One thing I learned from a therapist as a way to deal with my "fix the world or give up on it attitude" was that I did have a choice to not try and fix it. But, that did not help my depression and sense of helplessness. The more healthy approach was to give myself time to make decisions about how I could "help" the situations that bothered me so much and was a major cause of my depression. It was best to view the problem from a micro level and then choose what I felt most comfortable doing.

An example she gave me was that I was coping with my problems similar to trying to eliminate all poverty. No one can eliminate all of the worlds poverty as that is an impossible task. So, the answer is to stop working on that as a goal and look at ways to work on decreasing poverty at a more realistic and manageble level. It was a relief to focus on looking at ways of making a difference on a smaller scale.

Simon......I forgot to mention in a previous post about your thoughts on mediation. That's good to know that there is an out of court process that can be used. Don't beat yourself up about how you "should" have done things differently. Let it go. That's not helpful to you now but it is good for others to know.

As the above article states, stigma is what keeps the average person from seeking help with their derpression/anxiety or other mental health issues. We would not question going to the doctor for having daily headaches (which can be caused by stress) or other phyiscal symptoms but we are ashamed to seek help for our mental distress.

Reactive depression is very common in our families who are dealing with these kinds of situations. Like any other illness, depression is best when treated eaerly before it becomes worse.

Are you seeing a therapist, Simon. The psychologist you saw with your wife sounds like a good one. You should be proud of yourself for taking care of yourself as you are. Men have a more difficult time with doing this.

You're doing a good job Simon!

Cheers

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Simon......I forgot to mention in a previous post about your thoughts on mediation. That's good to know that there is an out of court process that can be used. Don't beat yourself up about how you "should" have done things differently. Let it go. That's not helpful to you now but it is good for others to know.

Thank you for another invaluable advice, Judy. The psychiatrist told me last week that I should join a support group to talk about my situation. Well, the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum is my support group. Without it, I would not have had enough courage to last until now. Thank you everyone!

Not dwelling on how you should have done things differently is what I had been teaching my kids. I was always telling them not to worry about the past but to focus on the future. Throughout my current crisis, however, I often find myself losing my own perspective.

When my 16-year old son was young, between 5 and 10 years old, he was excited all the time. I suspected Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), but my wife insisted that he was normal. So, I was telling my son to calm down every day. Later, I find that melatonin pills (not available in Canada but I legally imported them from the U.S. for "personal use") made him calm OK.

During my unbearable ordeal this year due to my wife's separation, my son has been telling me to calm down and to take melatonin pills. I really appreciate his moral support and understanding, and find it ironic that my training on him boomerang on myself.

This situation is analogous to science and technology of the Ancient Greece and Rome being preserved in the Arab world during the Middle Ages, and coming back to Europe during the Renaissance.

On the weekend, I composed yet another letter to my wife, listing all the people who are advising that she seek professional care. This is the 4th letter to be delivered later.

_________________

Simon

Thus began the legal proceedings in the court system. In retrospect, maybe I should have tried family mediation (FREE for 6 sessions) first. The mediator might have understood the special mental health situation...

Simon,

There is a lot of wisdom in what you taught your kids. But if wisdom is not enough and if it can help let me share my idea: mediation woud most probably not have change an iota to what you are going through.

Your goal did not changed since she left; you want your family back together. Mediation is to avoid the court process when comes the time to decide who is keeping the extension cords and who is keeping the kids on June 24th (or July 1)(and this is not your goal). Since your wife is not reacting logically toward you nothing would have come out of it . Moreover, if I recall what I have read, nothing that is said during mediation can be taken to court. So, even if the mediator picks up on your wife problems you can not use it...and chances are he (she) will not try or succed in convincing her that she has a problem.

It is a bit like what I have tried with my wife, a psychologist and family consellor. He quickly came to a conclusion but I cannot use this in any way except reinsuring myself when I am in doubt about the decisions I made.

In the weekend newspaper, I found an announcement of a depression research at uOttawa Institute of Mental Health Research. I called them up, and I promptly had an appointment at the Royal Ottawa Hospital this afternoon. There was a 2-hour interview session with the co-ordinator of the research programme, including an evaluation based on the DSM diagnostic criteria system. Here are the benefits of participating in the study.

You will receive the benefit of an evaluation of symptoms, a physical examination, laboratory evaluations, an electrocardiogram, general health discussions with the study doctor and clinician, and help in referrals for additional treatment if needed.

It seems that I am a good candidate as a research guinea pig. I am now taking anti-depressants Citalopram and Trazodone. They are going to give me a different kind of anti-depressant, either Venlafaxine (Effexor XR), Paroxetine (Paxil) or Atomoxetine (Strattera). They will inject me with amino acid Tyramine, collect my blood and urine samples, do electrocardiograph (ECG), and measure my blood pressure, heart rate, etc. during a 2-hour period on each visit. After a lengthy explanation of possible side effects, I signed a Consent Form, and I will be seeing a psychiatrist the day after tomorrow to have my depression confirmed.

The study "Effectiveness of the Dual Serotonin Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor Venlafaxine in Depressed Patients" will last for 6 weeks (1 visit a week), but I will be treated for 6 months afterward. It means that I will get free medication for a long time. There is even a possibility for a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). It is a great deal, considering that the provincial prescription drug insurance plan pays only about 60% of the cost of medication. However, my real objective is to contribute as much as I can to mental health research in Canada, and to possibly discuss my wife's mental illness with mental health professionals.

Since my wife took away the scale when she separated, I did not know how much weight I had lost due to the extreme stress of my ordeal. All I knew were that I have lost appetite, that my waistline has shortened, and that there is no money for junk food. The physical examination today confirmed that I have lost 5 kg (from 66 kg to 61 kg) in the 4 months since my wife left the house 2005-06.

During the interview, I explained to the nurse why I am so depressed. She was very understanding about my wife's mental health with paranoid delusions and hallucinations, and especially about the stigma of mental illness that I have encountered. We both wished her condition to deteriorate so that my wife would get professional help and medical care that she deserves. The nurse pointed out that the scenario is more likely because she is alone in the apartment (when the kids are with me), without anybody around her to vent her frustration of surveillance and spying.

_________________

Simon

"Wow, she is quite sick and her condition will only deteriorate; she really needs psychiatric help!" were the wise words from the psychiatrist that I met today at the Royal Ottawa Hospital. Unlike the other psychiatrist in QC who did not care much about my wife's case when I met him last week, the psychiatrist in ON is sincerely enthusiastic about helping me find a strategy, so I was very much impressed, to say the least.

As for my condition, his elaborate psychiatric evaluation confirmed that I am a good candidate of the research study because I am suffering from severe depression. It is specially true when I have no joy, fun, laughter or enjoyment in life after my wife's unilateral separation. He instructed me to stop the current anti-depressant medication as of today so that they can start the study with new anti-depressant medication next week.

During the interview with the psychiatrist, I explained that I was traumatised a few weeks ago when my own lawyer interrogated me on the telephone to demonstrate how my wife's lawyer would behave in court. He told me that I had in fact a panic attack when I experienced extreme anxiety, heightened respiration, perspiration and pulse rate. Normally, such panic attack would last for 15 minutes, but it lasted a few days in my case.

I had an electrocardiogram (EKG/ECG), and gave blood and urine samples. Next week, I am going to see another doctor who is the principal investigator of the mental research project.

So, I am over-doctored with a total of 4 doctors (2 physicians, 2 psychiatrists) since 2005-07. All I wish for is a single psychiatrist who would prescribe anti-psychotic medication to my wife in order to stop the surveillance and spying caused by paranoid delusions and auditory hallucinations...

_________________

Simon

Good idea about attending the research study on depression, Simon!

I wanted to take part in an MRI study so I could have a little picture of my brain but having a son with schizophrenia ruled me out of the control group.

You will really benefit from the CBT, Simon. Here is a self help CBT program you can do online. I have benefited from it!

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/

So, I am over-doctored with a total of 4 doctors (2 physicians, 2 psychiatrists) since 2005-07. All I wish for is a single psychiatrist who would prescribe anti-psychotic medication to my wife in order to stop the surveillance and spying caused by paranoid delusions and auditory hallucinations...

That's a very powerful statement, Simon. I feel for you.

hugs

Judy

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

I think most people who have never gone to a psychiatrist would have fears about what would happen. I also think that many people would have the fearful thought a psychiatrist would put them in the hospital. I saw a psychiatrist when I first experienced depression because I was afraid of what I was experiencing and knew I needed professional help. I did not know what was wrong with me. I also had the thought about how awful it would be to be put into the hospital and maybe that's what the psychiatrist would do to me. But I went knowing that whatever it was that was wrong with me...how ever horrible it may be....then I needed to know it so i could do something about it. When I went for my 2nd appointment and talked about how I was afraid that I might have been put into hospital at the first appointment, the doctor told me that my fear about being put into the hospital was just that....fear. For some reason, when we have had no experience or knowledge about what a psychiatrist actually does we just assume that being hospitalized must be a part of what they do. You have to be very ill to be placed into a hospital and you don't seem to fit that criteria. Not all people who experience times of depression, mood swings, psychosis or anxiety etc are placed into hospital. When the doctor told me that I was suffering from anxiety and depression I became fearful again because I did not want to have these things and I really did not know much about them. Many of us go to the family doctor with symptoms and sometimes have a minor thing wrong or sometimes something more serious. It's very easy to go to your family doctor with your symptoms but it's not as easy to go to a psychiatrist......is it? But it should be, Precision, because it really is no different. Those of us who go to a psychiatrist with symptoms may sometimes have a minor problem and sometimes something more serious. A psychiatrist or psychologist are the two types of doctors that can assess your symptoms and diagnose and treat them. As JD pointed out, it could be sleep related problems. It could be the effects of the cocaine use. It could be something completely different or a combination of things. The only way to know for sure, Precision is to see one of the above doctors. It would also be a good idea to see your family doctor about these symptoms because they can rule out physical causes with tests. Your family doctor would also be able to refer you to a psychiatrist or psychologist It's certainly better to have a professional opinion then to spend a great deal of time trying to figure it out yourself. Also, if you have something that needs to be treated then it's good to get that done sooner versus later no matter what the problem is. It would also be best to relieve your fears if you have nothing that needs to be treated.

I appreciate your wisdom, Judy.

To add clarification, my understanding is that a psychologist (even with a Ph.D.) can provide therapies and such, but he/she cannot prescribe medication. Only a psychiatrist (M.D.) can prescribe medications like anti-depressants and anti-psychotic, right?

When my wife was working at a different department of the government about 7 years ago, a report was issued when she pursued a harassment case. The report recommended that my wife have a psychiatric assessment because of the unbelievable nature of her stories. My wife was naturally very upset with the conclusion, so she refused to have a psychiatric assessment. I advised her to have a psychiatric assessment anyway in order to prove that she was right because I believed most of her harassment stories at her office.

I regret that I did not insist on it enough back then. The main reason of my not pushing her hard was that at that time, there were news stories about a psychiatrist who was accused of horrendous sexual assault. So, I did not have much confidence in psychiatry in the past, but I know now that it is a very isolated incident...

Unconditional Love "Defrocked Psychotherapist Charged with Sexual Assault of Female Patients" headlined the Ottawa Sun, March 12,1998: Former doctor John Orpin, 59, spanked, beat, fondled, tied up, kissed and had oral sex and intercourse with female patients, all in the name of psychotherapy. Orpin told his patients that having sex with him or being assaulted would improve their emotional state.... Orpin is accused of forcing a 21-year-old woman to perform sexual acts on him. He told another woman who went to him for help for her failing marriage that she wasn't ready yet, put her over his knee, lifted her skirt, pulled down her panties and spanked her, finally having intercourse with her. In each case Orpin told his patients not to tell anyone, saying it would be 'detrimental to the process.' He faced 19 charges from five former patients. The story was followed up a month later in Toronto's Saturday Star: Former psychiatrist John Orpin was found guilty on 13 sexually related charges, including 5 counts of sexual assault and 4 counts of assault against female patients while he was practicing medicine. Testimony in the trial included incidents that, while the women were under [hypnosis], Orpin beat, raped and sodomized them. Some were shackled to a wall and beaten with a belt. One woman was anally raped. Orpin told his patients his penis was a 'healing staff' and that anal rape was 'unconditional love.' He asked to do community service instead of jail....

_________________

Simon

What a sick man he was.

I read up a little more about this case but it's hard to find information except at the antipsychiatry crap sites. I did find a couple of articles on law sites and he apparently was sentenced to 6 yrs in prison.

He did not finish his education to become a psychiatrist but instead worked as a psychotherapist. Anybody can hang a sign on the door and call themselves a therapist. This is why is it best to check out their credentials as being a licensed therapist doctor and to get referals from other families that were happy with their treatment.

In all professions there are good and bad. When it becomes especially terrible is when you have cases of abuse from people in positions of power and trust.

Sexual abuse happens in all professions. A priniciple, teacher, minister, boy scout leader, hockey coach, are all in the position of caring for people and when abuse occurs in these positions it is most disturbing.

I will be very busy with work and personal projects for the next while so won't be posting much.

Take care

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Good evening Simon,

I have meant but hesitated to send this message for a long time, and now the Court appearance is near. Tuesday you'll know whether your poor wife is going to have more access to the children, I have read and reread everything you wrote, and I realize that you are still hoping that your family will be back together as it was years and years ago. What if she continues to refuse to get help ? Have you never thought that for some months, if not more , you may be legally a single father ? , you have been at least since she left, isn't that under the circumstances the best for you and your children ?

Your are lucky you say, to be on the Royal Ottawa study, but the psychiatrist is also lucky to have you, you are the perfect patient you have intellect and insight, you are compliant, and your depression has been brought about by tremendous trauma. I hope you get a good judgement on Tuesday, and I wish you and your kids the very best.

Honestly, I cannot believe how much moral support I am getting from you!

As I stated before, my anxiety level went sky high when my lawyer interrogated me a few week ago in her attempt to teach me how the other side would behave in court, which gave me a panic attack for a week. I am calm now because the sole reason of what I am doing is to help my wife, even though my wife, her parents and her lawyer all consider it an attack on her.

The kids came back yesterday for another week of stay with me. They are my best friends, and we share everything. Thus, I would be happy to become a permanent single father. It would be 1/2 time if my wife wins and refuses to get help. The kids told me that she is not seeing the psychologist despite the recommendation from her own lawyer. If she is ordered to have a psychiatric evaluation next Wednesday (or some other time in the future because my lawyer changes dates all the time), I will be positioned to get our happy family back together, no matter how long it takes.

Thanks to the advice at the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum, especially from you and Judy, I am more prepared now as to whichever destiny I will be given. Even if I am destroyed in court, knowing that I did my best to help my wife, and especially that you know the whole truth, would be a reason enough to continue my fight against stigma towards mental illness.

Thank you yet again for your understanding, fluffy!!

_________________

Simon

The kids came back to the house Friday for another week of staying with me. They are my best friends, and we share everything. Although the week of intense loneliness is over, I can feel that the sadness is back because of doctor's order of stop taking anti-depressant pills until Tuesday when I will be given new medication for a mental research project. According to the kids, my wife seems to be resisting her own lawyer's strategy to see a psychologist (not a psychiatrist) to prove that she is A-OK.

However, it is frustrating that even though the kids still hope for a united family together again, they got quite used to shuffling between the 2 places after 5 month since the separation 2005-06. In the face of lies spread around about me being solely responsible for the separation, I explained to my kids that although I seem to be fighting a losing battle, all I want from them is their understanding of the truth of what really happened to our family, regardless of what other people say.

On the weekend, I collected the leaves on the yard. In the past, the work was shared with my wife, but now I am alone doing such work since the kids are busy with school projects, homework, and Halloween parties. I ended up gathering as many as 9 bagfuls of leaves. I also cleaned the bathrooms and the toilets properly for the first time in months. So, I am exhausted to death.

Nevertheless, I have managed to translate a part of my Affidavit in the hope of helping others avoid my mistake of not identifying a mental health problem which was completely alien to me for 12 years...

My wife was conscious and spoke about the surveillance and spying almost every day, all the time since 1994. She believes that police (RCMP or CSIS) began the surveillance and spying because she voted for the separatist Parti Québécois 25 years ago. Her fixed beliefs and her intense thoughts do not exist in reality or do not tally with reality. For example, my wife said: 01. that police listens to telephone conversations at the house to collect personal information on my wife; 02. that there is a microphone in the house and also a microphone in my car to conduct surveillance on my wife; 03. that there is a hidden camera in the roof of the house of a neighbor to conduct surveillance on my wife; 04. that golfers who pass in the golf course behind the house conduct surveillance on my wife; 05. that the colleagues of her office know all kinds of private matters about our family; 06. that there are many people on the bus who conduct surveillance on my wife every day; 07. that the retired parents-in-law of my wife's sister talked at their cottage about the director general of my wife's workplace; 08. that the neighbours on one side spoke about my wife's office when I heard their discussion of how to wash a car; 09. that the neighbours on the other side earned enough money by conducting surveillance on my wife that they bought a cottage; 10. that the parents of our son's friend conduct surveillance on my wife even though they are refugees; 11. that I discussed the surveillance and spying with our friend on the telephone when I talked about my wife's business trip; 12. that there was an echo of the surveillance equipment in the bathroom of the house; 13. that she hears voices through the ventilation system at her office; 14. that one dentist calls police each time my wife arrives; 15. that the other dentist conducts surveillance on my wife so much that she stopped seeing him; 16. that 2 male cyclists passed us talking about my wife when we went cycling together; 17. that 2 female skiers passed us talking about my wife when we went cross-country skiing together; 18. that a man at the karate club spies on my wife every time she drives our son there; 19. that the owner of the music school and the president of the skating club know that my wife is on surveillance; 20. that her colleagues are sent by police to spy on my wife every time we visit events (a festival, etc.); 21. that police sends my wife's colleague to spy on her when she attends conferences; 22. that the driver of a car was spying on my wife when the car simply turned in front of our car; 23. that a director of the government whom she met on the bus came in front of the house in his car many times to spy on my wife; 24. that she was followed for one hour when my wife drove a rented car during a business trip to the U.S.A. (pre-9/11); 25. that police asks her colleagues what our family would be doing during the weekend; 26. that police asks her colleagues to gather information about her personality, if she is jealous, and that she lacks confidence; 27. that everyone at her office knows that my wife is under surveillance but they do not want to admit it; 28. that her colleagues think that my wife needs therapy; 29. that people at her office want to get rid of my wife; 30. that police wants to break my wife; 31. that she wants to have an additional curtain installed even if there is a blind which completely hides the interior of the master bedroom from the outside;

_________________

Simon

Simon, you are amazing, doing all this over the weekend and still thinking of translating the affidavit. You are right , we have to keep urging people to keep notes, with dates and circumstances.

Do your kids have to appear in Court tomorrow, They would have to miss school ?

Do not forget to post when you come back from Court, tomorrow, we are a small group, but we are rooting for you.

Thank you for your continuing support, fluffy!

Halloween used to be a happy family affair. Being in no mood to cheerfully hand out treats this year, I sadly put up a sign on the door: "Sorry, there are no treats here this year."

I prepared an elaborate supper, but my 14-year daughter announced that she had other plans for Halloween, and that she was not eating supper here. I became irritated and upset (anger due to miscommunication). The lack of anti-depressant medication for the last 6 days certainly showed some effect. I even ended up drinking 4 glasses of wine, throwing up, and having a terrible hangover the next morning. I normally drink 2 glasses of red wine at supper time. I took the first new anti-depressant pills, but nobody knows what it is among the 3 medications because it is a blind study. It is definitely not a placebo, though.

As for the court case, it turned out that my wife actually went to see a psychologist 3 times. The psychologist wrote a one-sentence report saying that my wife is not in danger to herself or to the others. There is no mention of her real problem with paranoid delusions and auditory hallucinations, so it is very bad news. I lost the faint hope that the psychologist were competent and ethical enough to refer my wife to a psychiatrist for proper medical treatment...

My lawyer is finalising the witnesses, so I had to pay her another $2 000 CAD yesterday. When I find a police officer in a cruiser handing out treats to the neighbourhood kids for Halloween, I begged her to give me a bag of chips worth $0.25 CAD in order to compensate for the lawyer's fee...

I visit the Royal Ottawa Hospital once a week for the depression study. The psychiatrist who is conducting the depression study said that he used to work in schizophrenia, so he knows all too well about what I am going through. I gave him the translated text of my wife's symptoms. He said that my wife's condition is a "classic case of schizophrenia", and that he understands exactly the stigma of mental illness that I have encountered. He also understands my wife's insensitivity towards the havoc that she has caused to people around her, and the difficulty of her being not too sick to need an immediate medical attention.

I met the principal investigator of the mental research project. When I briefly described my wife's story about surveillance and spying, the university professor of psychiatry said that my wife really needs medical treatment. He also pointed out that such delusions and hallucinations are quite easy to treat with anti-psychotic medication.

Help please. I can not think anymore. ... What a mess. ... It is an impossible situation. ... I am really worried about how all this will turn out. ... No logic works. ... This is a terrible disease. It should not exist. ...

Oscar, we both hate the disease, not the spouse. The person whom we want to reach, however, perceives the help as an attack and refuses any medical care. Let us share the following secrets together.

The very best of luck and I'll now give you the two secrets of success: • Secret #1 - Never, never, never, ever quit! • Secret #2 - See secret #1. John Parker

_________________

Simon

Simon, I expected good news, I thought that only a psychiatrist could certify that a person is not a danger to herself or others, is the psychologist accredited with a college ? And by the way this statement implies that the person is not all there ... otherwise he or she would have mentioned the good mental health of the person he or she talked with....If you have the name you can check yourself, your lawyer would charge you again .

Good advice to Oscar, it goes for all of us. I hope your wine was not too expensive, it would have been a shame to puke "un grand cru" Don't you give up either !

Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 11:37 am
Subject: Surveillance and Spying

Simon

You are amazing. You had to use many of my post to prepare this quotation. You must have an excellent memory. By reading this I sound in pretty bad shape.

Regards

It was the day in court today!

Last month, just the thought of being in a courtroom gave me a panic attack that lasted for a few days. Today, I woke up at 05:00 due to anxiety, but I was remarkably calm at the courthouse. The new anti-depressant medication that I started taking yesterday, whatever it is, has done great wonder, together with the confidence that I gathered at the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum. Thank you all!

In the waiting area, the other side was piling up witnesses to prove that my wife is normal. Her parents were on her side, despite their knowledge that she needs a doctor. For them, projecting their daughter's normalcy is much more important than her mental health due to their enormous stigma towards mental illness.

My strength is knowing the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth, while the other side would try to distort the situation. However, I was all alone on my side, and I felt overwhelmed.

After an hour of waiting for a hearing, it turned out that due to the unavailability of judges and a large number of cases, the case would not be heard today. My lawyer said that she will try to get a witness or two on our side next time. She also noted that it must be costing the other side a lot of money for the witnesses.

All my wife has to do is to see a psychiatrist (not a psychologist) for medical treatment. To prove the need in court, we have to link the delusions and hallucinations to danger. Although there are many quotes in my Affidavit about the occasions that my wife talked about suicide, the danger factor remains a weak link.

I also have newspaper articles about people hearing voices committing murders (David Carmichael, ON, 2004; Daniel Maxheleau, ON, 2005; Lashuan Harris, CA, 2005). However, my lawyer is seeking a definitive statement from a psychiatrist that hearing voices poses real danger. If anybody has any ideas to bridge this weak link, it would be appreciated.

_________________

Simon

All my wife has to do is to see a psychiatrist (not a psychologist) for medical treatment.

Simon, I know it sounds so simple to us. I don't understand why they are so reluctant. They will run to see a doctor for anything else with no fear. What do they have to loose? What are they afraid of? Loosing their dignity, braking their self esteem?

Hang on.

Simon, I know it sounds so simple to us. I don't understand why they are so reluctant. They will run to see a doctor for anything else with no fear. What do they have to loose? What are they afraid of? Loosing their dignity, braking their self esteem?

The key word may be "image". What a coincidence! My kids were watching the following TV programme.

TV: Star Trek: The Next Generation • "Samaritan Snare" (Captain Picard is reluctant to undergo a cardiac replacement operation because of his "image".)

As for the wine, I make my own wine from grape juice concentrate, so it costs less than $1.00 CAD per day if I limit the consumption to 3 glasses per day.

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Simon

Hi Simon,

It seems to me that you put too much hope for your wife’s visit to a psychiatric doctor. Please understand that schizophrenia can not be tested from lab tests. A diagnosis is solely based on what the patient said to the p-doc, and what the p-doc observed during the appointment. Therefore, even your wife agrees to see a p-doc under a court order, if she does not tell the truth, no one can give her a correct diagnosis. This was from my personal experience.

Several years ago, I tricked my wife once to see a psychiatric doctor. I told the p-doc all my wife’s symptoms right before the appointment; he clearly told me that based on what I said, my wife has schizophrenia. But during my wife’s appointment, she denies everything. When the p-doc asked her, “your husband told me that you hears voices”, she answered, “how does he know that I hear voices? If he told you so, that means he hears voices himself, and he is the one mentally ill”. The result was obvious, he could not diagnose her as schizophrenia, and he also wrote that she was not potentially dangerous to anyone based on the interview.

_________________

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it" -- Helen Keller

True enough our family members, can trick the person assessing them but only for so long. If there were more P., and if they had more time, and they knew their diagnosis would not be immediately questionned by activists, lawyers, patients' advocates etc.. they could give a different opinion..!

Years ago I was lucky enough to be allowed into the room with my family member, the psychiatrist had to, he would not open his mouth without me being there !

The psychiatrist said "Do you hear voices ?

The answer was "No"

So I piped in "Why do you talk to the picture on the wall then?

And my poor family member said "Because the picture talked to me, so I answered....

There is so much emphasis on Patient Empowerment, that Psychiatrists cannot but feel "disembowelled", my own spelling and observation.

I had another panic attack when my lawyer informed me of a new Requête by my wife's lawyer to stop talking about the situation with the kids. I wonder whatever happened to the constitutional guarantee of free speech in Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms? My lawyer gave me a strict order not to discuss anything on-line even if it is anonymous, so I deleted all of my posts from the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum.

Councillors, nurses, and a psychiatrist have all encouraged me to join a support group to deal with the difficult situation in my life. Because of time constraints, I could not participate in local meetings in the evenings. So, I was referred to this Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum on the Internet to share my experience.

I somehow managed to inadvertently offend my lawyer, who considers my participation in the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum as an intolerable behaviour. In a desperate feeling of guilt and the loss of meaning of my life, I made a suicide attempt for the first time in my life.

I prepared an obituary (1959-2005), put all my computer files on a CD-ROM to be kept in safe storage forever as a memory of who I was, enclosed 5 letters to my wife urging her to seek medical care for her psychosis, and wrote an instruction to my lawyer to transfer all of my assets to my wife after my death.

I let my car engine run in the closed garage for 30 minutes, then lied down on the garage floor in the hope that carbon monoxide (CO) gas would kill me peacefully.

Unfortunately or fortunately, I failed to lose consciousness. On my weekly appointment today, I discussed my suicide attempt with the psychiatrist at the Royal Ottawa Hospital. He immediately doubled the doze of my anti-depressant. When I asked the nurse to put me on suicide watch, I was given a pager number to call when a suicidal thought appears again.

I reported to the psychiatrist a mismatch between emotional response and physiological response probably due to the new anti-depressant medication. I also experienced a side effect of blurred vision. When I mentioned my wife's extreme hostility towards me, the doctor emphasised that my wife is not herself in her mental state.

Later, I found the following information about the anti-depressant that I am taking, which is serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI). It seems that I am still a teenager psychologically...

Important Safety Information: Suicide in Children and Teenagers Antidepressants increased the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in children and teenagers. Patients who are started on therapy should be observed closely for clinical worsening, suicidality, or unusual changes in behavior.

_________________

Simon

Simon

I have ereased everything that pertains to ABC. Let me know if I missed something.

Since I can no longer participate in the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum due to my lawyer's order, I attended a support group meeting of L'Apogée (Association pour parents et amis de la personne ayant un problème de santé mentale) for the first time. There were 7 ladies, all of them with a child who has either bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Their symptoms are severe with violence and homelessness. Most of these children are adults, so the mothers were feeling helpless. One lady was convinced that her son will commit suicide, so there were tears all around.

When I briefly described my wife's story of surveillance and spying with symptoms of delusions and auditory hallucinations, there were immediate reactions of "paranoid schizophrenia" from the participants. They all understand my wife's hostility towards family members and causing havoc to people around her.

They were all very sympathetic with me about my wife's stubborn refusal to see a psychiatrist, and about the stigma that I have encountered from my wife's parents who deny the mental illness and blame me for the separation.

One new information that I gathered is that paranoid schizophrenia could be triggered by pregnancy, i.e., Post Partum Psychosis. It may be possible since my wife's last pregnancy was in the summer of 1993, and the surveillance and spying started in the spring of 1994.

I communicated with karokat in Hungary who recently posted her husband's persecution delusions of surveillance and spying.

Forgive me for blundering in, I guess you could say I'm a newbie. My 39 year old husband tried to kill himself with a knife in the heart exactly 2 weeks ago. He'd been suffering from delusions for the past 6 weeks that people were out to get him, dirty his name, use him as a political pawn and we were being spied on continuously, phones tapped, surveillance vans etc. In the beginning I poopoo'd his paranoia but it didn't go away. As we could only talk in secret away from our home it kind of imploded, and I started thinking maybe it was possible. He persuaded me to install an alarm, installed exterior lights, changed te locks 3 times, even persuaded me to give up my job (our sole income and means of paying the mortgage) - I fought against this but in the end gave my notice in hope it would calm his fears. It didn't, and the last week he was so stressed he couldn't sleep properly, eat, or anything. He wanted to escape by leaving the country but I wouldn't go and he wouldn't leave me behind. In the end he believed only death was the answer. He's now in psychiatric care on Cisordinol jabs. In beginning he improved slightly, then it got worse and stabilised, then they changed his medication for 3 days to Zyprexa, he got better, then they changed it back to Cisordinol after he fluffed the psychology test (500 questions, yes/no answers only) - they said he was trying to fool them into believing he was OK. Last couple of days he's started talking to me seriously about his delusions again, when I try to tell him it's not real he just says I'm naive, and blind, and maybe it's better this way. I've been to hundreds of websites this last week trying to find answers to the impossible question, what does the future hold for us? I'm quite amazed how much more information I'm getting online than from the doctors who won't commit to anything at this stage, with them it's just wait and see. We don't even have an official diagnosis as yet, I'm just guessing it's the Delusion form of Schizophrenia. If anyone here knows of any similar cases, please let me know much info as possible, good or bad, I just want to know. I fully realise it's still too early, and every case is different, but my earlier 'blind faith' optimism (and relief that our private paranoid nightmare was now over and he was in best possible place to recover) has taken some heavy blows these past two days, especially when I dare to try think about the future. Thank you in advance for any help.

_________________

Simon

Simon,

How stressed out you must be feeling.

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

I have ereased everything that pertains to ABC. Let me know if I missed something.

Merci de ta compréhension. Quand l'embargo de mon avocate est terminé, je reconstituerai tous mes articles.

_________________

Simon

My lawyer informed me that she tried an out-of-court settlement with my wife's lawyer. I agreed with the kids's desires and accept the separation (for now) in return for my wife to see a psychiatrist (not a psychologist). She will avoid the perceived embarrassment of court-ordered psychiatric evaluation, while I will get what I wanted in the first place, i.e., professional help for my wife's mental health

However, my wife's determination to refuse any medical care for mental illness is so strong that her lawyer rejected my lawyer's generous offer, i.e., $1 100 CAD for a psychiatrist in private practice, no strings attached. Such stigma has cost me $4 000 CAD so far for my lawyer's fees, and my wife thousands of dollars for her lawyer's fees. For me, a united family is priceless. However, a 2-day court hearing 2005-11-24 to 2005-11-25 seems to be inevitable.

I went to the Royal Ottawa Hospital for depression research this afternoon. According to the research protocol, the dosage of anti-depressant was increased again. When I asked my psychiatrist about my lawyer's request to testify at the court to link delusions and hallucinations to danger, the doctor said that no psychiatrist would testify before a psychiatric evaluation. However, the doctor was open to the idea of testifying in general terms.

I also attended another meeting of L'Apogée (Association pour parents et amis de la personne ayant un problème de santé mentale) this evening. There were 7 parents of children affected by either schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. I gathered sympathy for the destruction of a happy family from the participants because it is a very difficult border-line case. After hearing my story, one man was wondering how many separations and divorces are happening because of mental illness. Oddly, my 16-year old son made a similar observation about marriage breakdown a few months back. His description my wife's condition is that something trivial and insignificant flies like a butterfly in my wife's head.

I repeatedly told my kids to call 9-1-1 if my wife makes a crisis. I learned from L'Apogée that it is not necessarily a good approach because by the time the police arrives, it is likely that the crisis is over. I was told that the better approach would be to call Centre d'aide 24/7 "Crisis intervention service" which will follow up the problem.

_________________

Simon

My lawyer kindly alerted me to a Dr. Phil Show "Schizophrenia" on CTV 2005-11-23. There were stories of paranoid-type schizophrenia, hearing voices, etc. I fully understood the feeling of the family members affected by the mental illness. Dr. Phil tried to demystify schizophrenia, and his message was: "Don't live in denial!"

• Hearing Voices • Is it Schizophrenia? • Three Generations of Mental Illness? • Deadly Consequences Mary tells the story of a time earlier this year when she left her loving husband and moved away because she thought that he was going to kill her in her sleep. She didn't tell him that she thought he was going to kill her, just that she couldn't stay with him anymore. She even went so far as to file for divorce.

My wife's parents are happily at my wife's apartment for tomorrow's court date. I was going to call my psychiatrist at the Royal Ottawa Hospital to discuss the court case, i.e., having him testify that the voice that my wife hears poses real danger. Then, my lawyer E-mailed me a hand-written report by a psychiatrist (not a psychologist) that my wife's lawyer had my wife see in order to definitely prove that she poses no danger to herself or to others. So, my lawyer will abandon the 2-day court case scheduled for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow because we will absolutely lose the case. Although the nerve-wrecking and traumatic court hearing was averted, I was devastated by the defeat.

Later, my lawyer telephoned me to inform that the psychiatrist made a full 90-minute psychiatric evaluation, and found something wrong with my wife, i.e., a sign of delusions and hallucinations. For the first time since 2005-02 (9 months) when my wife announced that she no longer loved me and since 2005-06 (6 months) when she left the house, I felt that there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. So, I was crying while talking to my lawyer. However, my wife's lawyer is refusing to disclose the revelation to me due to my participation in the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum. Anyway, I lost the court battle, but I may still win the war if my wife receives psychiatric therapy and medical treatment. Please wish me luck.

As recommended by fluffy, I watched "This is Wonderland" on CBC for the first time. The episode dealt with a homeless person, a baby abuse, an alcoholic, a prostitute, etc. instead of a mental illness, so my interest was not high. However, I learned a lot about lawyers's tactics at the court.

So, the day was an emotional roller-coaster ride!

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Simon

Simon,

I was hoping to watch that show because I am taking a few vacation days from work but had a dentist appointment.

What did you think of the show overall. I always thought that Dr Phil would not be up on the newest research and be stuck in the dark ages.

Schizophrenia Anonymous is a great organization so I hoped they would be able to really educate the public.

How have you been feeling these days?

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Pas de probleme. Moi aussi j'attends pour recommencer a poster.

Bonne chance et lache pas.

Oscar

How have you been feeling these days?

It has been a roller-coaster ride! I look forward to posting again when my lawyer's embargo is over. Thank you for your understanding, Judy.

_________________

Simon

From the transcripts at the Dr Phil website, it looks like it was an extremely wonderful and educating show. How wonderful!

http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/618

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

From the transcripts at the Dr Phil website, it looks like it was a very well done and educating show. How wonderful!

http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/618

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Simon,

Thanks for letting me know how things are going. This may not be any consulation to you but you are expereincing the most pain at this point in your journey. It will get easier and not be so painful.

I'm sorry you have to go through this though.

Hugs

Judy

_________________

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller

US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Yes, it seems like the show would have been going towards removing the stigma, which is wonderful.

_________________

True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

-Jason Jordan

There was a first snow fall last Thursday in Canada's Capital Region, so I resumed cross-country skiing on the golf course behind the backyard with my 12-year daughter on the weekend. The exercise gave me a great stress relief. A few days later, however, all the snow melted due to a heavy rainfall.

I went to the Royal Ottawa Hospital for the depression research this afternoon for the last official weekly session. I am supposed to continue to receive free anti-depressant medication for 6 more months, so I made an appointment in 2 weeks.

I explained to my psychiatrist why I did not call last Wednesday, i.e., I lost the court case before it even started, but my wife saw a psychiatrist for a psychiatric evaluation at last!!!

Later, I forwarded the webpage URL of Dr. Phil Show "Schizophrenia" to the nurse who is a fan of Dr. Phil but missed that particular show on mental illness.

This year, I was dealt with quadruple blows, which had all been completely unexpected.

• Unilateral separation of my wife • A broken family • Stigma towards mental illness by my wife's parents • Court cases (child custody, psychiatric evaluation, etc.)

Besides severe depression, I also had 3 panic attacks due to the stress of the court cases.

My lawyer told me to have hope for the future because there is a strong possibility that my wife will follow through the psychiatric therapy and medical treatment with the psychiatrist who made the 90-minute psychiatric evaluation on her.

My 14-year old daughter told the court-appointed lawyer that she prefers to have 9 days with my wife and 5 days with me, while the other 2 kids prefer equal 7 days here and 7 days there. Naturally, I was disappointed by her bias.

_________________

Simon

It has been exactly 6 months since my wife left home. I am praying that she is indeed receiving psychiatric therapy and medical treatment from the psychiatrist who made the 90-minute psychiatric evaluation on my wife 2005-11-23.

I composed another letter (6th) to my wife. I hope that my lawyer will deliver them to her soon.

_________________

Simon

Although there was no visit to the Royal Ottawa Hospital this week, I was feeling relatively OK. Then, my lawyer's office sent me 2 documents from my wife's lawyer, demanding the separation of family assets. Naturally, I was very disturbed by the thought of having to sell the house, etc. It is very frustrating for me because my wife's lawyer treats the case just like other separation/divorce cases, without any consideration for mental health issue. Given the psychiatric evaluation on my wife that pointed out some psychiatric problems, I was expecting that my wife's lawyer would respect the necessity of psychiatric therapy and medical treatment for my wife.

As a licensed professional engineer, I must follow the Code of Ethics for any work. I cannot take unethical and immoral actions even though they are completely legal. I raised the concern about my wife's lawyer's behaviour to my lawyer.

I composed a letter to my wife's former friends who had given me advice.

_________________

Simon

The kids came back to the house Friday for another week of staying with me. They immediately noticed that I was depressed. Although I cannot discuss the details of the court cases with the kids, it is OK to talk about it if the kids ask me, according to the lawyers's agreement. Well, they asked me, and I explained to them that we may lose our house. They are as much upset as I am.

The kids told me that my wife would refuse a Christmas present from me because she firmly believes that I am against her. Well, it is a great news for me because it demonstrates that my wife indeed has the delusion of persecution.

The kids were asking: "What do you want us to do?" So, I wrote a note: "Make Mama see a doctor and take atypical anti-psychotic medication (Dopamine Agonist/Antagonist) to stop paranoid delusions."

_________________

Simon

I paid a follow-up visit to the Royal Ottawa Hospital for the depression research this afternoon. I found that I gained back 1 kg of weight, which is now 62 kg. I discussed the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) with the nurse.

The psychiatrist had told me that he used to work at the schizophrenia clinic. Today, he revealed to me that he quit the job because he burnt out dealing with so many schizophrenia patients every day.

To my surprise, he strongly advised me to change the direction, i.e., accept the separation and the broken family as a tragedy, then move on to the future rather than trying to recover the past. It seems that he honestly believes that it is better for me to let go since I have done everything I could to save my wife.

The doctor said that based on his experience, the schizophrenia patients will not make a complete recovery. Besides, the side effects will be very difficult, even with atypical anti-psychotic medication. So, he believes that I would be better off if my wife would not come back because it would be too painful for me.

He added that she will eventually expose herself, and that it is the healthy spouse who leaves in most schizophrenia cases. I mentioned that I went to the same university as his.

I sent an E-mail message to my lawyer asking her to deliver the 6 letters to my wife that have been accumulating over the last 3 months, and to give me a permission to send a letter to my wife's former friends.

_________________

Simon

Last week, I installed Skype software on my iMac computer to eventually replace the telephone. Since then, I had one meaningful conversation with someone in the U.K., but I was getting many unsolicited contact requests. My goal was to use Skype for my business, but it seems that people from foreign countries are using the VoIP application to learn other languages. So, I disabled the "Skype Me" mode.

Just in case my psychiatrist's advice to start a new life is indeed the best direction for me, I started looking around for a new spouse to replace my wife at numerous match finder websites on the Internet:

• http://ca.personals.yahoo.com/ • http://www.match.com/ • http://www.date.ca/ • http://www.date.com/ • http://personals.canada.com/ • http://www.lavalife.com/ • http://www.canadianpersonals.net/ • http://www.canadianmatcher.com/ • http://www.frenchfriendfinder.com/ • http://www.true.com/ • http://www.mate1.com/ • http://www.someonenew.com/ • http://www.flirtbox.ca/ • ...

I found a great match (22 points out of 25) with a 36-year old woman (a fellow engineer) in Burnaby, BC.

• lollaa33 (Frenchfriendfinder.com, 36, Burnaby, BC) -> Maybe -> Rejection

_________________

Simon

Realising that most chat and voice calls were from the opposite sex, I re-activated the "Skype Me" mode for fun last week. Since then, I received unsolicited chat and voice calls from about 6 young women from China, 1 woman from Poland, 1 woman from Brazil, 1 woman from the Philippines, 1 woman from Algeria, 1 woman from Morocco, 1 nurse from England, and 1 nurse from Ottawa, ON. One married Chinese woman even sent me her photo without my asking. Only a few men contacted me.

After 6 months of separation, my mood has shifted from "desperate" and "hopeless" to "exasperated" and "expired". I am still waiting for my lawyer to send the 5 letters to my wife and 1 letter to my wife's former friends. After that, I will have exhausted all my resources in my strategy book, so only time will tell how things will evolve.

The kids will come back tomorrow, but it will be a white but quiet Christmas. The only gift that I can afford to give the kids is a bag of chocolate. To make it fun, I put each bag in a balloon. It will be impossible for them to get the chocolate without puncturing the balloon :-).

_________________

Simon

It was a quiet Christmas day. The kids were watching Smallville (TV programme with some episodes with paranoid delusions) on DVD the whole day, and I was minding my own business. The kids brought back the birthday gift and the Christmas gift that I gave to my wife. It shows her high level of hostility against me, which is delusion of persecution.

I continue to look for a new mate on various match finder websites. These days, I stay up until 03:00 or 04:00 every morning reviewing hundreds of women's profiles on the Internet. I found many doctors, lawyers and professors, but there are few scientists and engineers with whom I could be more comfortable.

Unfortunately, I received a rejection from lollaa33 whom I thought was a match made in heaven. Meanwhile, women from Africa and Asia are contacting me in great numbers, trying to get into North America by bogus marriage. Importing an obedient blonde woman from Russia may not be a bad idea :-).

I finally had a chance to watch the movie "The Truman Show (1998)" with the kids. I agree with the reviewer's comment that the main character's experience of being the unaware star of a lifelong TV show must be something akin to what it must be like to be schizophrenic or paranoid and delusional.

_________________

Simon