Surveillance and Spying [DRAFT]
It was a quiet New Year's Day, alone without the kids. My wife and the kids are visiting my wife's parents, even though she does not really wanted to go.
2 days ago, I received a telephone call from an old family friend who became concerned when I replied to their electronic Christmas message saying simply that I was in a personal crisis. He said that he was also chronically depressed, due partly to his childhood abuse. He has been under anti-depressant medication (Effexor), and his condition is under control. I was impressed that their extended family are open and has no stigma towards mental illness whatsoever.
Looking for a new soul-mate on the Internet has become a preoccupation for me. I have even signed up at one website for $15 CAD/month so that I can send and receive messages. With such a hope (false or true), my depression is under control. Instead, I now have an addiction problem and obsessive-compulsive disorder!
My lifestyle is now totally disorganised. I stay up until 03:00 or 04:00 searching for women. I chat with foreign women on Skype. I sleep in front of the TV every night. I eat a breakfast in the early afternoon, and a supper late at night. I drink 3 or 4 glasses of wine every day. I often stay in pyjamas all day and all night. I take a shower and shave only once or twice a week.
_________________
Simon
I paid another follow-up visit to the Royal Ottawa Hospital for the depression research this afternoon. I found that I gained back another 1 kg of weight, which is now 63 kg. Eating peanuts frequently day and night has helped a lot.
I told the psychiatrist that my depression is almost well under control thanks to his advice the last time, but I had developed 3 new problems, i.e., suspiciousness about his motive, addiction to match finder websites, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
He continued to advise me to prepare for the worst-case scenario. The best approach is to keep my wife out of my life so that she cannot reflect her paranoid delusions back to me. This way, she is likely to expose herself when she is alone. Also, he wanted me to reshape my life.
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Simon
It is my birthday today. I received a telephone call from an old friend of mine since my university graduate school days, and I expressed my sincere gratitude for his moral support during a very difficult period for me.
He told me that his sister's husband revealed, after 20 years of marriage and 2 kids, that he was gay, and he left the family a few years ago. I was completely shocked because he had exhibited no sign of homosexuality at all. In fact, he was looking around for other women (than his wife) when we went to a lake or a pool together more than 10 years ago. My friend told me that his sister is still bitter towards her ex-husband about the separation, and I told my friend that I now understand her feeling in such a situation very well.
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Simon
I noted another difficult case of mental illness of a spouse.
faithfullf wrote:|
My husband has schizophrenia and so far has refused to go anywhere to get the help that he needs. I am positive that it is schizophrenia or the like as his symptoms fit the illness. Last year at this time he started acting weirder than usual and then he came home one day and said that he didn't want to be married any more or be a father any more and walked out the door. He came and went for a few weeks and things got really bad. He said that he was cheating on me and had a girlfriend and I had to deal with it or lose him. He was spending 20 to 50 dollars a day on his pay as you go cell phone and talked on it all the time all day long. I couldn't understand what was going on with him. Then one day I told him that I found out who his girlfriend was and it was about time that her husband knew what was going on too. He went stark raving mad and riped up paper and the phone book and pulled the phone out of the wall. Still at this point I didn't know what I was dealing with and wish that I knew then what I know now cause he said that he wanted to put his hands around my neck and squeeze until I wasn't breathing any more and so I told him to do it. And he came at me. When his hands touched my neck I reacted and he ended up across the room. Then he some how took it as I was trying to deliberately hurt him and kicked me so hard with his shoes on that from March of 2005 to jan 2006 part of the bruise is still visible. I got out of the house and got my children's attention and somehow knew that if they seen that he was trying to hurt me that they would help me some how. By the time he got me back into the house he had calmed down a bit and I could see that there was shock in his face. Now instead of calling the police on him then I tried to get him some help and we went to the crisis intervention at the hospital and hoped that they could help us. He wanted help at this point. With the counselor we discussed what had happened and I told her that something was wrong with him. I had explained that it was like dr. jeckel and mr. hide, some kind of multiple personality or something and she said that there was nothing wrong with him and set him up with anger management classes. And he was put on a 8 month to a year list to see a shrink. That didn't work at all, his first appointment got cancelled when he was on his way to the appointment and never made another one. Things got worse and he slipped further away and on his birthday I got really upset when he blamed me that it was all my fault that he had to work so much and never got enough sleep and I was working two almost full time jobs to support our two children and pay the bills, we were sparated since March and he was not helping me at all by the summer. I still loved him through it all and still do to this day, but things were getting harder for me. Our kids were having more difficulty dealing with everything and their grades were slipping. So by June on his birthday when he came at my house to watch the kids while I worked grave yard shift at Tim Hortins he was on the phone all night long or at least til 3:30 in the morning at my house talking to what I thought was a grilfriend and when I got home in the morning I lost it. All my anger went on his cell phone. He grabbed my phone to call for a cab and when he did that I went out the back door with it and did the football smash on the pavement. He was angry and came after me of course and then went back for his phone. I came in the front door and he came in the back and he had put the phone back together and the flippin thing worked. I lost it again and told him he was not leaving that house with it working. And we scuffled. The kids were still sleeping and woke up to this. There was months of hurt that was all bottled up in me and I thought it was all the phone and an addiction to it or something and it was coming between him and the kids and me and him and I had to fight so hard to pay the bills. It wasn't easy. I had over the last few years been diagnosed with depression myself and fibromylgia and chrinic fatigue, chronic compound migraine headaches and was told thad my whole lower back was pretty much toast. So I took all my anger out on the phone but during that scuffle I was tossed around a bit and he protected his precious phone with his life and left with it and I was pretty banged up. I called the police and had him charged with the first assault and was ready to take the blame for the second but he was charged with them both and the separation bond was placed so that he had to stay away from me. But during my interview with the police I told them that there is something wrong with him, I know he is not a criminal and I explained that I thought it was some kind of multiple personality. Well I was absolutely destroyed that I had tried to get him some help and it did not work. I tried calling the mental health department and told them he needs to see someone now not in 6 months, and got nothing. About 6 weeks or so after the separation order I began talking to him on the phone against orders, because who is going to help him if I don't. There is a much bigger story where he is concerned. What had flared up this schizophrenic episode was that back in Nov of 2004 he had began to remember his child hood and it wasn't nice. That was when he bagan toi not sleep at all. By January and Febuary he couldn't sleep in our bed. He was given up for adoption at the age of three and separated from his 7 brothers and sisters and mom and dad and his life changed forever. Then within the foster system he was repeatedly abused sexually by men and some women and when he acted out he was passed on to the next one. At the age of 7 he was given the shock treatment when he acted out too much and became I guess uncontrolable. For almost 14 years we have been together and now all of the pieces are fitting together and I do understand my husband. He has talked to me of the voices and the noise in his head. He still can't sleep in a bed. I have done extensive research into boys that were sexually abused, but now realize after many sleepless nights trying to figure out my husband that what we are dealing with is schizophrenia. He comes over to the house all of the time and he calls me all the time and he is doing much better now and beginning to sleep some after a year of this not sleeping. In the summer he looked so aweful it was hard for me to see him like that. He had lost well over 50 lbs. His face was all sunken in. I missed a major detail up above. This is such a big story it is hard to put all the pieces together in the right place in an article such as this. But.............here it is. It was in early march I guess that I learned about the sexual abuse, always knew but I didn't know and waited for him to talk about it. When he did we went to a doctor and he was prescribed an antidepresant. The doctor looked right at me and told me that he might get violent on these. Shortly after starting to take them he began to shake all over and then he couldn't sleep at all, not more than 20 min. at a time and not more than an hour ro so a day. And that is when things got even worse. He was still on these when he tried to put his hand around my neck. But now he does know that he has a mental illnes and he has known for some time now. I believe he has had this since he was a child. We now know that mental health issues do run in the family and most of the 10 all together have some kind of mental health issues of one form or another. His life is complicated and now he won't even think of coming home because he is afraid to hurt us. I told him that getting himself into the hospital and getting on meds is the way to go but he does't ant the extended stay in the hospital and he does not want the diagnosis of being a schizophrenic and he does not want to be on a disability. I know that it won't be easy at all but I feel that it will be better than what we have been through. I am willing to walk this road with him and so are the kids, one is 10 and the other is 12 both girls. We love him as he is mental illness and all. He has done a couple of really weird things that hurt really bad. #1 he wasn't eating and I took him dinner at work and when he was done at 12 midnight I waited for him because we had to talk about some bill thing. I asked to speak to him and he pretty much told me to buz off that he had a hot date. I tried to deal with it and tried to call him some hours later and he hung up on me. I went to crisis intervention cause I just didn't understand. There I was basically told to give up on him, that I can still love him but to give up it is useless. He called me the next day like nothing had happened and I asked him how his date was and he said there wasn't one he was out with friends and I asked him why he told me that and he said he didn't know. I love him and I am still here. #2 He called me one day in a panic and left message on my phone to call back. (in the fall he started paying my support and now in the winter he has really stepped up to the plate to help me out in any way that he can) but on this day when I called him back he was not himself and asked if I havd been into our account and taken all his money. He uses our joint account and I don't touch it unless I have permission,I have my own that I use. I told him that I didn't touch it, he said the money is all gone his whole pay check was gone, his rent money and the money that he was going to give me. So I told him I would got ho the bank and streighten it all out. Two hours had passed before I had got there and I was really freeked out, my hydro was going to be disconnected if I didn't have that payment and we needed food in the house something bad. I went to the side counter and explained my story, she checked the account and said that there was 260.00 dollars in there and that some one had taken out another 260.00 earlier that day. I was shaking my head, I didn't understand. By this point I was a basket case and they took me to the side to use the phone to call my husband, there was two of them at this point trying to calm me down. I was still thinking that he had some kind of multiple personality disorder or dissociatieve disorder as the new terminoligy is. I called him as said "do you want to check with your personalities cause some one is lieing and someone took money out of your account today." He said ya I took the money out of the account today and I have it in my pocket to give you. I still don't understand this one and maybe there is still some kind of personilitly disorder there too given his sexual abuse as a child, it is a coping mechanism as a child but becomes a mental health issue as an adult. My husband is a coplex rubex cube that is all scrwed up and I and going to put it right some how and some way. There is a driving force somewhere deep with in me that keeps me searching for answers and every day I get a little further. My love for him is very deep, my heart still flutters when it is his voice I hear on the phone and I get goose bumps when we accidentially touch. At this point there is no romantic involvement no hugs no kisses, but I tell him every day how much I love him and how much I refuse to give up on him. He thinks he is not worth it but I prosist. Now he is thinking about getting the help that he needs but is still very much afraid to do it. And I am here now looking for help. |
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Simon
I continue to reconnect with old friends with whom I have lost contact over the years. I was saddened to learn that a friend's brother is also going through a separation/divorce in which the situation is very similar to mine, with a mental health issue (depression). After many years of marriage, his wife left saying that she did not love him any more. Despite his efforts to keep the family together, she hired a lawyer and his wife's parents are now blaming him after years of amicable relationship.
Some of my friends turned out to be intimately familiar with mental health issues, although I had never suspected that they were having problems with depression in their family. As such, they have no stigma whatsoever towards mental illness. I now have a feeling of regret that I had not contacted them immediately when I became aware of my wife's mental illness.
Here is a book that a dear friend of mine highly recommended for my own self-care. I immediately purchased the electronic version.
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• Escaping Emotional Entrapment: Freedom From Negative Thinking and Unhealthy Emotions • Pax Publishing (2001) • Rutley, Daniel • ISBN 0-9687409-0-1 • eBooks.com <http://www.ebooks.com/ebooks/book_display.asp?IID=109719> • $10.25 USD |
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Simon
Year 2005 was in no doubt annus horribilis for me. I experienced living hell...
My depression has been replaced by addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Here is the URL of the webpage which contains a 7-minute video: "Quest for perfection".
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• http://us.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/conditions/01/16/btsc.cohen/ |
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Simon
There was a conflict of conferences between "Les troubles anxieux: Évauation et traitement" at le Centre hospitalier Pierre-Janet and "A Canadian Mental Health Champion Bill MacPhee's personal journey of recovery" at the Royal Ottawa Hospital, both at 19:00. Since Bill MacPhee's talk dealt with schizophrenia, I went to the Royal Ottawa Hospital with my 12-year old daughter.
Bill MacPhee discussed positive symptoms and negative symptoms of schizophrenia from his own difficult experiences. He even went outside naked in the winter, believing that Scotty of Star Trek (The Original Series) would beam him up somewhere! The police was called a few times, and he was hospitalised a few times.
The most important point I got from his talk is that the nature of the disease is that you cannot reason with the patient, and that the logic does not work, exactly as I experienced with my wife. He said that the approach to deal with the patient is "tough love", exactly as I tried with the court order. He gave a consoling message to me that it is normal that the people around the patient get upset because of the disease, exactly as I behaved when I threw a drinking glass into the kitchen sink and breaking it in anger (without causing any harm to anyone).
I believe that he has enough integrity and credibility to qualify as a champion of mental health advocacy in Canada. I recorded the entire talk on a digital recorder, so I did not buy the DVD that he was selling in order to raise fund for his advocacy. However, I volunteered for an E-mail campaign that he is organising.
My daughter told me after the talk that she had not been completely sure about my wife's diagnostics, but now she is certain that it is schizophrenia. I will have my 2 other kids listen to the recording soon. She also remarked that normally the couple is unhappy while they are together and become happy after the separation, but it is the other way around in our family's case.
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Simon
Hello Simon,
Yes, indeed you had a bad year, but you went for help. That is a very positive attitude.
Could your OCDs have been triggered by the medication for your depression ? They then could disappear once your depression lifts, and your medication is reduced ?
I am only repeating what I have heard others say. Hang on !
Hey Simon!
I was just thinking about you recently and was wondering how you were.
Dealing with these kinds of difficult life circumstances can make a mess out of all of us, Simon.
I go into extreme self care when things are most out of control.
We all cope in different ways and different time frames and as long as you are not self destructing as a coping strategy, like drinking alcohol, and it's not harming anyone else then be at peace with it.
Have you watched a funny movie lately? A good laugh is good for what ails you.
May you find some peaceful moments throughout your day.
_________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)
I paid a monthly routine follow-up visit to the Royal Ottawa Hospital for the depression research this afternoon. I found that I re-gained another 2 kg of weight to be 65 kg, or just 1 kg short of my ideal pre-depression weight.
I explained to my doctor and to my nurse that despite several setbacks in my business, including my bank's last-minute refusal to give me a line of credit just before a deadline with a marketing company, I did not plunge back into depression at all. So, I suggested a reduction of anti-depressant medication.
I said that my addiction to Internet dating websites still persists but I am no longer staying up until 04:00 in the morning in my obsessive-compulsive behaviour. Even though I know that lead acetate is somewhat toxic, I started using Grecian Formula to darken my white hair. The nurse told me that I should realise that young women are attracted to white hair, so I am stopping the application of Grecian Formula.
The kids were staying 3 days longer this week because my wife went on a business trip to Dallas, TX. I am almost certain that she felt somebody following her to spy on her, just like in her several previous trips to the U.S.A. I watched a film "Stepmom (1998)" with the kids. It is now possible that this type of situation may become a reality in our family...
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Simon
I now have a feeling of satisfaction that I have done everything I could to save my wife and our family. It is reassuring that despite the public denial by my wife's parents who have enormous stigma towards mental illness, more than 20 people know the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth.
My lawyer demanded yet another $2 000 CAD, so the total payment has now reached $6 000 CAD. Initially, she quoted $3 000 CAD to $4 000 CAD for the entire process. Since my wife contested the Requête for a psychiatric evaluation, the lawyer's fee skyrocketed. Since my lawyer achieved the goal without the oral hearing at the court, I am not opposed to the fees, as long as my wife continues the psychiatric treatment as my lawyer indicated. If not, all my efforts will have been an enormous waste of time and money...
My wife and I both received a letter from la Commission des services juridiques, saying that we will have to each pay 1/2 the cost of the kids's lawyers fees, too. It is so sad beyond belief that my wife's mental illness not only destroyed the happy family but also ruined the finances of both of us.
So, my financial crisis is deepening, but I am not panicking with anxiety, probably because of the anti-depressant medication and of the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) by my psychiatrist.
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Simon
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Hello Simon, Yes, indeed you had a bad year, but you went for help. That is a very positive attitude. |
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Hey Simon! I was just thinking about you recently and was wondering how you were. Dealing with these kinds of difficult life circumstances can make a mess out of all of us, Simon. |
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She still does not understand what is going on and she keeps digging herself deeper into trouble. That is really sad but there is nothing else I can do. I am now the ennemy and believe me, when she goes to war she goes to war. Nothing is forbidden. Now, once everything will be finally over I will be more explicit on what happened if that can help someone. I think I will also try to attend some support group to explain to others what we went trough and the emotions and uncertainties I have experienced. I will also try to share all the tricks I have tried, the path I have followed in trying to get her (or us) help. If can help someone to reduce the time it takes to figure out that sometime there is no other option then going through a separation that would be great. |
Please know that your concerns are greatly appreciated! Thanks to your encouragement, I am surviving OK now. My sense of humour is coming back, but so are jokes in bad taste (occasionally).
A lot has happened to me since I stopped participating in the forum 2005-11-03 due to my lawyer's orders. I even made a suicide attempt in November...
The embargo is still in effect because my wife is trying to secure 1/2 of the assets, including the house. Her paranoid delusion convinced herself that everything I have done for her is an attack on her. My lawyer is trying to get my wife to accept treatment by the doctor who conducted the 90-minute psychiatric evaluation back in November.
I continue to write down the events and my feelings as they occur, like a blog. My hope is that the story would somehow be published someday in order to help others in similar situations. Until then, please keep the following URL private.
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• http://www.hyperinfo.ca/Auction/SurveillanceAndSpying.html |
Here is the audio of Bill MacPhee's conference "A Canadian Mental Health Champion Bill MacPhee's personal journey of recovery" at the Royal Ottawa Hospital last week.
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• http://www.hyperinfo.ca/Auction/2006-01-25.mp4 (starts out in poor quality, but it improves!) |
Here are a couple of very short videos for your interest.
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• http://www.hyperinfo.ca/Auction/MOV02011.mp4 (2006-01-22: my 15-year old daughter's figure skating) • http://www.hyperinfo.ca/Auction/MOV02022.mp4 (2006-02-03: my 16-year old son's guitar concert) |
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Simon
Of course, I'll keep the URLs private, I actually have to figure out how to open the video ones. Think of your kids, they need you.
I'll let you know when I manage to open the videos. Meanwhile hang on
Oh Simon.....I'm so sorry to hear just how difficult your life has become. It happens to all of us who go through this nightmare. It just seems unreal sometimes that things can go from bad to worse when you think they can't get any worse.
Simon, "thank God for medication", is something I have told myself at times, because there have been times when I just felt like it was never going to end.
You have to be here for your kids, Simon. They NEED you so remember this when you get to feeling like the only way out of your pain is through death. As hard as it may be able to fathom at this time for you...things do get better. There is an end to the tunnel...you just don't see the light yet!
I understand your lawyers need to inform you of the dangers of talking about your case while it is in process but you need support, Simon...you need to talk about whats happening so you can get it out of your head for a bit. Do you attend an in person support group? I think that would be very helpful for you, Simon so you can talk about what you are going through. Because your situation is unusual (it is for any of us dealing with psychois) it is more difficult to use the usual coping strategies of people dealing with separation and divorce issues.
Maybe that is an area that you could develop some support resources for....thinking in the terms of future when you are feeling not so overwhelmed. I don't know of any and feel somewhat helpless with how to support you and others in this very situation. I think there may be differences for men and women with relationship needs in regards to going through separation, but add mental illness in a spouse that's leaving and you have a whole new "world" there, I think. I have often thought that a dating service just for family members who are coping with mental illness in their families would be a very useful thing!
I belong to an e-mail support group for families of people dealing with the criminal justice system in a serious way. Because this is something that happens less often in the world of mental illness, an e-mail support group allowed people who lived at a distance to be able to get support from each other. Would that seem like something you might like to start for people with spouses who are seperating because of mental illness or something along that line?
Let me know I will introduce you what this kind of group looks like and how they work.
_________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)
I could not get the videos of you kids to play
_________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)
Simon,
Waiting to here a reply from the last e-mail I sent you about the e-mail support idea.
Also could not access your videos
Cheers
Judy
_________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)
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I could not get the videos of you kids to play |
MPEG-4 is a new file format which may not be supported by old web browsers. So, I uploaded the following 2 files that should play fine. Due to the large file size, however, I will remove them after 1 week or so from now.
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• http://www.hyperinfo.ca/Auction/MOV02011.mpg (2006-01-22: my 15-year old daughter's figure skating) • http://www.hyperinfo.ca/Auction/MOV02022.mpg (2006-02-03: my 16-year old son's guitar concert) |
_________________
Simon
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Oh Simon.....I'm so sorry to hear just how difficult your life has become. It happens to all of us who go through this nightmare. It just seems unreal sometimes that things can go from bad to worse when you think they can't get any worse. Simon, "thank God for medication", is something I have told myself at times, because there have been times when I just felt like it was never going to end. You have to be here for your kids, Simon. They NEED you so remember this when you get to feeling like the only way out of your pain is through death. As hard as it may be able to fathom at this time for you...things do get better. There is an end to the tunnel...you just don't see the light yet! I understand your lawyers need to inform you of the dangers of talking about your case while it is in process but you need support, Simon...you need to talk about whats happening so you can get it out of your head for a bit. Do you attend an in person support group? I think that would be very helpful for you, Simon so you can talk about what you are going through. Because your situation is unusual (it is for any of us dealing with psychois) it is more difficult to use the usual coping strategies of people dealing with separation and divorce issues. |
As the latter part of my posts (now a private journal) reveals, I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, although the light is not at the end that was expected. After my lawyer's order to leave the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum, I participated in a few local family support meetings which I found to be quite helpful in venting my feelings but not in resolving any issues.
Lance per Simon's post:|
When I applied for a divorce, I could honestly say to my self, "I have tried everything, every idea, every avenue, every suggestion that came my way, and I can do no more nor take no more". If you can look in the mirror in the morning and say that, then there is nothing left to do. |
I have reached the stage that the only remaining hope for saving the marriage and the family is my 6 letters to my wife that my lawyer is keeping until the time is right to deliver to her.
The separation and the destruction of a happy family are indeed very difficult for the kids, whose welfare must be the top priority. However, the spouse has extra issues which make the situation extremely difficult and unbearable, as Oscar has remarked more than once. Here are the ones in my case.
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• loss of a best friend • loss of a sex partner • loss of a financial partner • loss of a chores partner • loss of a driving partner • loss of an activity partner • stigma of the in-laws (obnoxious nanobrain monsters) • ... |
Judy, your message made me have a moment of reflection, and review what you said last 2005-09 which is almost 6 months ago. I rejected your comments back then, but they stayed subconsciously in the back of my mind.
Indigo Blue wrote 2005-09-14:|
As I had mentioned to you in the past, I have a friend who is dealing with a husband who has a delusional disorder. This is very difficult because he does not have other symptoms of the illness but his delusions are keeping him from work and interfering in family functioning. The problem that would come with a forced hospitalization and treatment would be an intrenched belief in the delusion of being poisened and followed and watched by certain people. The delsuion would then include anyone who was a part of the treatment. It really is a catch 22 because there is nothing that will change her husbands belief (it is very real to him and it is impossible to convince him otherwise) except medication. There does come a point where you have to decide how much of your life to put into a relationship that is not what you want it to be, Simon. One year, 5 yrs, 10 yrs 15 yrs or the rest of your life? It really is up to you and you will know when the time has come to let it go and get on with your life. |
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This may not seem like it's possible to you at this time, but....it will get better. Even if your situation does not turn out the way you would like it to, you will have more peace in your life. You also have to work hard at making life your better though. It's not fair....I know. My brothers wife left him with two daughters because she was having a relationship with another married man. My brother did not have a clue as to why his wife needed to have time alone to think about their marriage...until 6 mths later when he caught them together. Those 6mths were the worst 6 mths of his life but when he realized what was going on he started to get on with his life too. He has been with his second wife for ten years now and they sure do seem to be happy to me. I know your circumstances are different and I'm not trying to tell you to get a new wife, just showing an example of how life works when we think it's all over. |
Remarkably, I find myself finding peace, thanks to many pieces of advice from the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum and from dear old friends, and an instruction from my psychiatrist to make a 180-degree change of direction.
The reorientation is even leading me to a possibility of getting a new wife! After checking thousands of women's profiles fantasising my future (and also getting many rejections) since December, a mutual match from Date.com seems very promising. The blonde lady in Toronto, ON, from the former Soviet Union is 10 years younger than I am. Although we are still in an initial chatting stage, she may be the key to recover my happiness and rebuild a new family life together. I have not yet disclosed to her that I am infertile because of vasectomy, but I am willing to undergo an expensive reversal operation. However, in-vitro fertilisation may be a better choice considering that I may need a re-reversal later on...
I had my kids watch a film "Stepmom (1998)" in order to sensitise them to the potential of a possible outcome and an exciting future.
Meanwhile, my 16-year old son is formulating a theory that fear triggers/causes biochemical imbalance in the brain (high dopamine level), which leads to paranoid delusions and/or other mental disorders. In my wife's case, it is the perception of how others view her that is causing the fear, according to my son.
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Simon
Hi Simon,
now I get a message that Microsoft is looking at the problem I am having at trying to open your video....reading messages from a machine, could be as unnerving as hearing voices.. You must be very very proud of your kids, and with reason. They must be very courageous too and talented.
I'll keep trying and will let you know when I succeed
Last night, I suddenly became sad after the kids left for a week at my wife's apartment. I cried for the first time in several weeks even though there was no particular reason other than the reduction of anti-depressant medication which is provided to me free of charge. If I am not off the medication in 3 months from now, however, the provincial prescription drug plan will pay only about 60 % of the cost.
It was a beautiful sunny day with no wind, so I went cross-country skiing this afternoon on the golf course. Things are finally looking up, and I have a great social life with many women in cyberspace. In Skype, I met a former owner of 3 Tim Hortons restaurants in QC now living in ON [fr], a trainer in a department store chain in Denver, CO [en], a divorced nurse in the U.K. [en], a married accountant in Poland [en], a civil engineer in Peru [en], a young office worker in Vietnam [fr], a young married librarian in China [en], etc. I ignore or block most contacts from the male sex :-).
Since I started looking around for a replacement spouse 2005-12-15, I have checked out thousands of profiles on 10 match-making websites, often staying up late every night until 04:00. I have received many rejections from pretty blonde women who are basically looking for fun rather than the meaning of life or contribution to human civilisation. I initiated contact with the following women to pursue a serious relationship.
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• absinth27 (Date.ca, 28, Ottawa, ON) -> No response • carolina1FB1 (Date.ca, 28, Ottawa, ON) -> Rejection • sunmist3344 (Date.ca, 31, Ottawa, ON) -> No response • 52810977 (Date.ca, 30, Orleans, ON) -> No response • mariasuper (Date.ca, 27, U.S.A./Russia) -> No response • sweetyangela (Flirtbox.ca, 26, Ottawa, ON) -> Fake profile! • sweetj29B82 (Date.ca, 26, Mississauga, ON) -> No response • Silverjoydrop (Date.ca, 29, Toronto, ON) -> No response • juliechem (Date.ca, 28, Ottawa, ON) -> No response • Vicki73 (Date.ca, 33, Ottawa, ON) -> No response • TorontoNewbie (Yahoo.ca, 33, Toronto, ON) -> No response • Irene (Yahoo.ca, 37, Montreal, QC) -> No response • DiverGal2 (Match.com, 44, Toronto, ON) -> Maybe not • PrettyKate (Match.com, 30, Ph.D., Greece) -> No response • waterplan (Match.com, 37, Calgary, AB) -> No response • OutandAbout25 (Match.com, 25, Surrey, BC) -> No response • emeraldwhiskers (Match.com, 38, Vancouver, BC) -> Rejection • sunsetmorning (Match.com, 34, Aylmer, QC) -> No response • doudou37 (Match.com, 38, Gatineau, QC) -> Rejection • deedeelynng (Match.com, 33, North York, ON) -> No response • VivaciousVikki (Match.com, 39, Thornhill, ON) -> No response • Mellow1975 (Match.com, 31, Pierrefonds, QC) -> No response • 2diana (Match.com, 30, Gatineau, QC) -> Fake profile! • rondiel (Date.com, 36, Toronto, ON) -> Maybe not • ms_web (Match.com, 38, Drumheller, AB) -> Connection! -> No response -> Maybe |
I chatted with rondiel, a 36-year old blonde woman in Toronto, ON, but the enthusiasm does not seem to exist. However, ms_web, a 38-year old self-employed blonde lady in Drumheller, AB, seems to be a great match, and we have had frequent E-mail correspondence in which she appreciates my honesty and a sense of humour. Now, I am falling in love with her, and am dreaming of visiting AB and/or of her visiting QC, to meet a potential second soul-mate in my life.
If ms_web turns out to be a perfect mutual match, my mental-health problems (depression, addiction, obsessive-compulsive disorder) and a physical-health problem (complete lack of exercise in bed) will all come to an end for good. Although there will be many logistical challenges, "where there is a will, there is a way".
If we can co-operate in our ventures, my financial crisis will be over, too. Then, if I gave a hundred thousand dollars to my wife (provided that she not use any money for her parents) to thank her for the past patience with me, she might try to begin to understand that I have had absolutely nothing against her but love, and would seek psychiatric therapy and medical treatment in order to come back to her senses...
Please wish me luck!
_________________
Simon
It is Saint Valentine's Day today. Despite the continuing financial crisis, I am happy with my future prospect. Although the junk-food consumption is up, alcohol consumption is down, so I am getting healthier, too.
I received greetings from many women on Skype. The married accountant in Poland said hello. The civil engineer in Peru confessed to me that she is madly in love with me! The young office worker in Vietnam said that she seriously likes me a lot. The single mother in ON is romantically interested in me, too. I even received a cybersex offer from a female stranger in Poland!
Meanwhile, I sent an passionate love letter to ms_web in AB, expressing my sincere hope that the long-distance relationship will eventually work out.
So, I am in a serious trouble of a love polygon. What do I do? Help!
_________________
Simon
This past weekend was very prolific for my kids, i.e., 3 medals and 1 belt. Friday night, my 15-year old daughter won a silver medal for her solo performance at a figure skating competition in Masson-Anger, QC. She missed a double salchow and fell, but the rest of the programme was great. Sunday morning, she won a gold medal in a group competition. Meanwhile, my 12-year old daughter won a gold medal in a chess tournament Sunday afternoon in Ottawa, ON. Also, my 16-year old son passed the test for a black belt of karaté in Laval, QC, where he went with my wife. As for me, although I was very proud of the kids's achievements, I was driving the kids all over the place and being a recipient of their numerous complaints, so it was boring, tiring and irritating.
My 15-year old daughter has been staying 5 days with me and 9 days with my wife. For many weeks, I have done my best to satisfy the conditions for her to modify the arrangement to make it equitable. I found out that she still had no intention of changing the arrangement, so I became quite upset. I drove wildly, and I broke and threw a few things (at the floor) in the house. Although there was no violence or even shouting whatsoever, I became silent and stopped replying to the kids's questions.
I know that it may sound irrational and unreasonable to the observers, but imagine my feeling of betrayal after enduring so much pain and suffering last year. For almost 20 years, I have not had a "life" of my own because I dedicated my life to building up my family. I not only lost my wife to mental illness but am being abandoned by my own kids...
_________________
Simon
My feeling of being abandoned by my own 15-year old daughter was so strong that I vented my frustration to the other 2 kids. I know that it was painful for the kids, of course, but I felt that they did not realise how much more painful the separation has been for me.
I am experiencing that sadness is back, probably because of the reduced dosage of anti-depressant medication. I end up crying once in a while.
Unfortunately, ms_web seems to have lost interest in me despite a number of E-mail exchanges and my sending her a gift. I may have made a mistake in being too honest and revealing too much about my faults...
So, back to round zero. I am renewing my search efforts and initiated contact with the following women to pursue a serious relationship.
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• DropOfEternity (Match.com, 30, Toronto, ON) -> No response • poppy1234 (Match.com, 31, Ottawa, ON) -> No response • sleepingbeutie68 (Match.com, 37, Mississauga, ON) -> No response • watergirl58FD (Date.ca, 38, Laval, QC) -> Rejection • kittyDCEF1 (Date.ca, 34, Ottawa, ON) -> No response • boxinggrrl (Date.ca, 36, Ottawa, ON) -> Maybe -> Rejection • jessikanice (Date.com, 31, Toronto, ON) -> Fake profile! |
_________________
Simon
I paid a monthly routine follow-up visit to the Royal Ottawa Hospital for the depression research this afternoon. I found that my weight is now back to pre-depression level of 67 kg, which is 1 kg more than my ideal weight of 66 kg. So, I now have to worry about overweight due to excessive consumption of junk food.
I explained to my doctor and to my nurse that although the side-effect of the medication has diminished, deep sadness is back, so I cried in tears reflecting the events of the past year. They indicated that it is due to the reduction of anti-depressant medication last month, so the dosage is back to the maximum level.
I attended a meeting of L'Apogée (Association pour parents et amis de la personne ayant un problème de santé mentale) this evening. Me Suzanne Séguin (avocate) made a presentation about the patient's rights. However, the bottom-line message is exactly the same, i.e., if the patient poses no danger, nothing can be done legally. I made a comment that mental illness is different from Jehovah's Witnesses who refuse blood transfusion. In their case, the patient can use logic to make up his/her own mind. In the case of mental illness, the patient has no logic.
I questioned about the Code of Ethics for lawyers, but her answer was that the lawyers's job is to represent a client, so there is nothing that directs the lawyer to suggest to the client that he/she needs psychiatric therapy. She became uneasy and was actively avoiding eye contact with me at this point, so my conclusion is that most lawyers are indeed blood-sucking vampires without ethics.
My lawyer called me to make an appointment for an explanation of divorce proceedings. I told her about the lack of any progress about my wife's psychiatric therapy which she is still refusing. My lawyer authorised me to send 6 E-mail messages to my wife and 1 E-mail message to her former friends. The letters which have been held up since September 2005, are really the last hope for getting my wife to seek professional help.
_________________
Simon
A Russian woman who saw my profile in match.com sent me a message, and we started to correspond via E-mail. The chemistry between us is extremely good already, and I hope that the physics, biology and mathematics will be very good, too. :-)
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• singleone222k (Match.com, 34, U.S.A./Russia) -> Connection! -> Scam! |
She was an orphan, but is now a surgeon at a city hospital on the shore of Lake Baikal near Irkutsk in Siberia. Sponsoring a doctor to come to Canada would make a great service to Canadian society which is suffering from a severe shortage of doctors. Besides, I will gain literally an in-house family doctor! I have not yet disclosed to her that I am infertile because of vasectomy, but she would be able to do the reversal operation, which is not covered by medicare, on me for free. :-)
Bill MacPhee of the Schizophrenia Digest disclosed during the conference 2006-01-25 that he imported a mail-order bride from the Philippines and that he is very happy now. The match via the match.com website is turning out to be an efficient way to achieve happiness for me. Besides, the fact that my match is an orphan means that there are no obnoxious nanobrain in-laws who may betray my trust to inflict extreme pain and suffering on me!!_________________
Simon
When the kids came back, they said that after reading 6 E-mail messages from me between September 2005 and December 2005, my wife thinks that I am playing games. So, that is it, there is no hope. I have decided to definitely seek a divorce at this point.
I had an appointment at my lawyer's office. When I thanked her for all the work she has done, she handed me an invoice for $3 000 CAD, so the total payment has now reached $9 000 CAD and counting. I spent a tremendous amount of time, money and sanity in order to try to save my family and my wife, so I have a feeling of satisfaction due to my efforts, regardless of the outcome.
I rejected my lawyer's proposal for a fact-to-face meeting with my wife and my wife's lawyer due to the advice of my psychiatrist. I made it clear to my lawyer that I would like a divorce to be finalised as of the first anniversary of my wife's unilateral separation, i.e., June 2006. Hopefully, my doctor-friend from Russia would arrive by then. The kids want me to keep the house, which means that I will have to somehow come up with $50K CAD or so to buy out my wife's 1/2 share of the house...
Exactly 3 months after I started looking for a replacement spouse, I am going full speed ahead with the 34-year old Russian doctor, although she does not have blonde hair. The intense 90-day search often made me review women's profiles on 10 match-making websites until 04:00 in the morning. As it turned out, it was not my hunt that produced the match. I thought that I could finally concentrate on my real work, but I have fallen in love with her and am thinking about her all the time now...
_________________
Simon
For the past week, a German widow who found me in Skype has been contacting me every day to chat with me. She is a church-going mother of a teenage daughter, and we have much in common because her daughter is just as messy as my 15-year old daughter. I believe that they have an identical DNA sequence for a "mess gene". :-)
Anyway, after several chat sessions talking about our lives and such, she revealed to me that her husband suddenly committed suicide due to mental illness, and that she was devastated. Her husband appeared normal from the outside, but he felt that Stasi (East German secret police) was going after him. Just like me, she was unaware that her husband's behaviour was due to mental illness. I was completely speechless to find such a stunning similarity with my wife who feels that RCMP or CSIS is spying on her. I directed her to the Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum in which she could find more similar cases. I also showed her my posts which I had to retract from the forum.
It is said that 1 % of the population suffers from schizophrenia. The odds that 2 completely strangers in 2 far-away countries find each other by chance with respective spouses suffering from exactly the same type of delusional disorder must be astronomical. Or else, such delusional disorder may not be so uncommon after all...
_________________
Simon
I felt yet again abandoned by my 15-year old daughter who still prefers to stay with my wife 9 days and only 5 days with me. She does not realise how much I have been hurt by her injustice and unfairness despite my extra efforts to please her in many ways. My emotions escalated because nobody on earth cares about my welfare, and I ended up with breaking a drinking glass and having a heated argument with my 16-year old son last night. I sent an E-mail message to my 15-year old daughter to wish her a good life with her mother, and that I might see her in 20 years if I am still alive then...
My extramarital long-distance love affair with the 34-year old Russian doctor is now blossoming. We have intense 2-way feelings, and are already planning for our life together, scarcely 1 week after the initial contact. I have started to investigate the immigration process with Citizenship and Immigration Canada. The process changed so much from the 1980's that one can hardly immigrate into Canada without a doctorate.
An immigration officer told me that the "fiancé" category has been eliminated in order to discourage mail-order brides. So, the plan is for her to visit Canada with a Temporary Resident Visa (TRV). Subsequently, I will file an application to sponsor her as a common-law partner from within Canada, after my divorce of course. With her academic record and occupation (surgeon), she may not even need a sponsor (me).
I contacted a friend from my university days whose wife is a veterinarian to know if she could do artificial insemination for an animal. Well, she can do the procedure on dogs all right. My idea is to have her coach my surgeon partner to do the extraction operation on me. I think that such an arrangement is legal without breaking any code of ethics.
I wrote to my lawyer that after the divorce, I would be happy to have an amicable relationship with my wife. So, the scenario of the film "Stepmom (1998)" appears more and more likely. Maybe this is the happy ending that I am destined to have, I wonder?
_________________
Simon
Another chapter of my sad life has unfolded. My ideal match (the 34-year old Russian surgeon) turned out to be a scam! She said that she went to a travel agency to arrange a visit to Canada. A day later, I received an E-mail message from the travel agency with an invoice of $990 USD, which I was fully prepared to pay. I just wanted to check if the travel agency was legitimate because they said that she could travel in 9 days, which seemed impossible given the slow government bureaucracy for visa processing. When I did not find "Avantix Travel Agency" in the business directory on website "WWW Irkutsk" and their telephone number did not have the correct city code of Irkutsk, I became suspicious.
Sure enough, I discovered that some of my match's photos show up under 2 different names on the Black List at the "Russian Brides Cyber Guide" website.
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• Typical visa/airfare/passport scam. Initiates contact, falls in love within a few emails and wants to visit you. |
The loss from my 2 weeks of passionate cyber-love affair has been the application fee ($75 CAD) that I voluntarily sent her in cash for a Temporary Resident Visa (TRV), my time, efforts and sanity. The only person to whom I disclosed my match is a married woman in Australia. I have little energy left to search other women from square one, especially since 2 other attractive blonde Russian women contacted me with very similar scripts as the first scam. :-(
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• unearthly4open (Date.ca, 27, U.S.A./Russia) -> Scam! • Floretirinas (Match.com, 27, U.S.A./Russia) -> Scam! • Women_234 (Match.com, 25, U.S.A./Russia) -> Scam! • sarah5BA2 (Date.ca, 41, Westmount, QC) -> Maybe not • Dreaminblue1976 (Match.com, 29, Whitby, ON) -> Connection! -> Rejection • danielle470 (Skype, 40, Toronto, ON) -> Connection! -> Maybe not • lanima1 (Skype, 43, Voronezh, Russia) -> Maybe not • walkingcat777 (Skype, 25, Saint-Petersburg, Russia) -> Maybe not • barabara-222 (Skype, 29, Paris, France) -> Maybe -> No response • babybluefirenze (Match.com, 37, Vancouver, BC) -> No response • coyuca (Date.com, 45, Laval, QC) -> No response • Katerina26 (E-mail, 27, Odintsovo, Russia) -> Scam! |
I coded a computer programme to automatically flag if a targeted woman (i.e., the 38-year old blonde woman in Laval, QC) is on-line at the Date.ca website, and another computer programme to flag if a targeted woman (i.e., the mysterious 29-year woman in Paris, France) is on-line in Skype.
Although nobody is dead (yet), I am completely devastated. How much despair do I have to endure in my life? Once again, my trust has been betrayed, and my optimism has been crashed. Thanks to the increased antidepressant medication, there is no suicidal thoughts. I am not sure how long it stays that way...
_________________
Simon
Yesterday, I finally caught the 38-year old blonde woman in Laval, QC, in action while she was on-line at the Date.ca website. Since she is not a paying subscriber of Date.ca, instant messaging is the only way to contact her because she cannot read my mail. Unfortunately, she declined my request for a chat, so I have abandoned the hunt for this woman.
I decided to resume my pursuit of the 29-year old redhead veterinarian, although I am not too fond of animals. She told me that she moved to Florida, U.S.A. last year, but she did not like it, so she has just come back to Ontario, Canada. Well, there may be a window of opportunity to hunt her down. Unlike all the other women with whom I have corresponded so far, she actually gives exact answers to my questions, and I can feel compatibility in intelligence level. My Google search revealed that she shares my alma mater, whose sentimental value would be a bonus point. :-)
Meanwhile, my only hope to recover from the financial crisis depends on a business trip to Florida, U.S.A., later this month. If only I get more match-finding opportunities when I become rich...
I had to reschedule my next appointment at the Royal Ottawa Hospital from 2006-03-28 to 2006-04-04.
_________________
Simon
After exchanging a few exciting messages, the 29-year old redhead veterinarian told me that she would be purchasing a veterinary practice in Toronto, ON, and that she would be dating her ex-boyfriend there again. She demanded that I stop obsessing about her. Why on earth did she put up a profile on a matchmaking website and expressed friendship and romantic interest in me? Was she only interested in casual sex with many men? Help! I have become more and more skeptical and pessimistic about finding any woman with honesty and integrity.
I chatted with a 41-year old business woman from Westmount, QC. She was more interested in selling me software than pursuing mutual romantic interest. Meanwhile, I had a pleasant chat with a 43-year old school teacher from Russia. Unlike the fake women in the scam, this lady is real. She had previously rejected a marriage proposal by a rich Canadian man in BC because he was too rich and arrogant. Since I am poor, I might be able to convince her to be imported into Canada. Later, I also chatted with a 25-year old female student from Russia who wants to come to Canada.
For now, I decided to focus my search on educated non-smoking mostly local women, but the response is not good at all. :-(
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• TIGANNE (Lavalife.com, 28, Gatineau, QC) -> Rejection • SUMMERY1 (Lavalife.com, 28, Ottawa, ON) -> Rejection • FRIPONNE (Lavalife.com, 33, Ottawa, ON) -> Rejection • NIKKIE (Lavalife.com, 33, Aylmer, QC) -> Rejection • OFFTHEBEATENPAT1 (Lavalife.com, 35, Ottawa, ON) -> Rejection • _FERNIE (Lavalife.com, 32, Ottawa, ON) -> Rejection • DREAMPAL (Lavalife.com, 33, Sudbury, ON) -> Maybe -> Rejection • ALPHA FEMALE II (Lavalife.com, 40, Kingston, ON) -> No response • 2ZAZIE (Lavalife.com, 39, Gatineau, QC) -> Maybe not • NACHA (Lavalife.com, 40, Gatineau, QC) -> No response • LIFESGR8T (Lavalife.com, 38, Hull, QC) -> Rejection • SEOOTTAWA (Lavalife.com, 35, Ottawa, ON) -> No response • PASSIONATEFEMME (Lavalife.com, 34, Ottawa, ON) -> Rejection • YIYIQUE (Lavalife.com, 38, Laval, QC) -> No response • WATAMIDOINHERE (Lavalife.com, 32, Toronto, ON) -> Rejection • MONKEYLUV (Lavalife.com, 37, Montreal, QC) -> Rejection • TVERICHANKA (Lavalife.com, 34, Vancouver, BC) -> No response • LOU1966 (Lavalife.com, 39, Laval, QC) -> Rejection • MARYANNA70 (Lavalife.com, 37, Montreal, QC) -> Rejection • NICKY1991 (Lavalife.com, 36, Ottawa, ON) -> Maybe -> No response • 3GREATGIRLS (Lavalife.com, 35, Toronto, ON) -> Rejection • STRIKINGVIKING (Lavalife.com, 36, Winnipeg, MB) -> Connection! -> Rejection • LEO10LMNOP (Lavalife.com, 36, London, ON) -> Maybe -> Rejection |
It seems that my 15-year old daughter does not want to come back to the house any more. So, I told my 16-year old son and my 12-year old daughter that the only condition that is acceptable for me is that they stay here with me all the time. Well, I am exercising the tough-love approach that Bill MacPhee taught me.
_________________
Simon
|
There is nothing wrong with your husband but psychosis. If he takes his medicine every day and doesn't miss a dose and takes a strong enough dose to control the symptoms he should be perfectly normal and able to work. I have had Schizophrenia all my life and there is no excuse for missing does of medicine. I'm retired, support myself and my family without the least bit of difficulty and live in a well-to-do neighborhood and have moeny in the bank that I earned. There is no excuse for letting Schizophrenia get the best of you. The biggest mistake a person can make is believing another person's delusions. It makes you a co-dependant. You need to warn him and mean it, tell him to take his medicine every day or you're out of there. Make sure you tell him when he is lucid and stable. You should also point out that if he doesn't care about himself that you have no reason to care what happens to him either. If you don't do that the nightmares you'll go through will linger to last a lifetime and there will be no end to the episodes. |
Thank you for such wisdom from your own experience, barkingshark!
I now realise that I made the biggest mistake of my life by believing my wife's "Surveillance and Spying" for 11 years and becoming a co-dependent because I did not know that her stories were delusions.
As a result, I am paying the price by going through so much pain and suffering for 1 year, especially from the stigma towards mental illness by my wife's parents. My despair led me to attempt a suicide in November 2005.
Since my wife is already out of here as she unilaterally separated from the happy family when she left the house in June 2005, I cannot care what happens to her any more. Sadly, divorce and a new life are the only option for me to recover from the absolute hell...
_________________
Simon
I had a panic attack this morning when my lawyer telephoned me. Whenever she starts shouting at me, it is always bad news. :-(
She said that my letter to my wife's friends is in possession of my wife's lawyer, and one paragraph contains something that is damaging to me or whatever the lawyers pick on to start fighting (and charging fees, of course).
My wife relentless obsession for guarding personal information makes her try to hide the mental health issue at any cost. Why is it so impossible to tell the truth?: "I have mental illness but I keep functioning quite well despite paranoid delusions, and I am recovering with proper medical treatment."
My sole intention of the legal process was to give professional medical care to my wife. The fact that she and her lawyer regard this as a child custody issue is almost comical to me. Frankly, I do not need my children physically around me. As long as we are connected spiritually, we can emotionally connect through audio-visual conference via iChat and Skype. What I want is my kids to remember the truth of what actually happened and why.
I am only half-way through the electronic book "Escaping Emotional Entrapment", which has been recommended by my dear friend in order to seek happiness.
|
The Inappropriateness of Unconditional Love (P. 14) "But I will always love my child unconditionally." For the vast majority of parent/child relationships, this is as close to true as possible. The limits and tolerance for your child's behavior is high. Partly because you, hopefully remain in a position of influence and authority over your child, regardless of his age. But realistically, unconditional love for your child had better not truly exist either. Setting personal limits as to what you will tolerate, is healthy for the both of you. It's important that you be a good model and let your child know you have limits. |
In order to prevent my child from becoming a pathological liar, I intervened and let my 15-year old daughter know that my unconditional love for her has limits, which include justice and fairness, i.e., not saying one thing to one parent and doing another to the other parent.
_________________
Simon
I went cross-country skiing last Sunday, then went to sunny Florida Monday on a business trip for 4 days. It was so warm in Florida that air conditioning was necessary. Observing young couples in love and many married couples in argument over minor issues reinforced my belief that we were indeed non-fighting happy family before my wife's senseless unilateral separation that defies any logic.
I won a free donut in the rrroll-up-the-rim-to-win contest at Ottawa Airport's Tim Hortons. However, I am not winning a replacement wife at Lavalife.com, which I found is good for finding "fun-loving" and "love to laugh" kind of women, but lacks depth in finding intelligent women who value substance over appearance.
So, my woman-hunting is on hold until late April when my prime target on Match.com has the time to analyse me and reply to me. She is a well educated 36-year old woman who is willing to relocate anywhere. This may be the last chance for me, so I should not make a fool out of myself. In the mean time, I found 2 educated American women and a 30-year old medical doctor in Montreal, QC.
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• sereneuniverse (Match.com, 36, Vancouver, BC) -> Connection! -> Maybe not • jillisabella (Date.com, 41, Boston, MA) -> No response • tcholga (Date.com, 29, Brookline, MA) -> Scam? • smpoelm (Date.ca, 30, Montreal, QC) -> Rejection |
I have also found some other women who look interesting. I have become good at detecting scams in foreign women.
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• ccm9822 (Match.com, 40, Windsor, ON) -> Rejection |
After returning from the business trip to Florida, I became sad facing the reality that I have lost everything. I have lost not only my wife, a happy family and more than $9 000 CAD for my lawyer's fee, but also my time, sanity and now my 15-year daughter who is staying at my wife's apartment full-time. Since I told her last month that I would see her in 20 years, it is only 19 years and 11 months until I will see her again, unless she understands the meaning of justice and fairness. My 12-year old daughter described my circumstance as "worse than dead"...
_________________
Simon
I paid a monthly routine follow-up visit to the Royal Ottawa Hospital for the depression research this afternoon. My weight is now 68 kg, thanks to over-consumption of peanuts and cheese every day. I really have to worry about obesity.
When I explained my roller-coaster mood swing from highs in Florida to lows due to my 15-year old daughter's departure because of my principle of justice and fairness, my doctor told me that emotions are not like business transactions, so I should not seek finality. According to him, my daughter is running for cover, and it may take some time for her to come back, so I should stop being impatient for a quick change. The psychiatrist instructed me to concentrate on the divorce proceedings.
Later, I talked with the nurse about the recent homicide of an entire family of 5 people in Ottawa. There seems to be no mental illness in this horrific case. I contacted a professor of psychology at McMaster University who was mentioned in one of the articles in the Ottawa Citizen about the acts of control and revenge.
I told the nurse that I experienced many cheating, lies, deceptions, frauds and even scams on the Internet match-making websites. The nurse kindly gave me a piece of advice about a glass half full versus a glass half empty.
_________________
Simon
Another day, another family crisis. This time, I lost all of my kids.
My 16-year old son, who had been supportive throughout the ordeal, telephoned me to say that he would not exercise the "tough love" approach that I had repeatedly explained and suggested in order to straighten out my 15-year old daughter who lacks the sense of justice and fairness. To my disappointment, he showed doubts and asked me confirmation of my wife's mental illness despite my sharing all information with him. When he showed preference towards my wife and compared me to a separated father who is amicable with his wife, I said "bye-bye" and hung up the telephone. It seems that the passing of time has made the kids forget about my wife's mental illness because she looks and acts normal other than surveillance and spying which had led her to cut me off.
I do not know the meaning of "family" any more. I had always thought that family members are not just roommates living together but share good times and bad times, and most importantly, help one another and solve any member's problems and challenges together. I consider my 3 kids a package deal, and I feel so bad that my 12-year old daughter, who is the most understanding of them all, has become a collateral damage. So, all 3 kids are staying at my wife's apartment. I sent an E-mail message to my lawyer stating that I no longer want the custody of the children.
Suicidal thoughts with the feeling of worthlessness developed later in the evening. This time around, I called the pager number for the uOttawa Institute of Mental Health Research. Despite the initial difficulty of the pager connection, the nurse called me back almost immediately around midnight. I am so grateful to have her confidence in me at the time of extreme stress.
During my last appointment at the hospital, the doctor instructed me to be patient with such emotional issues. The nurse assured me that the kids will come back. But I do not want them to come back if they grow up to become pathological liars. Also, I would rather not see them for life if they do not acquire any sense of justice and fairness.
As encouraged by the nurse, I corresponded with 3 of my Skype friends, a woman in Toronto, ON, a woman in France, and a woman in Peru. In fact, they initiated the calls just as I was feeling desperate. I greatly appreciated their thoughtfulness. I also recalled a sage advice from a very dear friend of mine.
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• What you can do is to move on in life and enjoy all that there is to be enjoyed. |
So, my advice is to separate and divorce your spouse as soon as you realise that he/she has been irreversibly consumed by mental illness and he/she refuses medical treatment. Leave the old life as completely as possible, especially the in-laws, and seek a new partner/lover/spouse. Also, never waste money on blood-sucking lawyers. Here is my conclusion after the struggle with my wife's mental illness.
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• LOVE CANNOT OVERCOME MENTAL ILLNESS. • THERE IS NO LOGIC OR REASONING IN PARANOID ILLUSIONS. • THERE IS NO POINT IN EDUCATING PEOPLE WITH STIGMA. • MENTAL ILLNESS OF A SPOUSE IS NOT WORTH THE EFFORT. • MENTAL ILLNESS OF A SPOUSE IS A LOST CAUSE. • ... |
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Simon
My wife and the kids came to the house briefly to pick up some stuff. I just ignored their presence. Later, 2 of my Skype friends, a Polish woman and a German woman called me and they consoled me about my struggle to hold up my principle to the kids. However, the woman in Toronto, ON, strongly believes that I should have forgotten about the injustice and continued to enjoy my time with the kids.
Some day, my kids should realise that their father was never happy with a glass half full unless the water inside was just and fair. By insisting on having good water, he lost the glass...
Their happy family was broken up by their mother's mental illness. Their father was destroyed by nano-brain in-laws's stigma and lies and manipulations, and by injustice and unfairness. Life was not kind to him.
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Simon
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Taking that pill made the voices stop Articulating her struggles with mental illness gives others hope The turning point in Renea Mohammed's life came in 2001 when she stopped hearing voices. For years she'd felt she was under surveillance and heard relentless, belittling voices that drove her to attempt suicide. Mohammed had refused treatment, only took medication when she was forced to, and lacked the insight to realize she was ill. Then one day, following her third suicide attempt, she took a pill. The voices stopped. Mohammed, the 35-year-old recipient of the Courage to Come Back Award in the mental-health category, was amazed -- medication worked to control the paranoid schizophrenia that had controlled her life for so long. She thought: "If the medication works, then the voices aren't real and if the voices aren't real, then I have schizophrenia." The realization changed her life. "That's when I started to take the medication voluntarily and my life got dramatically better," said Mohammed, who now works as a support worker with Vancouver Coastal Health. With help from the B.C. Schizophrenia Society, Mohammed began to speak about her journey from diagnosis, to years of being untreated, to that day in 2001 when she found a medication that worked. "When I was first told I had schizophrenia, I didn't know much about the illness. It sounded a bit like getting a death sentence," she said. Now Mohammed is doing her part in combating the stigma facing the mentally ill. "I think it's really important for people who are doing well to be open about having the illness," she said. "People with these serious mental illnesses can still lead good, happy lives and sometimes that means learning how to live well with some symptoms." Schizophrenia gradually took over her life while she studied at the University of B.C., taking a master's degree in library and information studies. "I would have the sensation like I was being watched, even though there wasn't anyone there. I came to believe that I was under surveillance," she said. The voices began late one night as she worked on an assignment and her husband slept. They laughed at her, humiliated her, and by morning they were daring her to kill herself. "I would hear a running commentary constantly about what a terrible, rotten person I was," Mohammed said. "The voices were really hard to live with. They were the most difficult part of my illness." School became impossibly hard -- she felt those surveilling her were working with university officials. She once walked late into class and believed the day's lecture was on her personal journals. "I believed there was nothing wrong with me, so I didn't want treatment," she said. "I didn't want to get drugged. I thought I was being set up to look like I was crazy." Mohammed finished her degree, but she refused treatment for the next four years and attempted suicide three times. Then she found the medication that worked and silenced the voices bedevilling her. "My 20s were really hard. My 30s have been great. Things got a lot better for me," she said. Mohammed earned the highest overall mark in her community mental-health worker program at Douglas College. She has taught classes to and supported the mentally ill and speaks to groups about her illness twice a month. She aims to pass on the idea that, with hope, life can get better. "If someone had looked at me when I was really, really ill, I don't know [if] they would think I would be like I am now," she said. The Coast Mental Health Foundation's Courage to Come Back Awards honour those who have shown inspiration and courage in overcoming illness, adversity or injury. Awards are presented May 4 at the Hyatt Regency Hotel. Visit www.coastfoundation.com. lgrindlay@png.canwest.com |
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The most common thing I have heard at my group is those who heard voices all had an explaination for them. Most thought everyone else heard them in their heads and that it was normal. I never heard voices until I had been on medicine about 5 years. I guess my illness took a turn for the worse about that time. I hope many people read this and make a commitment to stick to their medication, as it is the only help that there really is for Schizophrenia. |
This "realisation to change her life" should have happened to my wife 12 years ago. Instead, I made the biggest mistake of my life by believing my wife's "Surveillance and Spying" stories. Sigh...
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Simon
After 10 days of making revision after revision, I finally decided to send the letter to the kids who are now staying at my wife's apartment full-time. I made it clear to the kids that the letter is directed only to them so that my wife's unethical and immoral lawyer would not get hold of i, like the letter that I sent to my wife's friends with which my wife's lawyer is now threatening me for further legal action.
In a matter of hours, my 15-year old daughter replied back to me, expressing how bad she felt, saying that she could come back to the house 7 days/7 days, etc. So, my tough-love approach seems to have worked, and the family crisis seems to be over. I was proud of my kids, and I now have peace of mind at last.
A 44-year old woman in Sofia, Bulgaria, who is a highly educated astronomer, found me on Date.com, and we started to correspond. She disclosed to me that she is in a crisis because her husband, who is 14 years older than she is, has unilaterally bought a country house with the money in their common account, so they are separated. She is worried that her husband would monopolise and influence her 17-year old son. She suspects that her husband may have mental illness...
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Simon
This week, I took the Patent Agents Exam, 4 hours/day for 4 days from Tuesday through Friday. The essay exam was very difficult as expected, and I did not have enough time to answer all the questions even though some of the answers were in the documents that I was allowed to use during the exam. One has to score 240 points out of 400 points to pass, but the pass rate is only 20 %. It takes most candidates several years to pass all the 4 sections.
I had enough self-discipline to stop drinking wine for 3 weeks before the important examination. I filtered the enough-aged wine today, so I resumed drinking red wine for its health benefits. :-)
Now that the exam is over, I resumed woman-hunting. I finally started to receive flirts/interests/winks/smiles from interesting women who actually exist for a change. However, most of them are non-blonde. :-( Meanwhile, I am looking forward to the blonde woman sereneuniverse, who is visiting Europe, to come back to Canada so that we can start intelligent conversations.
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• SPICY111 (Lavalife.com, 40, Ottawa, ON) -> Connection! -> No response • DREAMS132 (Lavalife.com, 37, Halifax, NS) -> Maybe -> No response • ARTSLOVEPASSION (Lavalife.com, 37, Toronto, ON) -> Maybe -> No response • MARKETFRESH (Lavalife.com, 32, Kanata, ON) -> Maybe -> Rejection • BLONDIE331 (Lavalife.com, 33, Toronto, ON) -> No response • STARTUP_JANKIE (Lavalife.com, 32, Toronto, ON) -> No response • reddy_red (Date.com, 44, Sofiya, Bulgaria) -> Connection! -> Maybe not • lovelove4 (Date.com, 24, Sofiya, Bulgaria) -> Maybe -> No response • 69_sexy (Date.com, 27, Bucuresti, Romania) -> Maybe -> No response • musicalgirl05 (Date.com, 36, Beeton, ON) -> Connection! -> Maybe not • soplyjui77 (Date.ca, 26, Wasilla, U.S.A.) -> Maybe -> No response • DelmyBF58 (Date.ca, 27, Kirov, Russia) -> Maybe -> No response |
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Simon
I paid a monthly routine follow-up visit to the Royal Ottawa Hospital for the depression research this afternoon. My weight is now 70 kg, which is my psychological maximum limit.
My psychiatrist notified me that I am officially out of the research study, but he would take care of my depression. The doctor changed the prescription from Effexor XR to Zoloft (Sertraline) so that the adverse events of blurred vision and excessive sweating would diminish. He also prescribed a tranquilliser Trazodone to help me sleep better at night without waking up every 2 hours. However, I now have to rely on the meagre provincial prescription drug plan which pays only about 1/2 of the cost.
The doctor gave me another appointment next week to discuss personal issues and how to deal with external factors, etc. I thanked the nurse for taking a telephone call at midnight when I had suicidal thoughts 2 weeks ago. I also gave her some newspaper clippings about the suicidal thoughts by SSRI.
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Study links depression medications, senior suicides Tom Blackwell, The National Post Published: Monday, May 01, 2006 TORONTO - Elderly people who take a popular type of antidepressant are almost five times more likely to commit suicide than those on other antidepressants, concludes a major new Canadian study that adds to the controversy around the drugs known as SSRIs. The researchers stress that pills such as Prozac, Zoloft and Effexor are lifesavers for most seriously depressed seniors and say the suicidal side effects are rare. But over-prescription of SSRIs to older people who do not really need them may be exposing some to an unnecessary risk of self-harm, they say. "Doctors are way too liberal with these drugs," said Dr. David Juurlink, lead author of the study by the Institute for Clinical Evaluative Sciences (ICES). The study also found that almost 70 per cent of elderly people who had committed suicide had taken no antidepressants, and experts warned there is a large group of truly depressed people not getting the help they need. The ICES group linked coroners' records with prescription data, physician billing claims and hospitalization data for more than 1.2 million Ontario residents age 66 and over, from 1992 to 2000. |
In the evening, my 15-year old daughter came to visit the house after almost 2 months of absence. It looks like my tough love approach worked, and the kids want to stay with me 1/2 time at the house. She suggested to extend each stay to 2 weeks, which is a good idea. Later, I came up with a staggered 2-week scheduling scheme since my 15-year old daughter is annoyed by the other 2 kids.
My daughters played falling and being buried in the newspaper mountain that I had been building in the living room for 3 weeks in order to alleviate stress. They said that it is better than the IKEA ball pool.
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Simon
As leaves and flowers come out in the spring, seasonal allergy by tree pollen is affecting my nose and eyes.
I received a GST credit from Canada Revenue Agency (CRA), meaning that I am officially recognised as a low-income family. I also received a telephone call from the CRA about the corporate income tax, so my company will soon be able to pay myself a salary for 2004 and for 2005 in lump sum at last.
I found a letter that my wife wrote in early 2006 to the Commissioner of the RCMP complaining about "omnipresent surveillance". The tone is exactly the same as her latter that she wrote in 1996 to the Privacy Commissioner about "personal information" possessed by her colleagues. It proves that her paranoid delusion has existed for at least 10 years.
I made a blood donation, 36th time. It is still a long way to the goal of 100 blood donations in my lifetime. My true intention is to have free coffee and donuts after giving blood. :-)
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Simon
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Kemper's mental illness 'a long tunnel of darkness' Margaret Kemper has broken her long silence on her battle with bipolar disorder as she helped launch the Royal Ottawa Hospital's $120-million fundraising campaign, Lee Berthiaume reports. Lee Berthiaume, The Ottawa Citizen Published: Saturday, May 06, 2006 Margaret Kemper has been waging a secret war for decades. Controversy has followed her ever since she married former prime minister Pierre Trudeau in 1971 at the age of 22. In the ensuing years, she became a controversial figure for her unusual antics and escapades. But for the first time yesterday, Mrs. Kemper revealed that behind the lights and cameras that recorded her life over the next 30 years, she was fighting a personal and lonely battle against bipolar disorder. "I suffered tremendous loss because of my reluctance to come forward for help and not recognizing what was happening to me," she said at the Royal Ottawa Hospital yesterday. After Mrs. Kemper, now 57, gave birth to her second son, Sacha Trudeau, on Christmas Day in 1973, she was struck with an overwhelming depression. She was diagnosed with postpartum depression and, while she received some treatment, doctors didn't realize she was suffering from the more serious bipolar depression. Her life at 24 Sussex, she said, was "very lonely -- a long tunnel of darkness for me -- coupled with the pressures of public life while trying on my own to manage the symptoms of bipolar depression." Mrs. Kemper said she was forced to cope with these mood swings in secret. Her family, including Mr. Trudeau, tried to help her but no one, including Mrs. Kemper herself, knew what was wrong. "It was never talked about in those days and barely recognized, no matter what sector of society you lived in. And so in the public eye and under public scrutiny, I tried to manage as best I could," she said. Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is a mental illness that manifests itself through extreme mood swings. A person with bipolar disorder will alternately experience extreme euphoria and severe depression. While married to Mr. Trudeau, Mrs. Kemper made international headlines for the way she acted around heads of state. After the couple separated in 1979, she was known for for romantic links to numerous celebrities, including Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones. Mrs. Kemper, who made her announcement to spearhead a fundraising campaign for the Royal Ottawa Hospital's $120-million expansion, did not speak about her past actions but said her illness created problems in her marriages to Mr. Trudeau and her second husband, Ottawa realtor Fried Kemper. "It's not easy to live with an illness that impacted my family life for years, that tore away at my two marriages and, ultimately, the very meaning of my life," Mrs. Kemper said. When Mr. Trudeau died two years after the couple's youngest son, Michel, was killed in an avalanche in British Columbia, Mrs. Kemper was forced to come to grips with her depression. Overcoming the stigma that had held her back for years, she admitted herself into the Royal Ottawa Hospital in 2001 and was diagnosed with bipolar depression. As an in-patient at the hospital, she began receiving medication and therapy as doctors tried to stabilize the fluctuations between extreme euphoria and severe depression and she said she now is coming forward with her story to try to encourage others to seek treatment. "I have my life back and I'm here to champion the cause," Mrs. Kemper said. "There is no shame in coming forward for help. If you feel you are being judged, and I certainly feel I have always been judged, you must ignore the unfair prejudice society has placed upon you. "I felt like I was broken for a long time and now I feel whole again." Mrs. Kemper said she has been healthy for the past two years, but Pierre Blier, chairman of Mood Disorders Research at the University of Ottawa's Institute of Mental Health Research, said bipolar disorder takes years to treat, sometimes even a lifetime. "The pivotal stone for treating the illness is medication," said Dr. Blier, who also attended yesterday's conference. "It's really a long-term disease." Generally more than one type of mood stabilizer, such as lithium, is required for treatment, in conjunction with therapy to help establish patterns for those suffering the illness, Dr. Blier said. "It has to be tailored for the individual patient," he said. However, doctors and researchers are still trying to determine what causes bipolar disorder. Dr. Blier said most mental illnesses are genetic in nature but other factors, such as environment, may be to blame. "We have very little idea on what causes it, but we have an idea how the treatments work," Dr. Blier said, though he said the brain is susceptible to problems like any other part of the body. When people have problems with their heart or lungs or kidneys, they seek treatment," he said. "But that organ (the brain) controls behaviour and way you think and the public believes it is mystical." About two per cent of the population has bipolar disorder, Dr. Blier said, but only a portion are receiving treatment because of the stigma associated with mental illnesses. Having prominent figures like Mrs. Kemper go public with their personal battles will encourage others to shed their fears and seek help as well. "I think it will really help people," Dr. Blier said, though he acknowledged it will be a long time before the stigma is eliminated. "It's going to take repeated attacks to make a difference." © The Ottawa Citizen 2006 |
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Experts: More must seek mental-health treatment The Royal Ottawa Hospital estimates six million Canadians will experience a diagnosable mental illness but only one-third will actually seek treatment for a variety of reasons, including the stigma attached to mental illness. © The Ottawa Citizen 2006 |
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Simon
I had an appointment with my psychiatrist at the Royal Ottawa Hospital. I had taken the new anti-depressant medication for only 3 days, so I sensed no change and no withdrawal symptoms. The doctor was sure that adverse events of blurred vision, excessive sweating and irregular sleeping will diminish.
I reported to the doctor that Trazodone is too strong because I was feeling dizzy during the day, and I also had dry mouth after sleep. The doctor instructed me to chop a 50 mg pill in 1/2 to make it a 25 mg pill. I suggested and he agreed that I could try Melatonin to help sleep at night. Melatonin is human hormone, but it is not sold in Canada. I imported the pills from the U.S.A., legally for personal use.
I weighed 69 kg, so my weight seems to be under control at last, but I feel tight in my pants. I had an interview with the nurse to evaluate the research study. She gave me harsh reality check that I no longer get a free parking pass because I am officially out of the research study. :-(
Before I decided to stop taking Trazodone, I was sleeping during the day due to dizziness. As a result, I did not sleep one entire night. I was coding software programme on the computer, and it took me a long time to debug the system, until the next morning. It was the first time for me to be awake for more than 24 hours without any sleep.
It has been exactly 1 year since I panicked and sought help from the government counsellor. So, I sent her an E-mail message to thank her for her advice about mental illness and also to update the situation.
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Simon
A View of mother's through the ages:
• 4 Years Of Age - My Mommy can do anything.
• 8 Years Of Age - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot.
• 12 Years Of Age - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
• 14 Years Of Age - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
• 16 Years Of Age - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
• 18 Years Of Age - That old woman? She's way out of date.
• 25 Years Of Age - Well, she might know a little bit about it.
• 35 Years Of Age - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
• 45 Years Of Age - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it.
• 65 Years Of Age - Wish, I could talk it over with Mom.
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Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)
Judy
I like it and it is so true. I wonder what a kid with a schizophrenic mom will say when he (she) is 18 and older?.
My wife said at 45 Years Of Age - My mother is a dangerous woman!
In fact, her mother turned out to be an incredibly evil manipulator. Here is what my 12-year old daughter wrote.
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• Ma grand-mère a dit que c'est une bonne chose la séparation parce qu'elle n'a jamais vraiment aimé mon père, et que mon père contrôlait ma mère. Elle a aussi dit qu'il fallait beaucoup de courage pour s'être séparer. Tout de suite après, ma mère a raccroché et elle s'est fâché. |
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Simon
Now I know what a 12 years old boy will say (my son involunterely told me)
• 65 Years Of Age - Wish, I could talk it over with Mom.
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• This is a story about a boy who was heavily medicated over a period of time. He'd been diagnosed with several psychiatric conditions, and his medications were steadily increased after reports of more and more difficult behaviour. |
Last weekend, I joined "Classmates" and "Science Connection" which I first saw in Daily Planet on Discovery Channel. In "Science Connection", I found an open-minded free-spirited woman living in the Arctic. She had a abusive childhood with some mental health issues with anti-depressant medications, just as described in "Finding Normal". She had little formal education in science, yet she has a very curious mind. She considers herself eccentric, which makes two of us. So, I am intriegued, and hoping that it will work out somehow.
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• Laurie (SciConnect.com, 33, Arctic town, NU) -> Connection! -> Rejection |
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Simon
2006-05-18 National Film Board of Canada (NFB)
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This Beggar's Description, Unbreakable Minds, etc. This Beggar's Description: The story of a man who writes poetry, plays music... and also suffers from schizophrenia• Philip Tétrault has been locked up in jails and psych wards. He is also a talented writer. Director Pierre Tétrault tells his brother Phil's story, capturing the far-reaching effects of schizophrenia. Today Phil spends his days on the streets of Montreal, plays his pan pipes and writes as much as he can. The launch of his poetry book is attended by his old friend Leonard Cohen, whose songs are woven throughout the film. Unbreakable Minds: A poignant portrayal of three engaging characters as they struggle with schizophrenia and depression• For people diagnosed with schizophrenia in the prime of their lives, independence, acceptance, and even a place to call home usually slip beyond their grasp. Unbreakable Minds captures the journeys of three men. With the guidance of WilPower, a family-based housing and support centre, they and their families maintain their hope and courage. |
I cancelled subscription to Date.ca and Date.com. I started paid subscription to Perfectmatch.com. This is what they claim, so I will see whether their guarantee is "not before I spend all my money in thier subscription". :-)
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Thanks in part to our new relationship with the Lifetime television; women now outnumber men on PerfectMatch.com two to one! You will find the one you'll be happiest with forever, we guarantee it! |
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Simon
Hello Simon,
I watched the two episodes too and was horrified.
Some twenty years back, this is the way patients were over medicated in the wards of the psychiatric hospitals, the psychiatrist would rely on the comments of staff.. Now we seem to be going back that way. We will be at the mercy of the first one we meet in the Community .... If he or she is fully trained, competent and compassionate, we will do well, if the first person we meet is not fully trained , trained in another field, burnt out or plain unconcerned we are in for a rough ride.. Sad
2006-05-19
I had been invited to studio audience of A-Channel morning TV show starting at 06:30. When I woke up, however, it was already 06:30. Moreover, my car did not start well, so I had to give up the opportunity to win free gifts. Trazodone is very effective for helping me sleep better at night without waking up every 2 hours, but it works too well even at 1/2 dosage. :-(
This morning, while I was still in my pyjamas, the evaluator showed up without appointment but escorted by my wife. She went through both inside and outside of the house. I did my best to explain that although the roof is OK after replacement a few years ago, there are so many things that are broken and have to be repaired or replaced, such as the windows, kitchen counter, toilet, etc.
I became so sad thinking of the prospect of losing the house. So, I renewed my efforts in finding a match. This time around, I may be lucky, especially with Stephanie, a 43-year old pediatrician in CA, and especially with Lucy, a 36-year old blonde scientist/engineer from Russia but now living in NY.
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• chiquitita07 (Match.com, 38, North York, ON) -> No response • Superwomanisdead (Match.com, 39, Calgary, AB) -> No response • noon_tide (Match.com, 41, Ottawa, ON) -> Maybe not • TYelenaRussian (Date.ca, 28, Calgary, AB) -> No response • allisa82833DE (Date.ca, 43, East York, ON) -> Fake profile! • meaghan99201 (Date.ca, 28, Waterloo, ON) -> Fake profile! • NewRU (Date.ca, 39, Port Coquitlam, BC) -> Maybe not • CarlaIS (Date.ca, 34, Edmonton, AB) -> Maybe -> Rejection • JazzyLady (HeartDetectives.com, 39, QC, Canada) -> Maybe -> No response • Stephanie (SciConnect.com, 43, San Francisco, CA) -> Connection! -> Maybe • Lucy (Perfectmatch.com, 36, Staten Island, NY) -> Connection! -> Meeting!! -> Rejection • Larisa (Perfectmatch.com, 36, Toronto, ON) -> Maybe -> No response • menfous425 (Skype, 37, Belgium) -> Maybe -> No response • sweet_ely69 (Skype, 27, Romania) -> Maybe not |
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Simon
It could have been the 19th Wedding Anniversary today. :-(
I had an appointment at the Royal Ottawa Hospital with my psychiatrist. The nurse was on vacation. Since I have been OK for a few weeks and no more adverse external factors are expected, he reduced the dosage of Zoloft (Sertraline) to 1/2. He said that I can vary the dosage up or down myself, to the maximum of 200 mg. I reported to him that Trazodone have been too effective even at 1/2 dose.
When I mentioned that I may not be able to keep the house which is co-owned by my wife, he advised me that I should sell the house in order to leave the old reality, albeit symbolic. I am wondering if I should also abandon my kids in order to leave the old reality...
Something extraordinary happened. I received a package in the mail marked "Non Réclamé" that I had sent 2 months ago to the woman who claimed to be a Russian surgeon. I had enclosed the Canadian visa application fee of $75 CAD, a gift worth $15 CAD, plus a birthday card "To Russia with Love", all of which came back intact. Well, this is the absolutely proof that she was a scam, and that Russian Postal Service is slow but reliable. :-)
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Simon
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Fifty percent of people with schizophrenia, like April, have anosognosia which means they have no insight into the fact they are ill. The part of the brain that tells them something is wrong with their thinking and behaviour is not working! |
I went to the First of Public Information Series on Mental Health entitled "Aging Versus Alzheimer's - How to tell if it's normal aging or the onset of Alzheimer's Disease" at the Royal Ottawa Hospital. The speaker, Dr. Marie-France Rivard, Clinical Director, Regional Geriatric Psychiatry Integrated Program at the Royal Ottawa Health Care Group, said that Schizophrenia is one of the few deseases that get better with age.
I asked 2 questions, one about the current thinking of aluminum deposit in the brain because my mother had thrown away her aluminum pans and pots, another about anecdotal evidence that patients with Alzheimer's disease seem to live longer (e.g., Ronald Reagan, Charleton Heston, my grand-mother, etc.).
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Simon
The Royal Ottawa Hospital is launching a bold, provocative advertising campaign to raise awareness of the prevalence of mental illness. Here is the full-page ad in the Ottawa Citizen newspaper.
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WE'RE BEING WATCHED SO WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE $10 MILLION NEEDED FOR... CAN'T TALK... THEY'RE AFTER ME... 1.2 [Schizophrenia] starts in the brain's cortex and leads to a lifetime of struggle for patients and their families. If ever there was a voice they needed to hear, it is yours - now. The new Royal Ottawa Hospital is seeking 10,000 people to give $1,000. If you'd prefer to give that as $200 per year over 5 years, we'd be equally grateful. This $10 million will fund treatment and further new advances in mental health. -- OUR GOAL IS $10 MILLION. WE CAN DO IT IF WE PUT OUR MINDS TO IT. -- |
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Simon
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When men kill women Ottawa Citizen Published: Monday, May 29, 2006 In April Frank Mailly killed his wife Francine and their three children, then died trying to burn the house down; they were separated. In early May, Roger Turmel shot his wife Louise Fortin, then killed himself; she was leaving him. Now Abdulnasser Chamouri, last week, beat and stabbed his wife Nassima and her mother Afife Saroufim, then hanged himself; Ms. Chamouri was leaving him. Between 1991 and 1999, women were killed by estranged husbands at a rate of 39 per million couples, according to Statistics Canada, compared to a rate of five per million killed by current husbands. An American study concluded that divorced and separated men are also more than twice as likely to kill themselves as married men are. (That 2000 report was based on a sample of 472,000 people tracked from 1979 to 1989, so admittedly it draws on data from a different time.) Researcher Augustine Kposowa also found that, unlike the case of men, divorce and separation have no effect on women's suicide rates; he speculated that women have more elaborate personal and social support systems to help them deal with the trauma. The Statistics Canada study identified "jealousy" as a motivation in 44 per cent of such homicides, but that's too vague to be helpful. We know what they say -- some version of "If I can't have them, nobody will" -- but how do these men think things are going to turn out after they commit murder? What was in Abdulnasser Chamouri's head during the four hours he spent pacing and thinking, a few streets away from where he would kill his wife and her mother? The fact that these killers so often commit suicide after killing their families suggests they know they are doomed by their actions. Yet they commit the crimes anyway. Why? Afterward, do they feel the same way as they did before their irreversible acts? Nobody can defend men who do the things Frank Mailly, Roger Turmel and Abdulnasser Chamouri did. Only full-blown mental illness could absolve them, and there's no evidence any of them suffered from any such disease. On the other side, talking about what their wives might have done differently in response to early-warning signs seems like blaming the victims. Yet researchers must focus on both the men's motivations and their victims' choices if we are to find ways to reduce the risk to other women in similar situations. We already talk about how "the system" failed and how it can be fixed. And so we should: restraining orders need teeth, women already battered need support, public-awareness campaigns on spousal abuse and programs aimed at immigrant women need funding. Relatives, friends and neighbours need to stick their noses in more often if they suspect something is wrong in a relationship. Any of these might have stopped Frank Mailly's evening rampage last month -- many different authorities knew he was threatening and violent toward his wife. They might not have stopped Abdulnasser Chamouri, who was unknown to Gatineau police before Tuesday. Wendy Stewart is a social worker at the Royal Ottawa Hospital's anger-disorders clinic and is part of the hospital's assessment team for people charged with crimes but suspected of being mentally ill. She says very many male abusers think irrationally about their families: "There's this issue about men losing everything, or so they feel," she says. "They take loss much more devastatingly than women do." And yet, she says, there are very few programs to help abusive men whose partners are leaving them think rationally about their futures. Ms. Stewart doesn't question the predominance of battered-women's shelters and other supports for victims, but says there should be more help for abusers to understand that the end of a relationship doesn't mean they have nothing left to lose. There are intervention programs for abusive men (Catholic Family Services runs one in Ottawa, for instance, that treats about 600 men a year); these should be funded well enough to be available immediately and on demand to anyone who wants to enter one. But as to why some men -- some previously abusive, some not -- react homicidally to the end of a relationship, Ms. Stewart says she can't be sure: "Some psychiatrists might tell you it has to do with testosterone and impulsivity," she says, but as a social worker herself, "I see it as more a result of social factors and their own way of thinking." Though we can and must do a better job of shielding women from abusive and dangerous ex-spouses, it would be better to stop the men from behaving abusively and dangerously. We need to figure out why violent men do the things they do. The killers, like any criminals, are finally responsible for their choices, but we can't say they should choose differently and leave it at that. That's true, but not good enough. © The Ottawa Citizen 2006 |
Well, this newspaper editorial reminded me of a correspondence from an acquaintance in California, U.S.A.
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From: Frank Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2005 19:37:55 -0800 To: Simon Subject: responsive muse Simon, After 20 years of marriage, Nancy and I separated so that she could find herself. She explained one night, that she needed to "find herself" and she was tired of being a wife and a mother. This was in November 1988, at 11:11pm, while in bed, and after "whoop-de-do". On December 31st, 1988, as I left my office, a young lady served me with divorce papers. She said she was sorry to have to do so. Nancy asked for $600 a month for herself, and an additional $900 for the 3 kids, plus my newest car, she and the kids kept the living quarters, everything within, except for 1/2 of the pictures taken during our 20 years together. She then presented me with a 9 page separation agreement and a bill from her attorney. I voided most of the separation agreement and signed the rest. I told her to pay her own attorney. Within a week, I closed my Gold Brokerage Business, fired 11 brokers, broke my office lease, and moved 125 miles to Santa Barbara. I was devastated by her actions. A friend told me that it usually took 5 years to get over the ordeal, but that I would later laugh about the circumstances. To this day, I remain married. She refused to pay her attorney. He refused to file the divorce papers. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA My friend was right..... | I am seriously considering suicide... Before you do.... Ask yourself why you need to punish yourself for accepting someone else's opinions of who you are. Remember, all those songwriters and the plethora of broken hearts they use as fodder. What adults neglected to tell us guys as children, was that a wife's love does not last forever, and that, when the money goes the wives go................................. Best regards, Your buck up friend Frank |
So, I wrote a letter to Wendy Stewart, a social worker at the Royal Ottawa Hospital's anger-disorders clinic, and also to the Editor of the Ottawa Citizen newspaper.
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From: Simon Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2005 19:37:55 -0800 To: Wendy Stewart Subject: When men kill women Ms. Stewart: You were quoted in the Ottawa Citizen 2006-05-29 that "very many male abusers thank irrationally about their families", and that "there are very few programs to help abusive men whose partners are leaving them think rationally about their futures". The Editorial goes on to say: "But as to why some men - some previously abusive, some not - react homicidally to the end of a relationship, Ms. Stewart says she can't be sure." Well, thanks to my own family crisis, I now understand exactly how those men were feeling, and I have figured out why men do violent things. The assumption that most men in such situation were "abusive" is completely wrong. For me, it was my wife's unilateral action due to her mental illness (not mine!) that caused the family break-up. Fortunately, there has been no homicide in my family's case (yet), except for my own suicide attempt. To my surprise, an acquaintance of mine told me that he had an almost identical situation to mine, except for the suicide attempt. There has been no history of abuse whatsoever by either of the men (Frank and me) against the respective wives, towards whom there was nothing but love. Somehow, when a woman finishes child bearing (with the man's sperm) and child rearing (with the man's labour and/or money), coupled with the decrease in her sexual desire, the wife seems to feel that there is no need for a husband. This thought leads first to the wife's leaving the husband no matter what and how, followed by the husband's desperation which may lead to homicide/suicide in some unfortunate cases, regardless of the existence of previous abuse. Therefore, before labelling the men "abusive", the women's psychology of such irrational behaviour must be analysed, studied and explained, possibly by the change in their biochemistry, i.e., neurotransmitters and/or hormones associated with menopause. Thank you very much for your attention. Merci de votre attention. Simon |
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Simon
Simon,
Regarding the article about abusive husbands murdering their spouses.
I think that is a far cry from someone who was not abusive and in the process of separation/divorce, murders their family/spouse as a direct result of depression.
Abusive spouses that murder their spouses definitely need help and the majority are men who murder their ex/separated wives. I do believe that we need preventative measures in place and more protection. It would be good to be able to provide treatment for these men but I don't think many are willing to accept treatment voluntarily and I do feel it has to do with more than loss.
I really don't know anything about abusive people but because they are abusive does not mean they are mentally ill.
Can you post the full article about schizophrenia for us?
How are things going for you lately, Simon?
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Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)
Came looking for the article and realized you did post it all and it was a full page ad! Good for the Royal Ottawa Hospital!
Simon,
What's happening in your life? How are the kids doing?
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Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)
Was shown at the Madness Festival in 2005 if I remember correctly, both Pierre and Philippe were present. I bought his small book of poetry, which is somewhat nice but not monumental, and I was very saddened by the film, it hurt that the family had reconciled themselves to the fact that their brother was on the street..Would they have reacted the same, if it was their sister ?
We should aim for a better life for our ill relatives.
I went to le Conférence à l'intention des familles ayant un proche atteint d'une maladie mentale entitled "Comprendre le cerveau d'un ado" at le Centre hospitalier Pierre-Janet with my 12-year old daughter who is 3 months away from officially becoming an adolescent. The speaker was Dre Ginette Goulard, Psychiatrie.
I communicated with Lucy, whom I found in Perfectmatch.com, and we both have great mutual romantic interest, which may finally lead to the end of my depression and the start of a bright future. I promised her that when I run out of the remaining 7 pills, I will not take any more anti-depressants. The prospect is so good that I started to cancel the subscription to some matchmaking websites.
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Simon
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Drug firms keen to gain from mental 'disorders' The Ottawa Citizen Published: Friday, June 09, 2006 Re: Road rage identified as a mental disorder, June 6. From May to September 1963, I did my first internship at a psychiatric hospital in Weyburn, Saskatchewan. One of my first patients was a young woman who had been hospitalized for many reasons, but whose main symptom was hysterical paralysis of her right arm and hand. Using hypnosis, I was able to "cure" her "paralysis." When I informed her that I was soon to return to Ottawa to continue my formal training, her "paralysis" recurred. Today hysterical paralysis is extremely rare. Do not believe for a moment that psychotherapists such as me, through diligent research and practice, have wiped this mighty scourge from the face of the planet. There is not a Jonas Salk among us. What has happened, it seems, is that hysterical paralysis has fallen out of fashion. Just this morning I read the latest of the latest: "Road rage identified as a mental disorder." Woe is me: I think I have another mental disorder! If a child has trouble sitting still for periods of time that are unreasonable to expect, he or she has attention-deficit disorder (ADD). If an adult is experiencing major turmoil in his or her marriage, the magic words presented to the psychotherapist are "I am depressed." Instead of probing the antecedents to the marital strife and attempting to resolve them, grab the DSM IV (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual) and pick a label, any label. Then medicate, medicate, medicate! If the reader concludes that I am poking unnecessary jibes at the DSM IV, the authors of which determine what is and what is not a mental disorder, I draw your attention to the fact that an inordinate number of these scientists have an unusually high rate of direct and indirect connections to pharmaceutical conglomerates. And the remedies they recommend? Drugs and more drug therapy. In fact, it seems to me that all we know about mental disorders is that some people say other people have them. Caveat emptor. Dr. Dov Vinograd,Ottawa © The Ottawa Citizen 2006 |
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Simon
I had an appointment at the Royal Ottawa Hospital with my psychiatrist this morning. The doctor told me that I must become an "island of stability" for the kids. In a crisis, I should not deny or project anger, but face the situation with grace. He reiterated the importance of a symbolic break from the past.
When I mentioned a geriatric psychiatrist's comment about schizophrenia patients getting better with age, the doctor said that even with treatment, medication will not be as effective for psychosis as for depression.
The doctor gave me a prescription for anti-depressant at 1/2 dosage for 1 week so that I can survive the symptoms of withdrawal. However, I decided to spend the limited amount of money on the subscription fees for matchmaking websites instead. I will resort to "spiritual anti-depressant" by emptying my mind, as suggested by Lucy.
Although I am having a tough time fitting into pants and shorts, my weight is stable at 70 kg. Since I have been eating 3 or 4 pieces of NutriPuck™ at almost every meal since 2006-05, I can better control the calorie intake.
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Simon
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The Parables of Kryon • http://www.kryon.com/cartprodimages/downloadParables01.html • http://www.kryon.com/cartprodimages/downloadParables02.html • http://www.kryon.com/cartprodimages/downloadParables03.html • http://www.kryon.com/cartprodimages/downloadParables04.html |
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Simon
My parents are visiting the house for 2 weeks. They are still concerned about my wife's mental health with paranoid delusions, while her own parents are still hiding the truth at any cost, and are happy to see their daughter projecting an appearance of normalcy to the neighbours and to the colleagues at her office. To them, giving her medical treatment for paranoid delusions is not a priority at all as long as she makes a good salary. I am absolutely disgusted by their behaviour, but such is the enormous power of stigma towards mental illness. God help them grow their nano-brains, please!
I became upset with my daughters who did not show respect towards cleanliness in the house because I always end up cleaning up the house. I became extremely angry when they called my wife and escaped to her apartment when I wanted to discipline them. They are treating my house as a nice hotel where somebody else (me) cleans up the mess that they make. I was very sad that the ad hoc custody arrangement with maximum flexibility has turned out to be an escape hatch for the kids. I felt like abandoning them altogether.
Last week, I responded to an advertisement in the Ottawa Citizen newspaper about a cholesterol research study at the Riverside Campus of the Ottawa Hospital. Since I had finished the depression research study at the Royal Ottawa Hospital from which I received $200 CAD, I wanted to profit from the cholesterol research study, too. However, the results from the blood test showed an elevated level of LDL (bad cholesterol), but also a slightly elevated level of HDL (good cholesterol). Therefore, I do not qualify for the cholesterol research study which is looking for people with low HDL level. I was happy to receive a coupon for "unlimited amount" for a breakfast, with which I bought 2 kg of salad which was worth $44 CAD. :-)
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Simon
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Disorder in borderland Janice Kennedy, The Ottawa Citizen Published: Sunday, July 09, 2006 There are only memories now. And pictures, of course. Fading photographic glimpses into the universal narrative of every happy family. ... But that didn't stop May 3, 1993, from happening. "She just wasn't functioning inside," says her sister. "And people didn't know." ... "We always said Cathi had different thoughts. Her viewpoints on lots of things were different. Everybody knew it, but nobody knew what to do about it." ... Janice Kennedy is a senior writer at The Citizen. © The Ottawa Citizen 2006 |
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Simon
My parents left last Thursday morning. Thanks to their tremendous help in cleanup, painting, caulking, etc., the house is now in a presentable condition, both inside and outside. We also cut trees and hedges which my ex-wife had planted in order to hide from "surveillance and spying" by the neighbours. I made blood donation in the afternoon.
I had an appointment at the Royal Ottawa Hospital with my psychiatrist this afternoon. It turned out that the doctor is leaving the uOttawa Institute of Mental Health Research. So, it was my very last visit to the Royal Ottawa Hospital. I reported to him that without anti-depressant medication for 4 weeks, sadness and occasional temper are back, but that I am coping well. He told me that it is normal, and that I am on my own. I wanted him to refer me to the Ottawa Eye Institute for my vision problem, but he told me that I have to get a reference from a general practitioner. Since I do not have a family doctor, I must go to a walk-in clinic.
When I mentioned that my 15-year old daughter has jealousy and suspiciousness, he told me that despite a genetic factor, paranoid delusions would show up for women in her late 20's to early 30's. I thanked him for putting my life back on track, and gave him my product as a token gift.
Meanwhile, I am planning a next business trip to FL by car with a stop in NY so that I could meet Lucy to see if there is any spark between us. Meanwhile, ms_web wants to become a business partner with me instead of a romantic partner. So, something good may finally be happening in my life.
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Simon
Hi Metar,
I don't have too much knowledge about antipsychotic medications, as my wife is not medicated. However, the functions of these medications are to change neuron activities in the brain.
My view to schizophrenia has changed a lot through past 6 years. About 5 years ago, some one posted a question in a forum about "which illness is worse: cancer or schizophrenia?" I remember that everyone that participated chose schizophrenia, including me, since my wife's sz sypmtoms were very bad at that time. The logic is that, for cancer, we know that the suffering will at least have an end, but not in schizophrenia. However, if someone ask me the same question today, I will choose cancer, as my wife's sz symptoms are much mild now.
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"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it" -- Helen Keller
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My view to schizophrenia has changed a lot through past 6 years. About 5 years ago, some one posted a question in a forum about "which illness is worse: cancer or schizophrenia?" I remember that everyone that participated chose schizophrenia, including me, since my wife's sz sypmtoms were very bad at that time. The logic is that, for cancer, we know that the suffering will at least have an end, but not in schizophrenia. However, if someone ask me the same question today, I will choose cancer, as my wife's sz symptoms are much mild now. |
Here is an excerpt from the film "The General's Daughter (1999)".
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• Brenner: What's worse than rape?
• Moore: When you find that out, you'll know everything.
... • Brenner: I once asked Moore what was worse than rape. Now I know - Betrayal. |
What's worse than mental illness? In my case, it was Betrayal by my in-laws due to their Stigma.
My parents are still concerned about my wife's mental health with paranoid delusions, while her own parents are still hiding the truth at any cost, and are happy to see their daughter projecting an appearance of normalcy to the neighbours and to the colleagues at her office. To them, giving her medical treatment for paranoid delusions is not a priority at all as long as she makes a good salary. I am absolutely disgusted by their behaviour, but such is the enormous power of stigma towards mental illness. God help them grow their nano-brains, please!
Observing their behaviour of interpreting mental illness as a personality conflict reminded me of the following quote which is attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt.
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• Great minds discuss ideas. • Average minds discuss events. • Small minds discuss people. |
My 12-year old daughter described my circumstance as "worse than dead". Now she knows everything...
So, my advice is to separate and divorce your spouse as soon as you realise that he/she has been irreversibly consumed by mental illness and he/she refuses medical treatment. Leave the old life as completely as possible, especially the in-laws, and seek a new partner/lover/spouse. Also, never waste money on blood-sucking lawyers. Here is my conclusion after the struggle with my wife's mental illness.
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• LOVE CANNOT OVERCOME MENTAL ILLNESS. • THERE IS NO LOGIC OR REASONING IN PARANOID ILLUSIONS. • THERE IS NO POINT IN EDUCATING PEOPLE WITH STIGMA. • MENTAL ILLNESS OF A SPOUSE IS NOT WORTH THE EFFORT. • MENTAL ILLNESS OF A SPOUSE IS A LOST CAUSE. • ... |
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Simon
Hi Simon,
Thanks for your advice. I have followed all your early posts and I am sorry for what happened to you.
I support your decision and fully understand your feeling right now.
Schizophrenia has also caused a bit burden to my family both emotionally and financially. I truly understand your feeling of "worse than dead", as I experienced a similar circumstance before. Be honest to you, I did have some moments of thinking to leave my wife 6 years ago when everything went upside down. However, I decided to stay as I realized that schizophrenia may not be an illness that is totally hopeless.
Although still having some ups and downs, my wife's symptoms are continuously improving year over year, even without medication. I credit this mainly to my understanding about this illness, positive family supports and love. In my case, both her side and my side of relatives are all very supportive. I'm, in fact, fairly optimistic about our marriage and relationship in the future.
Again, I thank you for your advice and wish you good.
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"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it" -- Helen Keller
Thank you for your understanding, JD.
If you recall, Oscar and I vowed never to give up. Sadly, both of us ended up giving up the quest to save our respective families...
Last year, I took a legal action to give my wife medical treatment on the basis that she was a danger to herself of committing suicide. It turned out, however, that I ended up making a suicide attempt myself (2005-11-05) due to unexpected attack from unexpected people (in-laws, lawyers).
Even after my lawyer's order to stop the post to Schizophrenia Discussion Board Forum last fall, I have kept writing a diary in blog format as it was/is happening.
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• http://www.hyperinfo.ca/Auction/SurveillanceAndSpying_2005.html • http://www.hyperinfo.ca/Auction/SurveillanceAndSpying_2006.html |
I had been hoping for a happy ending of course, but that was not the case. I still wish to find a way to publish my story someday somehow in order to help other people in similar situations...
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Simon
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The neutrality trap Leonard Stern, The Ottawa Citizen Published: Saturday, July 22, 2006 ... It used to be, for example, that police officers adopted a neutral approach to wife abuse. Officers would show up to find the woman bloodied, then decide not to take sides in the "dispute." No doubt wife-beaters long for the days of official neutrality. As Elie Wiesel put it, neutrality means siding with the victimizer, not the victim. ... © The Ottawa Citizen 2006 |
Here is the analogy of stigma towards mental illness that I experienced, to make my life "worse than dead".
• "wife abuse" -> "separation due to mental illness"
• "the woman" -> "me"
• "victimizer" -> "my wife"
• "police officers" -> "my in-laws"
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Simon
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Yates verdict reflects a healthy evolution USA TODAY Editorial/Opinion When John Hinckley was found not guilty by reason of insanity in 1982 for the attempted assassination of President Reagan, the verdict set off a public furor. Outraged senators summoned jurors to Capitol Hill for an explanation. A few states abolished the insanity defense, wiping away what had been a principle of Anglo-American law for centuries - that people shouldn't be harshly punished for actions over which they have no control. This week, the public reacted with restraint and compassion to the acquittal by reason of insanity of Andrea Yates, a suburban Houston housewife who, on June 20, 2001, methodically drowned her five children in a bathtub. The comparatively muted response in this horrifying case signals a healthy shift in attitudes toward mental illness and an evolution in the law. In the 1980s, new restrictions ended the most blatant abuses of the insanity defense. Most states found a middle ground that allowed defendants like Yates who are truly sick to use the defense, while blocking sane criminals from trying to getting off the hook by claiming "temporary insanity." Many states, however, are still wrestling with how to balance protection for society with treatment for the insane who commit crimes. These states fail to guarantee a specific period of treatment, protect the public from a precipitous release, or properly monitor people who are released. Led by Oregon, several states have struck an appropriate balance. Their laws ensure that defendants get treatment and remain under the jurisdiction of the courts for a period commensurate with their crimes. A specific authority - in Oregon, it includes a public representative - monitors them after release, ensures that they continue to get treatment and can order their return to a hospital if needed. These protections make the public more supportive of insanity verdicts. So do logical labels. Several jurors in Yates' case said they would rather have found she was "guilty, but insane." That wording does not exist under Texas law: It is "not guilty by reason of insanity." Here, too, Oregon has the right idea; it allows a verdict of "guilty except for insanity." Yates is the very type of defendant for whom insanity laws were written. She was clearly sick in 2001. She had attempted suicide twice. She battled depression, heard voices and was on and off psychotic drugs. Just as surely, she is guilty of a heinous crime. In such cases, the law has two duties: to show compassion and protect the public. Society has come a long way since the acquittal of Hinckley, who said he shot Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster and who remains in a Washington mental hospital. The law needs to come a bit further. |
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Simon
I made a 3-in-1 trip with my 2 daughters to the U.S.A. Firstly, we stopped in New York to meet Lucy. Secondly, I had a 2-day business meeting at a TV studio in Florida. Thirdly, my daughters enjoyed a vacation in Florida, i.e., bathing on the beach and visiting the Kennedy Space Centre in Cape Canaveral. I was proud to have driven a total of 5 600 km during the 1-week long trip, mostly at the velocity between 130 km/h and 140 km/h. Just before re-entering Canada, however, I received a speeding ticket (73 mph in a 55 mph zone).
I bought 4 containers of Melatonin in the U.S.A. because the human hormone is illegal for sale in Canada. It is permitted to import Melatonin into Canada for personal use.
After the trip was over, Lucy informed me that she did not feel a spark toward me despite my strong feeling of love toward her, so I was devastated. Because Lucy was so promising, I had cancelled most of the match-making and dating websites. So, I joined Bride.RU, and resumed the desperate search for a soul-mate.
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• Belle (SciConnect.com, 28, Atlanta/Ottawa, GA/ON) -> Rejection • Julie (SciConnect.com, 42, New York, NY) -> Rejection • Sweet Something (SciConnect.com, 33, ON, Canada) -> No response • Cristina (Skype, 32, Guaíra, Brazil) -> Maybe not • Alla (Bride.RU, 39, New York, NY) -> No response • Anna (Bride.RU, 32, Saint Petersburg, Russia) -> No response • Ekaterina (Bride.RU, 26, Krasnoyarsk, Russia) -> No response • Ekaterina (Bride.RU, 35, Saratov, Russia) -> No response • Elena (Bride.RU, 30, Saint Petersburg, Russia) -> No response • Elena (Bride.RU, 38, Yoshkar-Ola, Russia) -> No response • Galina (Bride.RU, 39, Montreal, QC) -> No response • Galina (Bride.RU, 42, Montreal, QC) -> No response • Inna (Bride.RU, 35, Cherkassy, Ukraine) -> Connection! -> No response • Inna (Bride.RU, 34, Moscow, Russia) -> No response • Inna (Bride.RU, 35, Gomel, Belarus) -> No response • Irina (Bride.RU, 39, Moscow, Russia) -> No response • Lilia (Bride.RU, 30, Moscow, Russia) -> No response • Lyudmila (Bride.RU, 33, Kharkov, Ukraine) -> No response • Marina (Bride.RU, 33, Moscow, Russia) -> No response • Marina (Bride.RU, 35, New York, NY) -> No response • Nadezhda (Bride.RU, 37, Perm, Russia) -> No response • Natalia (Bride.RU, 31, Samara, Russia) -> No response • Oksana (Bride.RU, 31, Moscow, Russia) -> Maybe not • Oksana (Bride.RU, 32, Ekaterinburg, Russia) -> No response • Olga (Bride.RU, 36, Feodosiya, Ukraine) -> No response • Olga (Bride.RU, 35, Kharkov, Ukraine) -> No response • Regina (Bride.RU, 31, Naberezhnye Chelny, Russia) -> Connection! -> No response • Stella (Bride.RU, 39, Las Cruces, NM) -> No response • Svetlana (Bride.RU, 34, Volgograd, Russia) -> No response • Svetlana (Bride.RU, 36, Minsk, Belarus) -> No response • Tatiana (Bride.RU, 34, Nikolaev, Ukraine) -> No response • Tatiana (Bride.RU, 37, Kiev, Ukraine) -> No response • Tatiana (Bride.RU, 27, Kazan, Russia) -> No response |
Because of the trip, I was not able to participate in the "A STROLL in the PARK", organised by the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario. However, I intend to visit the "ART in STRATHCONA Park", also organised by the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario - Ottawa Chapter.
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Simon
Back to the mental hospital! I got a call from a nurse earlier this week about a new research study about the effect of nicotine on depression. I quickly volunteered to be a part of the study which is looking for non-smokers who would be given either a nicotine patch or a placebo patch during two 7-hour sessions.
I visited the Royal Ottawa Hospital today for a preliminary appointment. I had a brief interview with a psychiatrist who was very sympathetic with ex-wife's sad story. He said that such paranoid delusions are common, and only anti-psychotic drugs would lower the dopamine level in her brain as long as she takes the medication. He agreed with the other psychiatrist that I should stay away from my ex-wife, and hope that her paranoid delusions would deteriorate so that she would have no choice but to seek medical treatment. He pointed out a possibility that after a few years she might realise what she has done.
The nurse was understanding about my in-laws's stigma which made me attempt suicide and put me into a situation that is "worse than dead".
My weight was still stable at 70 kg.
As for my romantic quest, I am now focusing on Inna, who is a blonde psychology teacher in Ukraine, but there is no real connection.
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Simon
I went cycling with my 2 daughters to visit the "ART in STRATHCONA Park", organised by the Schizophrenia Society of Ontario - Ottawa Chapter. In last year's event, I was still deep in crisis. This time, I hugged and talked to the same volunteer who had given me advice last year. We both agreed that the "borderline case" is the toughest of them all. She told me that at her age, my ex-wife may never get medicated. She also encouraged me to take the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) course, which she teaches.
After we came back, the kids went back to my ex-wife's apartment which is about 3 km from my house. I decided to mow the lawn, but I must have accidentally touched a bee nest. I was swarmed by many bees, and I was stung at least 5 times. So, I was crying in pain. :-(
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Simon
My 12-year daughter tells me once in a while about my ex-wife, i.e., her plan to buy a house, the status of divorce papers, continuing "surveillance" on her, etc. Apparently, my ex-wife is preventing the kids from using audio-visual chat (iChat, Skype) for fear of "surveillance". When I hear about those reports from my daughter, I often become angry thinking back the events that has led to my worse-than-dead situation. I feel very guilty about shooting the innocent messenger.
I often inadvertently offend other people by negligence, but I was tremendously hurt by wilful attack by the former in-laws due to their stigma, especially after 18 years of my paying them respect. The emotional scar of such betrayal will never heal, even after I practice the teachings of "Escaping Emotional Entrapment", "The Parables of Kryon", etc.
Looking back the events of the past 18 months and the worse-than-dead situation, I became very sad. The effect of not taking SSRI anti-depressant is evident. My spirits go up only when I receive a message from a prospective match.
I joined ElenasModels.com, LoveTopping.net and Dream-Marriage.com in order to continue the desperate search for a soul-mate. I made contact with Marina who is a book-keeper, but there is no real connection. I am hoping to connect with Elena who is a blonde ecologist and a widow.
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• Anna (ElenasModels.com, 28, Obninsk, Russia) -> Rejection • Arina (ElenasModels.com, 37, Kiev, Ukraine) -> Rejection • Ekaterina (ElenasModels.com, 29, Kaliningrad, Russia) -> No response • Elana (ElenasModels.com, 36, Ozersk, Russia) -> Rejection • Elena (ElenasModels.com, 32, Sacramento, U.S.A.) -> Rejection • Elena (ElenasModels.com, 28, Gomel, Belarus) -> Rejection • Elena (ElenasModels.com, 35, Severodonetsk, Ukraine) -> No response • Ella (ElenasModels.com, 35, Penza, Russia) -> Connection! -> Meeting!! -> No response • Galina (ElenasModels.com, 39, Rubezhnoye, Ukraine) -> Rejection • irina (ElenasModels.com, 32, Vladivostok, Russia) -> Maybe not • Irina (ElenasModels.com, 35, Moscow, Russia) -> Rejection • Iryna (ElenasModels.com, 31, Uzhgorod, Ukraine) -> Connection! -> No response • Lena (ElenasModels.com, 31, Donetsk, Ukraine) -> Rejection • Marina (ElenasModels.com, 26, Yoshkar-Ola, Russia) -> Connection! -> No response • Marina (ElenasModels.com, 33, Barnaul, Russia) -> No response • Marina (ElenasModels.com, 32, Kazan, Russia) -> No response • Mariya (ElenasModels.com, 30, Perm, Russia) -> No response • Natali (ElenasModels.com, 31, Lugansk, Ukraine) -> Rejection • Natalia (ElenasModels.com, 27, Omsk, Russia) -> Rejection • Natalia (ElenasModels.com, 31, Kiev, Ukraine) -> Rejection • Oksana (ElenasModels.com, 26, Penza, Russia) -> Rejection • Olga (ElenasModels.com, 35, Gomel, Belarus) -> No response • Svetlana (ElenasModels.com, 35, Barnaul, Russia) -> No response • Svetlana (ElenasModels.com, 34, Barnaul, Russia) -> No response • Svetlana (ElenasModels.com, 35, Volgograd, Russia) -> Rejection • Tatiana (ElenasModels.com, 35, Kiev, Ukraine) -> Rejection • Tatiana (ElenasModels.com, 30, Kiev, Ukraine) -> Rejection -> Maybe -> No response • Tatsiana (ElenasModels.com, 33, Minsk, Belarus) -> No response • Valeriya (ElenasModels.com, 30, Saint Petersburg, Russia) -> Rejection • Yulia (ElenasModels.com, 36, Kiev, Ukraine) -> Rejection • Elena (LoveTopping.net, 32, Nikolaev, Ukraine) -> Maybe -> No response • Elena (LoveTopping.net, 29, Ivanovo, Russia) -> Connection! -> No response • Iryna (LoveTopping.net, 40, Berdyansk, Ukraine) -> Maybe -> Rejection • Inna (Dream-Marriage.com, 34, Pervouralsk, Russia) -> No response • Alena (Dream-Marriage.com, 32, Montreal, Quebec) -> No response • Valentina (Dream-Marriage.com, 26, Zhitomir, Ukraine) -> Maybe -> No response • Ekaterina (E-mail, 28, Cheboksary, Russia) -> Connection! -> Scam! |
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Simon
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Family, friends reeling as mother suspected of killing son Kate Lunau and Paul Cherry, Montreal Gazette Published: Wednesday, August 16, 2006 BURLINGTON, Vt. -- A Montreal woman suspected of murdering her eight-year-old son is in critical condition in a Vermont hospital, hospital sources confirmed. Louise Desnoyers, 48, entered the United States at 9 p.m. Monday evening with son Nicholas Desnoyers-Langlois. The 8-year-old's body was found about 7 p.m.Tuesday near the Vermont town Isle La Motte. Desnoyers was taken to the Northwestern Medical Centre in St. Albans for apparently self-inflicted injuries. She was later transferred to the Fletcher Allen Health Centre in Burlington. Vermont State Police are investigating. In Montreal, friends and relatives of the family had difficulty coming to grips with the news Wednesday. They said that while Desnoyers had suffered through at least one and possibly two long bouts of depression -- the most recent three years ago -- she was a very loving mother. "No one can foresee anything like this happening. It's so hard to believe," said Desnoyersís sister-in-law, Micheline Langlois. "She was a teacher and she loved children. I don't know -- maybe it was just a crazy moment, a depression." Celine Dancose, who lives near the family in Ahuntsic, described Desnoyers as her best friend. "(The family) would come to see us often and I sensed nothing," she said while recalling that Desnoyers was very supportive when Dancoseís husband died last month. Desnoyers attended his funeral with young Nicholas. "He had a little something to eat (during the visitation) and he came to see me. He hugged me and said, "Thank you very much, Celine." He also placed a beautiful drawing he had made in my husbandís coffin. (My husband) loved him," Dancose said and then took a long pause. "This is terrible." © Montreal Gazette 2006 |
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Simon
After fasting for 12 hours with no food or drink, I was still in bed when the taxi arrived to take me to the Royal Ottawa Hospital for the nicotine study. It was a nice sunny day, but I was placed in a small windowless laboratory, which reminded me of the torture chamber in an episode of Star Trek: The Original Series. I was given a nicotine patch on my back, together with a chocolate drink mixture with 10 large pills that temporarily lowers serotonin. The after-taste of the mixture was so bad that I begged the nurse for a gum. She checked with her boss and said that she would make the gum a new protocol.
After 5 hours of waiting for the various drugs to take effect, the researchers covered my head with 32 electrodes in a cap in order to monitor EEG. I filled out many questionnaires throughout the experiment. I did a series of concentration tests by staring at an orange dot, and cognitive tests by pressing the left button if I saw a number on the screen, and the right button if I saw a letter on the screen. I was embarrassed to make a few mistakes in such a simple task.
I was feeling OK up to that point. However, when I was shown a stack of paper to speak many depressing suggestions out loud for self-hypnosis, I gradually became very sad. Another stack of paper with suggestions that are meant to improve the mood did not help. Even though I was given a Tryptophan pill after the experiment was over, I left the hospital feeling depressed. By the time the nurse called me in the evening to check me up, I was feeling OK.
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Simon
It was the last of the 2 sessions of the nicotine study at the Royal Ottawa Hospital. This time, I handled hypnotic suggestions with the Depression Set followed by the Elation Set OK. I received $150 CAD for being in the torture chamber twice, but my true intention was to contribute to the progress of medical science, of course.
Coincidentally, I came across an article in the IEEE Spectrum magazine about applying electrodes to the brain, just like me during the experiments. In my case, the electrodes were for EEG measurement, while in the case of the Chinese hospital, the electrodes are for electrical shock therapy!
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China's e-Junkies Head for Rehab By Jen Lin-Liu Beijing hospital ward treats Internet addicts Qin Xinle's teenage son had stopped eating meals regularly and had refused to go to school. The boy's Internet addiction had gotten so bad he sometimes played online games for 24 hours without stop. Finally, at his wit's end, Qin piled his family into their car and drove 5 hours to Beijing, to check the boy into the Internet addiction center at the Beijing Military Clinic, which occupies space on the campus of the Beijing Military Region Central Hospital. Here, Qin's son wouldn't have access to the Internet or a phone for the next 20 days, and he wouldn't be allowed to leave. This, China's first in-patient Internet addiction center, often is fully booked. It currently is expanding its capacity from 40 to 300 beds, and it's being studied by other hospitals around the country, which plan to open similar wards. So widespread is the concern about teenagers falling prey to the Internet's allure, the central government has even sought to ban youths under the age of 18 from going to Internet cafés. What accounts for China's singular obsession with the cyberworld? Tao Ran, the head of the center's addiction ward, blames the country's crowded urban environment, with its dearth of outdoor space for sports and recreation. Qin, an IT salesman, seems to agree. "China's leapfrog development, where every two years creates a new generation, is causing problems like this." Patients who receive treatment at the center are usually male, between the ages of 13 and 18, though the hospital has also treated patients as old as 70. Tao, a 43-year-old psychologist who used to specialize in treating cigarette and alcohol addiction, saw his first Internet-addicted patient, a friend's son, in 2003. "All of a sudden we were faced with a new problem, and we didn't have a mature way of thinking about it," he says. Soon after, Tao shifted his focus to Internet addiction and now treats hundreds of patients a year. While patients are primarily from China's coastal areas, they have come from as far away as Taiwan and Malaysia, paying US $1000 for 20 days of treatment - a steep price for the average Chinese family. Patients are forced to give up the Internet cold turkey, with the help of counseling, physical activity, antidepressants, and even electrical treatments [see photo, "Shock Therapy"]. Patients are awakened promptly at 6:30 a.m. and go to bed at 10:00 p.m., a routine that helped one patient, Cheng Cheng. "When I was playing games at home, I didn't have a regular eating and sleeping pattern," he said on the day he was released. The Beijing hospital claims a success rate of 80 percent. A patient is deemed "cured" when, following treatment, Internet activity is limited to 1 or 2 hours a day. "Internet addiction is much easier to cure than a smoking or drinking addiction," according to Tao (who smoked several cigarettes during the interview). Tao, who graduated from Shanxi Medical University with a Ph.D. in psychology, says that China's Internet cafés have made themselves irresistible to many, sometimes offering dorm beds, drinks, and meals next to computer terminals. "I treated one patient who went into an Internet café in the fall and didn't come out until spring," says Tao. "He spent six months there." Shock Therapy: A device delivers 30-volt pulses to pressure points in a patient's brain, in this Beijing Internet addiction clinic.
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Simon
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The Devil Within David Carmichael has decided to speak publicly about the psychosis that took over his mind in the summer of 2004 and drove him to kill his son Kate Jaimet, The Ottawa Citizen Published: Sunday, August 27, 2006 In the summer of 2004, no one at a Toronto sports camp could have guessed that anything was wrong with David Carmichael. After all, what could make the devoted father happier than to have his 11-year-old son, Ian, enrolled in the same day-camp he was directing? And if Mr. Carmichael asked his employees to write some reports, or do a few other tasks that he would have normally handled himself -- well, wasn't it the director's prerogative to delegate? After all, Mr. Carmichael knew the business. He'd been director of national projects for the fitness program ParticipAction, before starting his own consulting company. David Carmichael was a pro. So no one guessed that, in that first week of July, Mr. Carmichael was delegating tasks to mask the fact he couldn't do them himself, couldn't organize his thoughts well enough to give a coherent talk to his staff. Couldn't focus his mind enough even to write a memo. No one outside his immediate family knew he awoke in the middle of the night with his heart racing, unable to sleep. That he barely had the energy to drag himself from bed to the shower each morning. No one -- least of all the man himself -- imagined that before the month was over, Ian would be dead and he would be in prison, charged with his son's murder. 'I cried for three days straight ... I could not believe what I did' The story continues on pages A6-7 © The Ottawa Citizen 2006 |
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'I've learned a lesson in the worst way possible' What drove a loving father to kill his son? Kate Jaimet, The Ottawa Citizen Published: Sunday, August 27, 2006 David Carmichael says his mind was "broken" in July 2004 when he killed his son. "I didn't realize it," says the 47-year-old Toronto father of two, his eyes filling with tears during an interview in the patients' lounge of the Brockville Psychiatric Hospital. "I've learned a lesson in the worst way possible. I miss my son every day ... My wife and I felt we had to get some important messages out there so we can prevent other families from going through the same tragedy." Mr. Carmichael's first experience with mental illness came in July 2003. Although both his mother, Doreen, and his identical twin brother, Jeff, had been diagnosed with clinical depression in the past, the illness hadn't touched David until that point. He had lived a happy, healthy life with his wife, Elizabeth Primrose and their children, Gillian and Ian. Mr. Carmichael found himself under a lot of stress prior to that bout with depression. Having lost his full-time job when the ParticipACTION program folded in January 2001, he'd gone into business as a sports and fitness consultant. With his wife helping him run the home-based business, the family had no external source of income. They lived contract-to-contract and in the spring of 2003, contracts were sparse. Mr. Carmichael worried about having enough money to keep the household going. That was when the mental symptoms began. "I lost weight very quickly. I was anxious. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and my heart would be beating like crazy. I couldn't write proposals. I just lost concentration and I lost my self-confidence in what I did on a day-to-day basis. I knew something was wrong," he recalls. Mr. Carmichael spoke to his mother and brother, who recognized the same symptoms they'd experienced when they'd been diagnosed with depression. Aware of his family history, Mr. Carmichael went to his doctor, who prescribed him 40 mg of Paxil a day -- the same drug he'd prescribed for Jeff Carmichael when he suffered his first depression. Paxil, a drug that works by boosting the brain chemical serotonin, had helped Jeff Carmichael recover from his depressions, and David hoped it would do the same for him. At first, the drug didn't seem to help at all. For a couple of days, Mr. Carmichael says he even felt worse, with vague thoughts of suicide entering his mind. "I thought each day, do I want to go on?" he recalls. But after a few weeks, the drug seemed to be taking effect. Mr. Carmichael felt better. And by September, when the contracts started coming in and his financial difficulties disappeared, Mr. Carmichael felt he had averted the crisis. By February 2004, he was feeling so good that, after forgetting to take his medicine for several days, he decided to wean himself off the drug. "I got a book from the library and I read about Paxil," he says. "I took myself down to 20 mg over three weeks, then I took myself right off. Then I told my doctor. I said I was off it, I was feeling good." Paxil is an expensive drug -- a two-month prescription costs more than $200 -- and Mr. Carmichael had a full prescription left over when he stopped taking it. Instead of throwing the medicine away, he put the leftover tablets somewhere safe -- just in case he needed them again. He would feel that need just five months later. In the spring of 2004, with contracts rolling in and his financial difficulties resolved, Mr. Carmichael was busy. But much too busy. His major contract was organizing a sports event for kids at Toronto's Air Canada Centre. The Action Sports Fun Zone involved BMX biking, skateboarding, and inline skating. He was also juggling several smaller contracts and had hired a few teenagers to build a half-pipe in his backyard for Ian to practise tricks on his BMX bike. The teenagers were sleeping in the Carmichaels' basement while they did the job -- taking over the exercise room where Mr. Carmichael normally worked out. He wasn't getting regular sleep or regular exercise. On top of that, he was concerned about his son. Ian was seeing a neurologist for seizures, the first suffered at Christmas 2003, the second just after New Year's. Ian was taking it hard and starting to behave roughly toward other children -- behaviour that worried his father and seemed out-of-character for the 11-year-old. When his stress levels began mounting early in the summer of 2004, Mr. Carmichael could feel the symptoms of his first depression coming back -- the sleeplessness, the anxiety, the loss of concentration, the lack of energy. Looking back, he knows that's when he should have slowed down, taken some time to take care of himself. But he felt he couldn't tell anyone outside his family -- especially anyone associated with his professional life -- about his medical condition. "If I'd have said, 'I have a broken leg, I need three weeks off,' I'd probably have got tremendous support," he reflects. "Instead of being honest and saying 'I need some time down,' I didn't tell any of them ... My major concern was if I'd have told them, I might lose contracts in the future ... I was afraid to tell people. I was afraid it would affect my career." On July 8, 2004, Mr. Carmichael took out his leftover pills, and started himself on Paxil again, without medical advice or supervision. "I thought I caught it early. I thought, I'll see my doctor (later). I thought all he was going to do was prescribe me drugs," he says. "I thought, I'll use this, go on 40 mg, it worked the first time. I'll be able to get through this." After a week on Paxil, Mr. Carmichael's symptoms weren't improving. If anything, they were getting worse. He was starting to think about suicide. He remembered that when his brother, Jeff, had suffered his second depression -- and checked himself voluntarily into the hospital -- he had been prescribed a higher dose of Paxil, 60 mg a day. On July 17, again without consulting a doctor, Mr. Carmichael increased his Paxil intake to 60 mg. He didn't think twice about the stronger dose. "I took my drug like I took an Aspirin," he says. But his condition was much more serious than a headache. Two days later, on Monday, July 19, he began to seriously plan his own death. He was in Toronto at the time. His mother was house-sitting for a friend and there was an SUV parked in the garage. He knew where he could get hoses to run to the exhaust pipe of the car. He could duct-tape everything shut, take sleeping medication and kill himself like that, he thought. But he didn't want his mother to find him dead. And what about his son, Ian? With all the problems he was having, would Elizabeth, his wife, be able to cope on her own? No, he decided. He couldn't just kill himself. He had to take Ian with him. For the rest of the week, he continued working at his job directing a sports daycamp in Toronto. That weekend, he and Elizabeth and their son went up to the family cottage. Their daughter, Gillian, was away at camp. Mr. Carmichael had it all planned out. When his wife, a triathlete, left to go for a run, he would take Ian out on the lake and drown him. It was going to be a "double clutch" drowning, Mr. Carmichael decided. They'd go out in the boat with no life jackets. He'd dive underwater and pull Ian down with him. But when he went to unpack his bag, Mr. Carmichael realized he'd forgotten his bathing suit. "I took it as a message from God that I wasn't supposed to die," he later remembered. Ian's life was spared -- but only for another few days. The next Monday, Ian had a heart-to-heart talk with his dad. He was upset about the seizures and the medication he had to take. On top of that, he was having trouble at school. He felt he couldn't do all the things the other kids could do. He thought there was really something wrong with him. Ian didn't know it, but when he innocently confided in his dad, Mr. Carmichael took those confidences and turned them into delusions. That whole week, Mr. Carmichael says he could think of nothing but Ian. He was convinced his son was in a living hell, that his brain was permanently damaged and would only get worse, that the brain damage would cause Ian to become violent, putting his mother and sister in danger. When he saw Ian push another child into the pool at camp, he felt his worst fears were materializing. Ian was becoming dangerous. He imagined him stabbing his sister with a knife. As a father, he felt there was only one thing left for him to do: Protect his family. And take his son out of his misery. That Friday -- July 30 -- Mr. Carmichael drove Ian to London. The neighbours assumed the two were going to a BMX bike rally. But there was no rally in London that weekend. Father and son checked into a hotel. They ordered room service and spent the evening watching videos and playing video games together. "We hugged, we held, we laughed," Mr. Carmichael recalls. All the time, he knew what he was planning to do. "I gave my son sleeping medication at 10:15 p.m.," he says, his voice taking on a confessional tone. "It made him hallucinate. He didn't fall asleep. I strangled him when he was conscious at 3 o'clock in the morning. "After I killed my son I kissed him on the lips. I said 'I love you, I'm really going to miss you, but you're in a better place now.' I was with his body for six hours before I called the police. Never cried. Thought I did the right thing. "I called the police, told them what I did. They came. They took me down to the station. They asked me about 20 times, 'Do you need a lawyer?' "'No, I don't need a lawyer. I'm ready to go to jail. Ready to start my 25 years.' "It doesn't make any sense, now. But it's hard for me to describe how much sense it made then. When you're delusional and psychotic, you have no idea that there's anything wrong with what you're thinking. As a father, I felt it was my mission to kill my son." For the next two weeks in his London jail cell, Mr. Carmichael remained convinced he'd done the right thing. Then, over a three-day period, it was as though a fog cleared from his mind. He realized the horror of his act. "When I came out of it, it was the most painful three days of my life. I cried for three days straight. I was shivering, I was so dehydrated from crying," he says. "I could not believe what I did ... For weeks I'd wake up in the morning in my jail cell, in total disbelief." On Sept. 26, 2005, at his first-degree murder trial in London, Mr. Carmichael pleaded not guilty by reason of mental illness in front of Superior Court Justice Helen Rady. Two psychiatrists -- John Bradford, hired by the defence, and Stephen Hucker, hired by the Crown -- both testified Mr. Carmichael was in a psychotic state when he strangled his son. Assistant Crown attorney Geoff Beasley agreed with the defence that Mr. Carmichael should not be held criminally responsible for the homicide. "The role of the Crown is not necessarily to be adversarial, but to act in the public's best interest," Mr. Beasley told the court. "This is, by anyone's standard, a tragedy." Judge Rady agreed, acquitting Mr. Carmichael of murder. Instead of a jail cell, Mr. Carmichael would be confined to a forensic hospital ward -- not to be released until, and unless, he no longer posed a danger to the public or to himself. What caused David Carmichael to go from loving father to psychotic killer? He believes it may have been a rare side-effect of the Paxil he took in the hopes of curing his depression. "I don't want to blame the pharmaceutical companies. Paxil has saved millions of lives," Mr. Carmichael says, adding his brother has been successfully treated with the drug. "But if I'd known that something this severe could have happened, I'd have been more responsible. I didn't realize the power of these mind-altering drugs." The theory that Paxil may cause violent psychosis -- which Mr. Carmichael's lawyer had also considered using as a defence in his trial -- has been put forward successfully once before in a court of law. On Feb. 13, 1998, a man from Cheyenne, Wyoming, Donald Schell, killed his wife, daughter, and his baby granddaughter after taking two Paxil tablets to treat his depression. He then committed suicide. Although GlaxoSmithKline -- the makers of Paxil -- argued in court that Mr. Schell's violent behaviour was caused by his depression and not the drug, a civil jury disagreed. The jury ordered GlaxoSmithKline to pay $6.5 million in compensation to the surviving relatives. In his book Prozac Backlash, published in 2000, Harvard University psychiatrist Joseph Glenmuller documented cases in psychiatric journals and in his own practice of disturbing side-effects linked to Prozac, Paxil, and similar antidepressant drugs, called selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, or SSRIs. He found cases of hallucinations, psychoses, violence, and attempted suicide among patients who took these drugs. In an interview with the Citizen, Dr. Glenmuller said he believes Paxil can cause the kind of homicidal, psychotic episode that happened to Mr. Carmichael. Although he warned that unravelling the effects of the depression from the effects of the drug can only be done by taking a detailed history of the patient, Dr. Glenmuller added: "If there's no history of a psychotic depression ... (and) if he rapidly ramps up the dose and becomes psychotic, it's reasonable to believe that's the drug, not the depression." The Canadian warning label for Paxil, approved by Health Canada in February 2006, reads in part: "A small number of patients taking drugs of this type may feel worse instead of better. For example, they may experience unusual feelings of agitation, hostility or anxiety, or have impulsive or disturbing thoughts, such as thoughts of self-harm or harm to others." And Paxil's February 2006 product monograph, a detailed document required of Health Canada for all drugs marketed in Canada, contains a list of "rare" side-effects, affecting fewer than one in 1,000 patients. These include delusions, hostility, psychosis, and psychotic depression. "Rare means one in a thousand, but if there's a million people on Paxil, that's a thousand people," Mr. Carmichael says. "It's a very rare possibility, but if it's a thousand out of a million people, are you trying to tell me that I'm not one of those thousand? Who are they? Where are they? Maybe they're dead. Maybe they're murder-suicides like Donald Schell." The only warning to doctors about the drug when Mr. Carmichael was first prescribed it in 2003 was about potential agitation when a patient stopped taking it. It wasn't until the following year that the medical profession was alerted to Paxil's potentially more serious side-effects. By that time, Mr. Carmichael was taking the drug again, but not under the supervision of his doctor. In May 2004, Health Canada ordered the pharmaceutical company to issue a warning letter to doctors about Paxil that the drug had been linked to side effects including "self-harm and harm to others" as well as hostility and aggression. It indicated that people taking the drug should be closely monitored for suicide. Mr. Carmichael's wife, Elizabeth, also believes Paxil caused her husband's psychosis. She says that whenever he went on the medication, he became very abrupt with her, agitated and couldn't sleep. "I remember saying, 'This isn't right for you,' but because his twin brother was on it, the doctor felt it was," she says. "Yeah, I do think it was the drug. David was a very loving father, not only for Ian, but for the community kids." Dr. Bradford, the Royal Ottawa Hospital psychiatrist who examined Mr. Carmichael when he was in jail in London, says he does not believe Paxil was a factor in causing the psychosis. He says a major depression, like the one Mr. Carmichael experienced, can develop into psychosis -- and that parents who kill their children are often psychotically depressed. "We've repeatedly seen this type of delusional belief, where the depressed psychotic parent, mother or father, believes they are alleviating suffering (by killing their child)," Dr. Bradford says. "That's the common presentation and that's occurred long before Paxil was on the market and it's occurred in people who've never been anywhere near Paxil." The fact that Mr. Carmichael's mother and his identical twin brother have a history of clinical depression indicates a strong genetic predisposition for depression with psychosis, Dr. Bradford says. Indeed, at Mr. Carmichael's trial, his brother Jeff testified that he, too, had once imagined killing himself and his son while in the grips of depression. Dr. Bradford believes the trajectory of Mr. Carmichael's mental illness began a full year before the killing, at the first onset of depression in June 2003. The treatment with Paxil alleviated some of the symptoms of the depression, but the illness was never cured. When Mr. Carmichael stopped taking the drug in February 2004, it allowed his illness to re-emerge, setting him on the path to an inevitable relapse. By the time Mr. Carmichael recognized his depression was returning in July, he was already on the downward spiral toward psychosis, Dr. Bradford says. At that point, he desperately needed professional treatment, not only with anti-depressants, but also with anti-psychotic drugs. Instead, he self-administered Paxil -- a drug that couldn't cure his psychotic depression, but could give him enough of an energy boost to carry out his deluded, homicidal plan. "What you've got is somebody who ... has now got some energy back, but their psychotic symptoms and their suicidal and homicidal ideation is still very strong," Dr. Bradford says. "And that's the recipe for disaster." At the Brockville Psychiatric Hospital, Mr. Carmichael greets visitors with a smile and a firm handshake. He speaks intelligently and coherently -- although very quickly, as though nervous. He seems like a normal guy. Too normal to have done what he did. His rehabilitation program at the psychiatric hospital includes treatment with the antidepressant drug Effexor, as well as psychotherapy, group therapy, and a self-imposed physical fitness regimen. He has become a strong proponent of the benefits of exercise on mental health. He's also become an advocate for removing the stigma around mental illness -- something he says that prevented him from admitting the seriousness of his medical condition and stopped him from seeking the professional help he needed. By telling his story now, he says he hopes to help raise public awareness about mental illness and its potentially devastating effects. He says his own illness is in remission and that he'll be working hard to prevent a relapse. In November, he and his treatment team of mental health professionals will appear before the Ontario Review Board, which has the power to grant new conditions, including the possibility of allowing him to leave the hospital and return home. Though it's been painful, he and Elizabeth have recently reconciled. He says that only the thought of his daughter, Gillian, has kept him alive through the past two years. Elizabeth wants him to come home. "Gillian and I, we don't know what's on the other side of the fence, but we're willing to try it. We need to heal as a family. "Ian had an amazing 12 years. Short, but amazing. Do I hold on to the past, or do I move forward? As much as I'd love to bury myself in a hole and think all day of Ian, I can't. I have another child to think of. And the same is true of David. He's better. They should let him go." And for David Carmichael, the hope is similar. "My greatest healing is with my family," he says. "My goal is to get back to Toronto, to be a husband and father again." © The Ottawa Citizen 2006 |
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Simon
I found a movie executive on website SciConnect.com, so I sent her an E-mail message proposing a film about a hidden mental illness that may strike anybody, not just a Nobel laureate in "A Beautiful Mind (2001)", and destroy an ordinary happy family. I emphasised that there is a strong educational value not only in enlightening the audience about paranoid delusions, but also in reducing stigma towards mental illness.
Unfortunately, she has not responded to my unsolicited proposal on a feature film "From a Hidden Tragedy to a Success (Drama)". :-(
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Simon
I attended a conference "Les troubles de la personnalité: schizoïde, schizotypique et paranoïaque" at le Centre hospitalier Pierre-Janet Wednesday evening. It reminded me once again that my ex-wife's symptoms exactly match the DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for paranoid personality.
A dear friend of mine forwarded to me the following wisdom.
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THE TONGUE CAN BE YOUR WORST ENEMY! • Your words, your dreams, and your thoughts have power to create conditions in your life. What you speak about, you can bring about. • If you keep saying you can't stand your job, you might lose your job. • If you keep saying you can't stand your body, your body can become sick. • If you keep saying you can't stand your car, your car could be stolen or just stop operating. • If you keep saying you're broke, guess what? You'll always be broke. • If you keep saying you can't trust a man or trust a woman, you will always find someone in your life to hurt and betray you. • If you keep saying you can't find a job, you will remain unemployed. • If you keep saying you can't find someone to love you or believe in you, your very thought will attract more experiences to confirm your beliefs. • If you keep talking about a divorce or break up in a relationship, then you might end up with it. • Turn your thoughts and conversations around to be more positive and power packed with faith, hope, love and action. • Don't be afraid to believe that you can have what you want and deserve. • Watch your Thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your Habits, they become character. Watch your Character, for it becomes your Destiny. • The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settle for. |
A friend of mine from the university days gave me a telephone call. He had lived in Canada's Capital Region, but he went to California, U.S.A., for more than 10 years. Now, his family is back to Canada in Waterloo, ON. He is much better off financially than I am, but he came back to Canada in order to raise his 2 kids in a better environment.
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Simon
Last week, my lawyer called me up for detailed information about my financial record for the division of assets.
Last weekend, I collected the leaves in the yard, and put them in 10 garbage bags. I will have to collect more leaves on the ground before the snow covers the ground in a few weeks...
This weekend, I visited my friend's family in Waterloo, ON. My 13-year daughter accompanied me, and helped me in a 6-hour drive.
My 15-year old daughter was demanding equal rights on something, so I gave her the following reality check.
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What are your mother's rights? • She had a right to leave the house without any consent. • She had a right to abandon the happy family. • She had a right to destroy your father's life which is now "worse than dead". • She has a right to 1/2 of the house so that your father will live in poverty. • She has a right to refuse medical treatment for paranoid delusions. What are your father's rights?• He had a right to commit suicide but failed 2005-11-05. • He has a right to try again and go to heaven. • He has a right to hate your mother, but your father does not hate her at all. • He has a right to wish the nanobrain in-laws to die and go to hell. • He has a right to ask the kids to understand the facts and remember the truth. Are they "equal rights"?? |
Now, I am seriously planning to visit Russia to meet Ella and her 6-year old son Anton.
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Simon
Today is the first anniversary of my suicide attempt (2005-11-05). To mark the occassion, I wrote a letter to "Dear Abby".
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Dear Abby: Today marks the first anniversary of my suicide attempt. In February 2005, my wife of 18 years suddenly told me that she no longer loved me and she wanted to separate. I did everything possible to change her mind, but she insisted that it was too late. She gathered her possessions, rented an apartment, and left the house in June 2005, abandoning me and our 3 kids (16, 14, 12). About 12 years ago (1994), my wife started to say that there was surveillance at the office. She believed that there was a microphone hidden in the house and in the car, feeding private conversations to the police which in turn told the colleagues at her office, so everybody at her office was talking about her private life. She heard voices from the ventilation system at her office. Whenever neighbours talked, she said that they were talking about her boss. Over the years, she had alienated her friends, colleagues, neighbours and even relatives due to her suspicion that they were spying on her. Last year, she cut me off because I was not believing her stories enough. I did not know until I sought help from a government counsellor that her condition (paranoid delusions, auditory hallucinations) is psychosis, possibly schizophrenia (paranoid type (295.30)). I suggested, advised, asked, demanded, and begged her to see a doctor, but she absolutely refused any medical help. She is perfectly normal in every other aspect, and is still making a good salary as a public servant. While I was doing everything to help my wife in order to save the happy family, my in-laws turned against me because I was seeking understanding from my wife's former colleagues and help from health care professionals (including 5 psychiatrists). Even though my in-laws knew the truth, they would rather do everything in their power to hide any mental illness in their family by blaming me for the separation than to help their own daughter/sister. Enormous stress from such unexpected behaviour led me to attempt suicide in November 2005. Abby, please inform the readers of the importance of mental health, and especially the devastating effect of stigma towards mental illness. -- Destroyed by in-laws's stigma, Canada |
I often discuss the effects of neurotransmitters with my 17-year old son. I would be proud of him if he had guts to experiment mind-altering drugs, as long as he would not be addicted or inhale smoke which causes cancer.
Meanwhile, I went to the Russian Embassy to make an application for a tourist visa. I also purchased an airline ticket to visit Moscow, Russia, to meet Ella between 2007-01-02 and 2007-01-08.
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Simon
It was the Memorial Day yesterday. Although the occasion is to honour the people who died in the wars, I selfishly paid tribute to the loss of our happy family in 2005 due to the tragedy of mental illness.
A dear friend of mine has sent me an article about mental traps.
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Trapped inside our minds The things we tell ourselves inside our heads may be a form of self sabotage Michelle DiPardo National Post Thursday, November 09, 2006 CREDIT: Brent Foster, National Post Saying the sunset is beautiful, is not the same as enjoying the beautiful sunset, says Andre Kukla in his book Mental Traps. Saying a sunset is beautiful instead of just enjoying it, sitting in a traffic jam willing cars to move, or continuing to read a book long after losing interest in it are all examples of what Andre Kukla sees as the "mental traps" that undermine enjoyment and sap productivity in modern-day living. Mental traps are habitual ways of thinking that suck our energy, take up enormous amounts of time, and contain nothing worthwhile, said Mr. Kukla, a 64-year-old professor emeritus of philosophy and psychology at the University of Toronto. "No one in modern society is entirely free of mental traps, we all have them to some degree or another," said Mr. Kukla, author of Mental Traps, a manual for the intelligent consumer. However, for the most part, people are not aware of the mental traps behind their actions. For example, you've been reading a book and discover you've lost interest in it. Instead of calling it a day and moving on, you persist and finish reading, just to achieve that feeling of completion. This is "persistence", one of the most persuasive traps, and the first of eleven mentioned in the book. By making a consorted effort to watch your thoughts, one can eliminate much of the stress and anxiety that comes along with daily life and gain a greater understanding of the thinking process, he said. "It's definitely a stress reducer. There are stressful emotions involved with a lot of mental traps," Mr. Kukla said. The main notion behind the book is the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, which refers to the process of being deliberately and non-judgmentally aware of your thoughts at all times. "Anyone who has any familiarity with Buddhism picks up on that right away," Mr. Kukla said. "Mindfulness is what it's all about." This is likely why North Americans, who are largely ignorant of this concept, seem to respond best to the book. Mr. Kukla said when he showed it to an Eastern Indian friend of his, she didn't really get it. "East Indians are mindful to begin with, they don't need this book," he said. The book also challenges popular wisdom which glorify mental traps like the proverb, "Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today." People, in particular North Americans, think and analyze too much, Mr. Kukla said. "I don't think it's practical to eliminate all mental traps, like deliberation. Sometimes you have to deliberate. But we deliberate far too much." Mr. Kukla said the book has existed in one form or another for over 20 years He tried publishing it about 10 years ago, but no one, he said, was interested. After "sticking it in a drawer" and forgetting about it, he waited until he thought the time seemed right. "There was some kind of change in public perception, there's big shift towards intelligent non fiction," he said. Mr. Kukla, who was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease eight years ago which forced him to take early retirement, practices what he preaches. He first identified the "mental traps" in himself. As more and more people read early drafts of the book and saw themselves in the traps, he realized he was on to something. "Friends and relatives all seemed very interested. Other people kept identifying with them. I discovered based on the reactions of other people that they had mental traps as well," Mr. Kukla said. Despite the obvious Buddhist references, the book has nothing to do with religion or mysticism, Mr. Kukla said. Aside from yoga and meditation, he doesn't engage in any spiritual activities. Mr. Kukla makes several suggestions as to how to eradicate these traps, but first we need to be convinced that they serve no useful purpose. "You can catch yourself thinking all kinds of wild, divergent thoughts. You hear a voice in your head talking and the voice is going through the thinking process and you aren't aware of it." he said. The book is available in bookstores now and Mr. Kukla if working on a follow-up. MENTAL TRAPSPERSISTENCE. Continuing to work on projects that have lost their meaning to us. This trap is often regarded by our society as a value. Example: Watching a bad television program to the end because since we've started it we should finish it. AMPLIFICATION. Working harder than necessary to achieve something. The means exceed what's required. Example: Rehearsing a speech so many times it becomes dull. FIXATION. Otherwise known as "killing time." Progress toward a certain goal is blocked. We continue to attend to a task that doesn't need attention. Example: Everything's ready for an 8 p.m. party, but it's 7:30. Instead of doing chores that need attention, we watch the clock for arrivals. REVERSION. Otherwise known as the "I should have" disease. Our plans have fallen through but we continue to think about them to the point of obsession. Example: We plan to see a film, and arrive at the theatre in time, only to find it cancelled. Whatever else we do, our thoughts constantly revert to the movie we didn't see. ANTICIPATION. We begin a task too soon. This trap opens up the door to overwork. Example: We're waiting for a letter of either rejection or acceptance and we already have two manufactured responses. If we had waited until the letter actually came, we would only have had to work half as much. RESISTANCE. Also known as the "let me just" disease. Our attention gets diverted, but we try to hold on to our familiar course of action. Example: We're grading papers while knowing we have to get to the store before it closes. Instead of letting the marking wait, we tell ourselves that we only have a couple left, we can rush to finish them. By the time we get to the store it's closed. We pay the price for resisting change. PROCRASTINATION. We decide to get something done, but have an incredible amount of difficulty in starting it. Example: We have to write a report, but we first organize our papers, then we clean our entire desk, and then do stretching. We have distracted ourselves from our primary task. DIVISION. Trying to do two things that require our attention together. Example: We are in the middle of a conversation while solving a financial problem. Neither task is given proper focus. ACCELERATION. Acting faster than the pace which is most advantageous to our task. Example: We try to fix a broken pipe in such a rush that it immediately breaks again. All our work has gone to waste, because we rushed. REGULATION. Instead of letting impulse guide us, we adjust our behaviour to what we think is proper. Example: It's 6 p.m. and we eat dinner, because it's "dinner-time", regardless of whether we're hungry. FORMULATION. We think or say something simply because it seems to be true. Example: We're watching a sunset and feel the need to say, "what a beautiful sunset." We are not content to just enjoy it. Ran with fact box "Mental Traps" which has been appended to the story. © National Post 2006 |
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Simon
c'etait le sujet d'une emission televisee d'Enjeux, un programme de Radio Canada le 18 Octobre 2006. Est-ce quel'qu'un a vu cetter emission et aimerait la commenter in English or in French.
J'essaie de comparer les differentes methodes pour soigner les grands malades au Quebec et en Ontario. Au Quebec les psuchiatres ont l'air d'avoir moins peur de leur ombre ? Oui ou non.
En Ontario ils ont peur d'etre traines en cour par les nombreux activistes du sud ouest de Toronto...
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Sportscaster's killer visited Ottawa in 2005 Paranoid schizophrenic admits showing 'lack of judgment' Andrew Seymour, The Ottawa Citizen Published: Thursday, November 16, 2006 PENETANGUISHENE - A paranoid schizophrenic who killed sportscaster Brian Smith travelled to Ottawa in June 2005, unbeknownst to his doctors or the brother with whom he was supposed to be living. An Ontario Review Board hearing was told yesterday that Jeffrey Arenburg, 49, came to Ottawa for three days to visit friends -- leaving his brother's home in Barrie while his sibling was away -- without telling anyone. At the time of the "impulsive" trip, Mr. Arenburg was on conditions that required him to report to a case manager from the mental health centre in Penetanguishene once a month, take a regular urine test, not consume alcohol or non-medical drugs and not own a weapon. While the trip did not violate the conditions since he was not under any travel restrictions, officials from the mental health centre said Mr. Arenburg acknowledged it showed a "lack of judgment." But Mr. Arenburg's psychiatrist said the trip was the only blip on what has otherwise been a remarkable recovery from the schizophrenic delusions that caused Mr. Arenburg to shoot Mr. Smith as he left work on Aug. 1, 1995. According to Dr. Robert Sheppard, Mr. Arenburg, who did not testify at yesterday's hearing, no longer poses a significant risk to the public. Mr. Arenburg no longer suffers any symptoms, has shown insight into his illness and the need to take his medication, Dr. Sheppard told the review board, which will decide whether Mr. Arenburg should be granted an absolute discharge. A decision is not expected for several weeks. Such a discharge would allow him the freedom to move anywhere without conditions. He would not be required to see a psychiatrist, although Dr. Sheppard said Mr. Arenburg realizes continued visits are critical to his continued recovery. "His illness is in complete remission. He is basically asymptomatic," said Dr. Sheppard, who explained Mr. Arenburg would like to move to Alberta to be closer to his daughter and find work. Mr. Arenburg, who was granted a conditional discharge from the maximum security Oakridge facility in May 2004, has lived with his brother in the Barrie area since 2003. But assistant Crown attorney David Russell argued an absolute discharge has the potential to create the same situation Mr. Arenburg was in when he shot and killed Mr. Smith. In the months leading up to the shooting, Mr. Arenburg appeared to be on his way to recovery when he apparently stopped taking his prescribed medication. He told doctors he began to suffer from noises in his head and they led him to stalk and gun down his victim. Mr. Arenburg has also been unable to find a job and is unable to support himself financially, Mr. Russell said, and should remain under a conditional discharge for at least another year until those issues are resolved. Mr. Smith's widow, Alana Kainz, fought back tears as she read a victim impact statement. "My grief is a life sentence. There is no absolute discharge, no conditional discharge," said Ms. Kainz, who spoke about suffering from depression and developing a problem with alcohol in the years since her husband's death. "My hope is that something like this never happens again to another family." Outside the hearing, Ms. Kainz said she believes the review board should err on the side of caution and the safety of the community. "I don't think he has really established himself yet as well enough to be completely discharged," said Ms. Kainz. But psychiatrist Dr. Phil Klassen, who independently examined Mr. Arenburg's file at the request of the Crown, said he does not believe him to pose a significant risk. "He's remorseful, he's regretful about what happened," added Dr. Sheppard. © The Ottawa Citizen 2006 |
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Simon
Here are print advertisements in the Ottawa Citizen by Schizophrenia Society of Ontario, Ottawa Chapter.
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Schizophrenia is a neuro biological brain disease affecting thinking, perception, mood and behaviour |
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30,000 Canadians suffer from schizophrenia |
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Untreated schizophrenia causes: • suffering • fear • family breakdown • homelessness |
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From: Simon Subject: Surveillance and Spying Date: November 18, 2006 17:34:10 EST (CA) To: Schizophrenia Society of Ontario, Ottawa Chapter <schizophrenia@ncf.ca> Sir/Madame: I have learned that paranoid schizophrenia is the most common type of schizophrenia, and that the prevalent theme of paranoid schizophrenia is "surveillance and spying". Before the crisis due to my wife's unilateral separation, my understanding of schizophrenia was that the patient experiences a total breakdown of mental capacity in which he/she cannot function properly at all. As such, I had never made any link whatsoever between spying and paranoid schizophrenia. I know now that paranoid schizophrenia can be hidden in any otherwise completely normal people, but a catastrophe/disaster/fiasco/tragedy is waiting to happen suddenly... Thus, I would like to propose a slogan for a public education campaign: • Suspicion of being spied on is a sign of schizophrenia!Please consider the slogan for your next advertisement, so that other people would not have to wait 12 years before realising that their loved ones have schizophrenia. Thank you very much for your attention. Merci de votre attention. Bien à vous. Simon |
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Simon
And I have come up with another slogan.
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In-laws's stigma towards schizophrenia causes: • a family tragedy • a personal destruction of a spouse • a suicide attempt by a spouse • a spouse living in a situation "worse than dead" |
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Simon
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Arenburg wins absolute discharge Broadcaster's killer free to live without restrictions Andrew Seymour, The Ottawa Citizen Published: Tuesday, November 21, 2006 The man who shot and killed Ottawa broadcaster Brian Smith is free to live wherever he chooses without restrictions after being granted an absolute discharge from the mental health centre in Penetanguishene yesterday. The Ontario Review Board granted Jeffrey Arenburg the discharge after hearing evidence last Wednesday that the 49-year-old paranoid schizophrenic no longer posed a significant risk to the community and should be released from the mental health centre's care. The reasons for the review board's decision are not expected to be released for several weeks. However, two psychiatrists who examined Mr. Arenburg testified at last week's hearing that he shows insight into his illness and the importance of taking his medication, and no longer suffers from the delusions and other symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia that prompted him to stalk and kill Mr. Smith as he left work at CJOH on Aug. 1, 1995. "How could they make an important decision like that so soon?" Mr. Smith's tearful widow, Alana Kainz, asked yesterday, saying the review board's decision and the speed with which they reached it, "hurt." Ms. Kainz attended the hearing and read an emotional victim impact statement into the record about how her husband's death sent her into a downward spiral of alcohol abuse and depression. She has fought tirelessly for change, lobbying the government for tougher laws and arguing against Mr. Arenburg's outright release. "I'm at a point where I have done all that I can do," said Ms. Kainz, fighting back tears as she spoke. "If it happens again, I've done all I can." During the hearing, the Crown argued that giving Mr. Arenburg an absolute discharge has the potential to create the same situation he was in before Mr. Smith's shooting. In the months leading up to the shooting, Mr. Arenburg appeared to be on his way to recovery when he apparently stopped taking his prescribed medication. He told doctors he began to suffer from noises in his head and they led him to gun down his victim. Mr. Arenburg, who was found not criminally responsible in 1997 for Mr. Smith's death, has been unable to find a job and can't support himself financially, which could lead to added stress and a possible relapse, the Crown argued. The Crown also questioned how the mental health centre could consider Mr. Arenburg a significant risk to the public at his 2005 review board hearing, but change its opinion so dramatically in a year. "The Crown's position was the offender should remain on the conditional discharge in order to maintain the review board's jurisdiction and the hospital's supervision," said Brendan Crawley, spokesman for the Ontario Ministry of the Attorney General yesterday. The Crown has 15 days from release of the board's written reasons to appeal the ruling. Mr. Crawley could not say what action, if any, the Crown might take. Mr. Arenburg was granted a conditional discharge in May 2004, which required him to report to mental health centre staff in Penetanguishene once a month, take a regular urine test, not consume alcohol or non-medical drugs and not own a weapon. He was required to live in Barrie with his brother, where he has been since 2003. The review board's decision means all of those conditions have now been removed and Mr. Arenburg is free to move wherever he likes. He is not required to visit a psychiatrist, although Dr. Robert Sheppard from the mental health centre testified Mr. Arenburg has already found a doctor willing to treat him in Barrie. Dr. Sheppard said Mr. Arenburg also realizes continued care is critical to his well-being and recovery. A second psychiatrist, Dr. Phil Klassen, testified that even if the "worst" happened and Mr. Arenburg went off his medication, it likely would be months before "serious violence" might occur. By then, friends, relatives or medical professionals should notice the change in his demeanour. However, if Mr. Arenburg were to stop taking his medication, there is nothing the review board could do, now that the absolute discharge has been granted. Attempts yesterday to reach Mr. Arenburg and his lawyer, James Lunnie, were unsuccessful. During the hearing, the review board heard how Mr. Arenburg hoped to move to Alberta to find work and be closer to his daughter. aseymour@thecitizen.canwest.com© The Ottawa Citizen 2006 |
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Simon
On October 18 Radio Canada television broadcast a very controversial, for us Ontarians anyway documentary.
It was part of the Enjeux program, it was called: Les Delires meurtriers, told of similar stories but showed a different path to rehabilitation. I gathered that the perpetrators were mandatorily sent to Le centre d'hebergement l'entre-toit. By googling le centre d'hebergement l'entre-toit, I found an article written by la Faculte des arts et des sciences de Montreal describing the treatment protocole at l'Entre-toit and the follow-up after these persons are discharged. The Quebec press seems opposed, but what do the population at large know about mental illness.
I wonder why the Ottawa citizen did not profer a comparison between the two Provinces's approach.
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On October 18 Radio Canada television broadcast a very controversial, for us Ontarians anyway documentary. It was part of the Enjeux program, it was called: Les Delires meurtriers, told of similar stories but showed a different path to rehabilitation. I gathered that the perpetrators were mandatorily sent to Le centre d'hebergement l'entre-toit. By googling le centre d'hebergement l'entre-toit, I found an article written by la Faculte des arts et des sciences de Montreal describing the treatment protocole at l'Entre-toit and the follow-up after these persons are discharged. The Quebec press seems opposed, but what do the population at large know about mental illness. |
Thank you for pointing us to the Enjeux programme on Radio-Canada. You can watch "Les délires meurtriers" at the following webpage.
• http://www.radio-canada.ca/actualite/v2/enjeux/niveau2_liste99_200610.shtml|
I wonder why the Ottawa citizen did not profer a comparison between the two Provinces's approach. |
"Ottawa Citizen" is in fact a busy reporter who may not be interested in such an in-depth comparison on any particular topic. :-(
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Simon
Last Friday, I went to the Russian Embassy to pick up my passport with the tourist visa in order to visit Russia in early January 2007. Ella is traveling from Penza to Moscow to meet me at the airport. I have reserved an apartment for 6 nights in Moscow, so I am all set for one of the most important trips of my life.
Since I cannot afford to repeat such a trip, I am making a contingency plan, just in case Ella and I cannot get along with each other. However, the probability of such a fiasco at this advanced stage is less than 1 ppm.
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• Galina (ElenasModels.com, 34, Moscow, Russia) -> Connection! -> Meeting!! • Inna (ElenasModels.com, 37, Moscow, Russia) -> Maybe -> Rejection • Irina (ElenasModels.com, 31, Shopokov, Kyrgyzstan) -> No response • Olga (ElenasModels.com, 37, Philadelphia, PA) -> Maybe -> No response • Olga (ElenasModels.com, 36, Cheboksary, Russia) -> No response • Oksana (ElenasModels.com, 27, Vinnitsa, Ukraine) -> No response • Irina (ElenasModels.com, 32, Syzran, Russia) -> No response • Anna (ElenasModels.com, 34, Ivanovo, Russia) -> No response • Anna (ElenasModels.com, 37, Chishinau, Moldova) -> No response • Juliana (ElenasModels.com, 27, Odessa, Ukraine) -> No response • Janet (SciConnect.com, 37, Anchorage, AK) -> Maybe -> Rejection • Odysswoman (SciConnect.com, 37, Toronto, ON) -> Rejection • Michele (SciConnect.com, 41, Pasco County, FL) -> Connection! -> No response • Katya (SciConnect.com, 32, Baltimore, MD) -> Connection! -> Rejection • Melena7AB1 (Date.ca, 38, Ottawa, ON) -> Rejection • Palika08B0 (Date.ca, 34, Saint-Laurent, QC) -> Rejection • Alexa256 (Date.ca, 25, West Chester, PA) -> Maybe -> No response • Oleechka8DA6 (Date.ca, 31, Webster, MA) -> No response • aquilla7 (Date.ca, 37, Albany, NY) -> Connection! -> Maybe • irina01us (Date.ca, 37, Brooklyn, NY) -> Connection! -> No response • eurikaD21B (Date.ca, 37, Vernon Hills, IL) -> Connection! -> No response • larinaF54B (Date.ca, 37, Montreal, QC) -> Connection! -> No response • justwoman3BCC (Date.ca, 37, Montreal, QC) -> Maybe -> No response • 108578979 (Date.ca, 38, Hartney, MB) -> Maybe -> No response • 109296705 (Date.ca, 31, Montreal, QC) -> No response • lonelydreamer1723 (Date.ca, 30, Montreal, QC) -> No response • mivonnnn (Date.ca, 28, Lasalle, QC) -> No response • LEKALEKA (Date.ca, 36, Moscow, Russia) -> No response • nomad8724 (Date.ca, 28, Brampton, ON) -> No response • Anastasia (Bride.RU, 28, Yoshkar-Ola, Russia) -> No response |
I started to learn Russian beyond "Da" and "Nyet". I am proud to have learned a very important word: "Tooalyet" :-)
I also went to a church basement to watch Al Gore's documentary film "An Inconvenient Truth (2006)". I saw dear old friends of mine, whom I had not seen face to face for more than 10 years.
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Simon
My 15-year old daughter forwarded to me a poem.
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Around the corner I have a friend, In this great city that has no end, Yet the days go by and weeks rush on, And before I know it, a year is gone. And I never see my old friends face, For life is a swift and terrible race, He knows I like him just as well, As in the days when I rang his bell. And he rang mine but we were younger then, And now we are busy, tired men. Tired of playing a foolish game, Tired of trying to make a name. "Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim, Just to show that I'm thinking of him." But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes, And distance between us grows and grows. Around the corner, yet miles away, "Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today." And that's what we get and deserve in the end. Around the corner, a vanished friend. Remember to always say what you mean. If you love someone, tell them. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today. |
I told my 3 kids that if they love their mother, they should tell her to go and see a doctor in order to stop surveillance and spying.
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Simon
I just want to clarify that the following are essentially one and the same?
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• Delusional Disorder • Paranoid Disorder • Paranoid Personality Disorder • Paranoid Schizophrenia • Schizophrenia (Paranoid Type) |
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Simon
It was a quiet Christmas day, all alone since the kids are with my ex-wife. Thanks to global warming, there was no snow on the ground, so I went for a long walk on Monday and Tuesday. It snowed on Wednesday, so I went cross-country skiing.
I was spending the holiday week to prepare for my trip to Moscow, Russia, from 2007-01-01 to 2007-01-08. I had to repair my clothes which had many tears and holes. I was also standing by to chat with the women on instant messengers.
My kids reported that my ex-wife bought a DVD of the movie "The Truman Show (1998)", which I watched exactly 1 year ago, and that she is quite excited about it. She was even showing it to her relatives. I believe that she is exposing herself about her paranoid delusions, just as my psychiatrist had predicted.
My kids say that the only reason that my ex-wife visits her parents is that she is seeking apology from them. This happened before at every office in which she has worked. She has also written letters (with my help) and requested information via Access to Information Act. So, the central theme of my ex-wife's psychosis is to seek apology for non-existent persecution.
I told my kids once again that we should hope that my ex-wife's condition would further deteriorate so that she would have no choice but to seek psychiatric treatment.
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Simon
